Tomorrow evening I’ll be doing an online, 3-hour workshop titled, “Blending Traditional and Strengths-Based Approaches to Suicide Assessment.”
You can still sign up (until noon Mountain time tomorrow) here: https://secure.qgiv.com/for/socialworktrainingseries/event/suicideassesment/
And, if you’re taking the workshop, or you’re just curious and want to see the ppts, click here:
Hey.
I previously shared info on an online workshop, but apparently the link was bad. here’s the revised–and working–link! I hope to see you there!
https://secure.qgiv.com/for/socialworktrainingseries/event/suicideassesment/
Irritability is a fascinating experience. It’s hard to perfectly describe, so I looked up the definition online. Dictionary says: “The quality or state of being irritable.” Hahaha. This is the sort of helpfulness I’ve been experiencing from the pesky universe lately. . . with the exception of the IT guy who helped me for 45 minutes a couple weeks ago. He was nice and tried to help, but sadly, I’m the guy who was once told by IT person at UM that maybe I had swallowed a magnet because of how well electronics work in my presence. Maybe it’s my magnetic personality? Even more hahaha.
Let’s get back to irritability. Lately, I’ve been beset with intermittent bouts of irritability, which, I understand is the quality or state of being irritable. The definition of irritable is more illuminating: “having or showing a tendency to be easily annoyed or made angry.”
Yes, I’ve got that. In my defense, there are SO MANY irritating things in the world.
But there’s really no good excuse for my irritability. I feel it burble up, usually in response to something psychologically, emotionally, or physically painful. I’ve had some chronic pain for the past three months, which makes it easier for my irritability button to get pushed. I’ve also had more than my share of tech problems.
After working out at the gym, a particular Dean whom I saw on campus, asked me, “Did you have a good workout?” I muttered something about never having good workouts anymore. Not surprisingly, he noticed my irritability. Then he shared a few Buddhist thoughts about “All is suffering” with me. Despite my internal lean toward being “easily annoyed” (even with my friend the Dean) I listened and immediately glimpsed my lifelong nemesis peeking at me from around the corner. No . . . it wasn’t the Dean, or Lee Jeffries the red-headed bully who tormented me in junior high. Strangely, my lifelong nemesis happens to be the nemesis of many. I’m betting it may be yours as well.
Given that our nemesis has multitudes, let’s give it the pronoun they. They have a name. Expectations.
My expectations are routinely laughably unrealistic. I know that about myself. I also know that when I set myself up with expectations for an hour or a day, the hour or the day includes more irritability. My friend the Dean was commenting on the All-American tendency to expect happiness, whereas the Buddhists embrace that “all is suffering.”
Several weeks ago, the focus of the Happiness Challenge was on goal-setting. I didn’t do much goal-setting back then, which is okay, because goal-setting should happen when we’re ready for goal-setting. I also know that this week’s Happiness Challenge is about cognitive behavior therapy (CBT). And so this week I’ve been working on a goal to be more immediately self-aware of my expectations and irritability triggers, and to make a concerted effort to manage my irritability in ways I feel good about.
To enhance my self-awareness, I completed the “column technique” for myself and my relationship with irritability. Although I’m not a natural fan of CBT, I found the process helpful, if not illuminating. What was most helpful was to fill out the columns—like a journal—and then read through what I had written. My response was to feel a little embarrassed at the triviality of my irritability triggers. And . . . as Alfred Adler wrote about a century ago, insight (aka self-awareness) is a natural motivator.
For anyone interested, here’s my completed column log activity.
In the end, glimpsing my process and experiences through the column technique this week has made me more motivated that ever to address my irritability in a positive and constructive way.
Humans are thinking and meaning-making beings. You can argue the opposite, but that would require thinking and meaning-making.
Somewhere around 1637, René Descartes said it this way,
“Cogito, ergo sum.”
The English translation,
“I think, therefore I am.”
Cool stuff. I wish I’d known Descartes.
After several decades of studying psychological theories, I’m ready to make my own fancy Cartesian philosophical statement about human thinking. It’s less succinct than Descartes, because, well, I’m not Descartes. Here we go.
First, in Latin (because even though I had to type the words into the Google Latin translator, using Latin makes everyone sound smarter).
“Cogito ergo sum ego possit cogitare et in tempore angustiae triumphi.”
