Tag Archives: Happiness

On the Road from Suicide to Happiness: Please Send Directions!

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Buddhists often say that life is suffering. Some days, for many of us, that feels about right.

But on other days, the inverse also rings true. Life is joy. Joy is the dialectical sunshine that intermittently breaks through clouds of suffering to interrupt our melancholy.

Don’t worry. Even though there’s currently a September Winter Storm Warning happening in Montana, I’m not going all weather on you. Besides, there’s not much I love more than clouds, rain, and winter storms. Also, to be fair, Buddha and the Buddhists recognized long ago that there’s a road we can take to get away from storms of suffering.

Maybe it’s my penchant for bad weather that’s drawn me, for the past two years, deeply into the professional monsoon of clinical depression, suicide assessment, and suicide interventions. What’s odd about that is that I don’t believe that depression or suicidality should be as pathologized as they have been. I’m a proponent of the right to die. I also find light and hope in the existential perspective that encourages us to embrace and integrate our darker, depressive sides, so we can emerge more whole and, as the existentialist Kirk Schneider likes to say, experience a Rediscovery of Awe.

For the past two years, focusing on suicide has felt very important. Our society isn’t very good at discussing suicide in an open and balanced way. All too often, suicide gets inaccurately conflated with illness or shame or moral weakness. These inaccuracies have inspired me to talk openly about suicide whenever given the opportunity.

But, to be honest, talking and writing about suicide—even from a professional perspective—isn’t all that fun. Those who know me know how much I like to tell funny stories. For years, I’ve had an untreated addiction to showing Far Side and Calvin and Hobbes cartoons during presentations. You wouldn’t believe how hard it is to find suicide cartoons that are workshop-worthy. When I show my cartoon with the white rat in the cage hanging itself and the lab scientist saying, “Looks like discouraging data on the antidepressant” if there’s any laughter it’s a painful and strained laughter, at best.

I do have one amazing depression cartoon; it’s a Gary Larson Far Side scene of a sad looking man on a bed in a messy room with the caption, “The bluebird of happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression.”

But let me get out of my addiction and to the point. In my work on suicide prevention and intervention, I’ve slowly realized that we need to paddle upstream. I won’t stop talking about depression and suicide, but I want to more explicitly acknowledge that disabling depression and tragic suicides are often the inverse of well-being or happiness turned upside down. To address this effort at integration, I’m preparing materials to teach and present on the science of happiness. This is where I need your help. Yes, please send more suicide and depression cartoons, but even more importantly, send me happiness cartoons! I’m expanding my focus, and getting ready to spend more time talking about how we can all live happier and more meaningful lives. One way I’m doing this is by teaching a new “Happiness” course this spring at the University of Montana.

As background, I should let you know that I’m familiar with the Yale Happiness Class, the Penn Positive Psychology Center, and other popular resources. Although I’ll use this mainstream material, I want to do something different.

Here’s how you can help.

I’m looking for lecture material and happiness lab activities. Examples include,

Lecture content

  • Video clips
  • Songs with meaning
  • Demonstration activities
  • Quirky/meaningful stories

Lab activities

  • 30-60 minute specific experiential activities that can deepen student learning
  • Evidence-based experiential activities that demonstrate how to counter depression or embrace meaning

Because I’ll be delivering the course to undergraduates, as you contemplate sending me a map with directions to happiness, please put on your 19-year-old hat and help me find destinations with academic substance, but that will still appeal to the college-age generation.

As always, thanks for reading. I wish you a weekend (and life) filled (at least intermittently) with the sort of happiness and joy that’s palpable enough to sustain you until the next bluebird of happiness lands on your shoulder. And if you live in Montana, be sure to stay warm in the winter storm.

John S-F

When Happiness Ran Away: Thoughts on Suicide and the Pursuit of Happiness

Elephant

Several days prior to driving across the state to a party with her family, a friend met up with Rita and me. We talked about happiness. She said she liked the word contentment, along with the image of hanging out in a recliner after a day of meaningful work.

Following the party, she wrote me an email, sharing, rather cryptically, that her party planning turned out just okay, because,

“Sigh. Some days happiness runs so fast!”

I loved her image of chasing happiness even more than the image of her reclining in contentment.

As it turns out, being naturally fleet, happiness prefers not being caught. Because happiness is in amazing shape, if you chase it, it will outrun you. Happiness never gets tired, but usually, before too long, it gets tired of you.

In the U.S., we’ve got an unhealthy preoccupation with happiness, as if it were an end-state we can eventually catch and convince to live with us. But happiness doesn’t believe in marriage—or even in shacking up. Happiness has commitment issues. Just as soon as you start thinking happiness might be around to stay, happiness suddenly disappears in the night.

Maybe our preoccupation with happiness is related to that revered line in the U.S. Declaration of Independence about the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Grandiose words indeed, because, at this point in the history of time, I’m not so sure any of us have an inalienable right to any of those three wondrous ideals.