Now, in English.
“I think therefore I am able to think myself into trouble or triumph.”
Inevitably, the more we think, the more we’re able to create personal misery. Alternatively, as we know all too well from political or romantic or employment or online relationships, we’re also quite capable of rationalizing behaviors and describing ourselves in ways that makes us feel and sound better than we are in reality. We easily and naturally think our way toward trouble and triumph.
One popular contemporary term that speaks to miserable and unhelpful thinking is “overthinking.” Overthinking refers to excessive analysis around actions or decision-making. Overthinking is usually considered a less-than-optimal style that sometimes leads to paralysis by analysis.
Unfortunately, although life is better when we avoid overthinking, “underthinking” is equally bad. Underthinking results in impulsive and thoughtless behaviors and decisions.
As if life wasn’t already hard enough, like Goldilocks, now we have to avoid overthinking and underthinking, and find just the right amount of thinking.
This brings us to our happiness activity for the week.
Think of a recent time you felt significant emotional distress. . . and then answer the following questions.
If you want a longer description of how to use a similar process called the six-column technique, go to: https://johnsommersflanagan.com/2014/02/18/how-to-use-the-six-column-cbt-technique/
This morning’s weekly missive of “most read” articles from the Journal of the American Medical Association included a study evaluating the effects of high-dose “fluvoxamine and time to sustained recover in outpatients with COVID-19.” My reaction to the title was puzzlement. What could be the rationale for using a serotonin specific reuptake inhibitor for treating COVID-19? I read a bit and discovered there’s an idea and observations that perhaps fluvoxamine can reduce the inflammation response and prevention development of more severe COVID-19.
To summarize, the results were no results. Despite the fact that back in the 1990s some psychiatrists and pharmaceutical companies were campaigning for putting serotonin in the water systems, in fact, serotonin doesn’t really do much. As you know from last week, serotonin-based medications are generally less effective for depression than exercise.
For the happiness challenge this week, we’re touting the effectiveness of my own version of what we should put in the water or in the schools or in families—the Three-Step Emotional Change Trick. Having been in a several month funk over a variety of issues, I find myself returning to the application of the Three-Step Emotional Change Trick in my daily life. Does it always work? Nope. Is it better than feeling like a victim to my unpleasant thoughts and feelings? Yep.
I hope you’ll try this out and follow the instructions to push the process outward by sharing and teaching the three steps. Let’s try to get it into the water system.
Active Learning Assignment 9 – The 3-Step Emotional Change Trick
Almost no one likes toxic positivity. . . which is why I want to emphasize from the start, this week’s activity is NOT toxic positivity.
Back in the 1990s I was in full-time private practice and mostly I got young client referrals. When they entered my office, nearly all the youth were in bad moods. They were unhappy, sad, anxious, angry, and usually unpleasantly irritable. Early on I realized I had to do something to help them change their moods.
An Adlerian psychologist, Harold Mosak, had researched the emotional pushbutton technique. I turned it into a simple, three-step emotional change technique to help young clients deal with their bad moods. I liked the technique so well that I did it in my office, with myself, with parents, during professional workshops, and with classrooms full of elementary, middle, and high school students. Mostly it worked. Sometimes it didn’t.
This week, your assignment is to apply the three-step emotional change trick to yourself and your life. Here’s how it goes.
Introduction
Bad moods are normal. I would ask young clients, “Have you ever been in a bad mood?” All the kids nodded, flipped me off, or said things like, “No duh.”
Then I’d ask, “Have you ever had somebody tell you to cheer up?” Everyone said, “Yes!” and told me how much they hated being told to cheer up. I would agree and commiserate with them on how ridiculous it was for anyone to ever think that saying “Cheer up” would do anything but piss the person off even more. I’d say, “I’ll never tell you to cheer up.* If you’re in a bad mood, I figure you’ve got a good reason to be in a bad mood, and so I’ll just respect your mood.” [*Note to Therapists: This might be the single-most important therapeutic statement in this whole process.]
Then I’d ask. “Have you ever been stuck in a bad mood and have it last longer than you wanted it to?”
Nearly always there was a head nod; I’d join in and admit to the same. “Damn those bad moods. Sometimes they last and last and hang around way longer than they need to. How about I teach you this thing I call the three-step emotional change trick. It’s a way to change your mood, but only when YOU want to change your mood. You get to be the captain of your own emotional ship.”
Emotions are universally challenging. I think that’s why I never had a client refuse to let me teach the three-steps. And that’s why I’m sharing it with you now.
Step one is to feel the feeling. Feelings come around for a reason. We need to notice them, feel them, and contemplate their meaning. The big questions here are: How can you honor and feel your feelings? What can you do to respect your own feelings and listen to the underlying message? I’ve heard many answers. Here are a few. But you can generate your own list.
Step two is to think a new thought or do something different. This step is all about intentionally doing or thinking something that might change or improve you mood. The big question here is: What can you think or do that will put you in a better mood?
I discovered that kids and adults have amazing mood-changing strategies. Here’s a sampling:
I’m sure you get the idea. You know best what might put you in a good mood. When you’re ready, but not before, use your own self-knowledge to move into a better mood.
Step three is to spread the good mood. Moods are contagious. I’d say things like this to my clients:
“Emotions are contagious. Do you know what contagious means? It means you can catch emotions from being around other people who are in bad moods or good moods. Like when you got here. I noticed your mom was in a bad mood too. It made me wonder, did you catch the bad mood from her or did she catch it from you? Anyway, now you seem to be in a better mood. I’m wondering. Do you think you can make your mom “catch” your good mood?”
How do you share good moods? Saying “Cheer up” is off-limits. Here’s a short list of what I’ve heard from kids and adults.
Step four might be the best and most important step in the three-step emotional change trick. With kids, when I move on to step four, they always interrupt:
“Wait. You said there were only three steps!”
“Yes. That’s true. But because emotions are complicated and surprising, the three-step emotional change trick has four steps. The fourth step is for you to teach someone else the three steps.”
Here’s a youtube link to me doing the 3SECT: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITWhMYANC5c
If you want to chase down an early version/citation, here’s a link for that: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1300/J019v17n04_02
I’m a big fan of exercise and movement as a solution for nearly everything. Below is my famous or infamous “Last Dance” video that I filmed after a day when I got beat up pretty bad by all things Moodle, Powerpoint, and Qualtrics. My solution was to Dance it off, which I share with you all despite the fact that this is the sort of thing one should keep private.
I share this video as a challenge to anyone who feels inclined to make their own 1 minute dance-it-off video. Yes please! And share.
[Unless you read this blog regularly] you may be surprised to hear that exercise is more effective in treating depression than antidepressant medications. If so, that’s likely because pharmaceutical companies spend millions every year to tell you their antidepressants are effective. The marketing budget for exercise as a treatment for depression is considerably less.
Movement—along with sleep and a healthy diet—is probably the best way to keep your brain healthy. Nearly all movement helps. In my favorite exercise study on treating depression in youth, preteens and teens who were depressed had a 100% response to cardio (including Jazzercise and Wii) and a 67% response with just stretching. Exercise does so many good things for the brain that it’s hard to track. Also, other than sweat, thirst, and sore muscles, exercise has no real negative side effects—which isn’t the case for medications.
In conclusion, the researchers wrote:
“Compared to antidepressant medication treatment with adolescents, exercise resulted in (a) a faster response rate, (b) a better response rate, (c) fewer relapses (n = 0) at six and 12 month follow-ups, and (d) no side effects or adverse events” (Hughes et al., 2013). One caveat, at the beginning of the study, none of the participants were exercising.
But who were these researchers? Were they anti-drug researchers with an axe to grind?
Nope, and this is my favorite part. The researchers were prestigious academics who mostly do pharmaceutical research. One of them was the guy responsible for the clinical studies that led to FDA approval of Prozac for treating youth with depression. The two biggest names on the study have repeatedly been funded by Eli Lilly, GlaxoSmithKline, Pfizer, and more.
All this leads me to this week’s #MHPHappinessChallenge assignment.
Find your preferred way to move, pair it with your favorite music, and do what the researchers in the Hughes (2013) study did to treat depression. I call this “Dance it off,” because dancing—alone or together—is a fabulous way to make the time fly by while you give your brain a dose of what it’s craving.