But don’t let my pessimism get you down. Even though I’m not all that keen on pursuing happiness, I believe (a) once we’ve defined happiness appropriately, and (b) once we realize that instead of happiness, we should be pursuing meaningfulness, then, (c) ironically or paradoxically or dialectically, happiness will sneak back into our lives, sometimes landing on our shoulders like a delicate butterfly and other times trumpeting like a magnificent elephant.

Another reason not to feel down is because next Tuesday, October 1, I’ll be in Red Lodge, Montana as the speaker of the month for the Red Lodge Forum for Provocative Issues.

How cool is that?

My Red Lodge Forum presentation is: Suicide, Suicide Prevention, and the Pursuit of Happiness.

Just in case you’re passing through Red Lodge or happen to know someone in the general vicinity, below I’ve pasted the promotional email for the event. Please come if you can. There will be a fancy dinner, which inevitably involves a full stomach, which, even though I’m talking about suicide, might provide you with a twitch or two of happiness.

Here’s the promo:

From: Red Lodge Forum <redlodgemtforum@gmail.com>
Sent: Sunday, September 22, 2019 2:13 PM
To: ‘Red Lodge Forum’ <redlodgemtforum@gmail.com>
Subject: Tuesday October 1st Forum for Provocative Issues. Dinner reservations open

Forum for Provocative Issues

Suicide, Suicide Prevention, and the Pursuit of Happiness

Tuesday, October 1

PROGRAM

Beginning in 2005, death by suicide in the U.S. began rising, and despite vigorous national and local suicide prevention efforts, suicide rates have continued rising for 13 consecutive years. Depending on which metrics you prefer, suicide rates are up from somewhere between 33% and 61% from their levels at the turn of the century.

In Montana, we have the dubious distinction of the highest per-capita suicide rates in the U.S., at about 29.0 per 100,000 Montanans. Why? What is so peculiar about Montana?

But suicide is about much more than numbers. Join us on Tuesday, October 1 when Distinguished Professor at the University of Montana, John Sommers-Flanagan talks about what contributes to suicide, why Montana’s rate is so high, what’s wrong with suicide prevention efforts, and how we should talk with friends about suicide. Although suicide is a difficult, emotionally charged, subject, John will explore emotions that can create and sustain happiness.

FORUM CATERER CHANGE

In the next section, you will notice our caterer has changed. Martha Young, who has faithfully served our delicious meals for eight years, first at Café Regis, and more recently at the Senior Center, is unable to caterer our October meal. Prerogative Kitchen, an outstanding local restaurant,  has agreed to stand in.

DINNER RESERVATIONS NOW OPEN

Dinner at the Red Lodge Senior Center (13th St and Word Ave) will start at 5:30 pm and our program shortly after 6. If you plan to have dinner, email RedlodgeMtForum@gmail.com (no text or calls) with:

  • your reservation request,
  • your general meal choice (meat/fish, veggie, non-gluten), and
  • your cell number

If you don’t receive an email confirmation of your request promptly, please resubmit it. When I know specific dinner choices later this week, I will ask you to confirm your choice.

If you plan to attend the forum but not eat, come around six but donate $5 to help defray room rental and other expenses.

The price for this  dinner is $18. Please bring a check written prior to your arrival to Prerogative Kitchen for $18 per person. It will reduce traffic at the door, seat everyone faster, and make our cashier’s job easier.  If you want to leave an additional gratuity, simply leave cash on the table. Do not include gratuities in your check.

If you have friends who are interested in attending the forum, feel free to forward this message.

HAS YOUR EMAIL CHANGED?

If you change your email address and want to continue receiving forum notices, remember to send the change to RedlodgeMtForum@gmail.com.

INFORMATION ABOUT UPCOMING AND PAST FORUMS

For quick access to all news about upcoming and past programs, become a member of our Facebook group page, which supports FPI programs.  To access the page, simply search “Forum for Provocative Issues.”  This is an open group, but we carefully screen applicants to avoid potential problems by asking three simple questions.

USE OF FORUM EMAILS

I never share the emails of forum members. However, I have on occasion sent information about community issues and events that I think members will find valuable.

FORUM SUGGESTIONS

If you have an idea for a forum, email it to RedlodgeMtForum@gmail.com.

FUTURE FORUMS

The dates for our 2019/2020 season follow. Mark them on your calendar now to avoid conflicts.

  • November 5, The Future of Nuclear Energy, Redfoot
  • December 10, Japanese American Internment Camp Conditions in WWII, Russell
  • January 14, Fighting Fires, Saving Homes, Trapp
  • February 4, Apollo 8 and the Race for Space, Dragon
  • March 3, Subject TBD, Darby
  • April 7, Dark Money in Politics, Adams
  • May 5, Genetics and the Future of the Human Race, Gunn