Here’s the Hughes et al (2013) study. I’m sharing it because everyone should know about it:
But you don’t have to dance. You can walk, run, skip, or yoga. You can jump rope, do Wii or Jazzercize, kickbox, or just jiggle your body in the kitchen while you’re cooking. If you ride the elevator, take the stairs. If you’re in a chair, dance with whatever parts of your body that will move. Of course, don’t do anything that’s so excessive that you might hurt yourself.
I’m sure you get the point.
And then, if you feel something-maybe a high or a fun new thought or anything that kicks your mood up a notch, savor it, linger, and then share it with us.
As always, thanks for participating in the Montana Happiness Challenge. Let’s dance it off together this week.
Freud once said, “There are many ways and means of conducting psychotherapy. All that lead to recovery are good.”
Coming from rigid old Freud, that was a pretty wildly accepting statement. I’d like to apply it to gratitude.
There are many ways to practice gratitude. All that lead to meaning and happiness are good.
When it comes to gratitude, there are many “ways and means.” Let us count the ways.
1. Gratitude for others who are in our lives right now.
2. Gratitude for others, from the past; these people toward whom we feel gratitude may be alive or may have passed.
3. Gratitude for a higher power. Many people pray to express gratitude. In Traveling Mercies, Anne Lamott said there are only two types of prayer. “Help me. Help me. Help me.” And “Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you.” Obviously, Lamott’s second type of prayer is all about gratitude.
4. Gratitude for a concept a country or belief system.
5. Once, during a workshop, I had a teacher say she was grateful to her 16-year-old self for having the courage and good judgment to go immerse in Spanish, even though she didn’t like Spanish much. She went, learned, and is now a successful Spanish teacher. Very cool.
When it comes to gratitude, there are also many means. Let us count them too.
1. We can keep a gratitude journal. Journals are usually private, but sometimes not. Also, journals can be written, spoken, or video-recorded.
2. Gratitude can be practiced once-a-week, every day, or at whatever rate you choose.
3. We can have surface gratitude, or we can dig down deep and keep asking ourselves, “Why this gratitude for this person, place, or thing?”
4. We can purposefully find a way to communicate our gratitude to the person or persons toward whom we feel it. There are lots of online videos showing what happens when people communicate gratitude. We like this one from SoulPancake: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHv6vTKD6lg
5. You can do a benefit reflection. This means that you take a few moments to reflect on (a) how much someone’s action helped you, (b) the time, money, or effort that a person sacrificed to help you; and (c) the fact that someone helped you on purpose.
Gratitude can have big or small benefits. Like everything, gratitude is in the eye of the beholder (meaning you will have an individualized response to practicing gratitude; it’s not about what you “should” experience; it’s about trying out gratitude and seeing how you feel). Generally, gratitude has small and positive effects on depression and anxiety. Here’s a link to a 2021 meta-analysis, if you want to read the science:
As always, I encourage you to experiment with gratitude. It might make a big difference, a small difference, or no difference at all . . . but it’s hard to know if you’ll benefit from gratitude unless you practice it—at least a little—using the ways and means that fit for you.
In the midst of an online workshop on happiness, I came to the gratitude slide, and asked the Zooming participants for their reactions. One person, a school psychologist, said, “I hate gratitude. I’m sick and tired of gratitude. Everybody talks about gratitude and how we all should be doing it. It just feels fake and trite to me.”
Being aware of the futility of trying to convince anyone of anything, I listened, reflected and validated her concerns, “Yes, gratitude can feel very trite, and it sounds like you pretty much hate it.” Then I kept on rolling.
A few minutes later, I asked for a volunteer to engage with me in a live “gratitude experience.” Of the 40 checkerboard faces on my screen, who volunteered? Of course, the woman who was “sick and tired of gratitude” spoke up quickly, “I’ll do it.”
It felt like a set-up for my gratitude demonstration to fail. But I’m a professional . . . and so I forged onward, encouraging her to think of someone specific—past or present—toward whom she felt gratitude. She cooperated. I nudged her to go a bit deeper, “What do you think it is, in particular, that makes you feel grateful to this person. Tell me the details.” She paused, responded, there was a sparkle of emotion, which I noticed and reflected back to her. In the end, she commented, “That was cool. Maybe I don’t really hate gratitude. Maybe I just hate superficial gratitude.”
This is a great example of the difference of thinking about gratitude vs. taking the time to feel about gratitude. Like everything, if we brush past gratitude like a stranger on the street, it can feel meaningless and trite. And then if people keep telling us we “should” do it because it has all these “benefits” we might become even more entrenched in our dislike of gratitude.
As with all things related to positive psychology, don’t do gratitude as an obligation. Intentionality in choosing to engage in a gratitude practice is foundational. Although random experiences of gratitude are fine, intentionally making the space and time to feel grateful is substantially better.
This week, your gratitude activity is part contemplation, part writing, and part action. Use the following steps:
1. Identify someone toward whom you feel or have felt appreciation and gratitude. You may have plenty of options. It’s likely a good idea to choose someone toward whom you believe you haven’t yet expressed enough gratitude.
2. Write a gratitude note to that person. Include in the note why you feel gratitude toward to the person. Include specifics as needed, as well as words that best express your sincere heartfelt feelings toward the person.
3. Find a way to express your feelings directly to your gratitude target. You can read the note in person, over the phone, or send it in whatever way you find best.
Your goal is to express your gratitude. What that means is that you need to drop expectations for how the recipient of your gratitude should or will respond. Don’t focus on their response, instead, focus on doing the best job you can expressing the gratitude that you sincerely feel.
If the person loves hearing about your gratitude, cool. If the person is uncomfortable or not positive or silent, that’s okay. Your goal should be within your control—meaning that all you can control is your end of the communication and not how the communication is received.
If you feel moved to do so, please share your experiences on social media. Tell the world (and us), (a) what it was like to write the gratitude message, (b) what it was like to deliver it, and (c) how it felt to express your gratitude. Feel free to repeat this gratitude experiment a second or third time.
There are many other ways to approach gratitude practice.
Here’s one example, from a book that offers teachers and school counselors ideas for how to apply positive psychology interventions in school settings.We’ll be sending out additional ideas and variations on gratitude this week. . . so stay tuned!
Tomorrow I’ll be presenting all day on Strengths-Based Suicide Assessment and Treatment at Water’s Edge Counseling Services in Rogers, Arkansas. Water’s Edge Counseling Services employs dozens of therapists at four locations. They continue to grow to meet the mental health needs of Arkansas residents. You can find information about their services here: https://www.watersedgecounselingnwa.com/
In anticipation of tomorrow, I looked up some stats on suicide in Arkansas and the U.S.
Today has been a hard day in Montana, as I’ve heard about two deaths by suicide by individuals in the social world of friends and family. Suicides are tragic and difficult to understand. When suicide happens, it’s important to remember many things, but a couple key points come to mind today.
My big points are that suicide is very difficult to predict and prevent and yet it’s very easy and common for people to feel guilty when someone they know dies of suicide . . . even though the people left behind are not at fault.
However your day has gone today, I wish you as much peace and comfort as possible. If you’re feeling suicidal or especially guilty, please reach out to someone who loves you. They will be happy to talk. Or, if you feel the need, you can call the national suicide crisis hotline: 988. Or, if you’re a texter, there’s a text hotline. Just text HOME to 741741 to connect with a volunteer Crisis Counselor.
All my best to you . . . and here are the ppts for tomorrow’s presentation:
In the summer of 2022, we held a Strengths-Based Suicide and Happiness retreat at Boulder Hot Springs in Montana. The food was excellent and well-worth savoring every nibble. Additionally, we encouraged all the participants to do approximately 1-minute videos focusing on a practice in their lives that they believe to be helpful to their happiness.
Here’s Charlie, talking about savoring his experiences as a one-man heavy metal band
I think these videos are incredible. I love what everyone says. . . and appreciate the participants, the messages, and the videographers. I find myself savoring these savoring videos.
Below, I’m including a few links to more of our retreat videos that, more or less, focus on savoring. They’re short, they’re cool, and I hope you watch, savor, and reflect on how you might do even more savoring in your life. Who knows, maybe you’ll even make your own social media video and share it with us and the world!
Joyce – Happy Grandma: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kP36toKBS4E
Sidney – Feel It: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1nQ2uKufNg
Jennifer – Savoring: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2WrLATF7QY
Chris – The Savoring Mindset: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHTQiQEbFXk
Dylan – Bring in the Light: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGtO–GhL2U
John – Color and Art: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuFsGa3PhRo
John Sommers-Flanagan 