My apologies for the late notice, but I’m doing a free, online, one-hour talk tomorrow, 3/4/2026 at 2-3pm Mountain time. Sponsored by the Center for Children, Families, and Workforce Development and MAPP-Net, the talk is titled, “Ten things Everyone Should Know about Suicide, Mental Health, and Happiness.” Here’s the link:
Warning: this is not my most uplifting talk. the first half focuses mostly on the “Wicked Problem” of suicide. The good news is that I do end on Happiness!
Whether you attend or not (it’s free!), thanks for being someone who’s working to make the world a better, kinder, and more eudaimonically happy place.
This photo is of Lynnel Bullshoe gifting Rita beautiful Indigenous art at a two-day workshop in Browning on the Blackfeet Reservation.
With all the politicizing and media activity around DEI, I think it’s easy to get confused and polarized on DEI issues. Last October, when talking with a friend at a conference in Philly, my friend told a story that I found wonderfully clarifying about DEI. In my previous Theories Preface post, I didn’t include her anecdote–which is one of my favorites–because I didn’t have permission then. But I have permission now, so here’s the missing anecdote:
Recently, a friend of ours told us a story about being asked to deliver a keynote speech for a state school counselor association event. A board member recommended that she “go light on DEI.” Perhaps our friend interpreted that as “You’ve got the green light on DEI,” as the beginning of her speech went something like this:
I was asked to go light on DEI, so I’d like to start by saying, I recently heard someone say that the opposite of diversity is uniformity. The opposite of equity is inequity. The opposite of inclusion is exclusion. And the opposite of anti-racism is racism. I sincerely hope it’s safe to say that as school counselors, none of us want uniformity, inequities, or exclusionary and racist practices.
She went on to remind the audience that we cannot take DEI out of our work, that it is our professional and ethical duty to continuously examine our biases, assumptions, and beliefs, and engage in the ongoing work of self-reflection, learning, and unlearning (J. V. Taylor, personal communication, October 11, 2025).
I love this clear, concise, and beautiful analysis of what is NOT DEI.
Today I found a creepy AI audio summary of the 3rd edition of our theories text. Maybe I should have liked it, because it was super-glowing. But the AI voice overweening on my behalf felt wrong.
In contrast, the following content is real and excerpted from our forthcoming 4th edition of Counseling and Psychotherapy Theories in Context and Practice
To continue with the creepy, the following is what was generated when I asked ChatGPT to create an image of itself.
********************************
Theories and lenses are tools we use to make sense of our complicated world. We’re not saying that the world is more complicated in 2026 than it was 23 years ago, when the first version of this text was published, but the proliferation of information in the modern digital age means that there’s more to sift through than our brains can handle. We hope this text provides you with intellectual structure, insights, practical tools, and fun companionship on your road to understanding and engaging in counseling and psychotherapy.
While walking across the University of Montana campus the other day (which is beautiful on any day, but especially during the fall here in Montana), we noticed an annual tradition on campus had recurred—a fresh, large, orange pumpkin was placed on the top of a spire on University Hall, over 100 feet above the ground, just in time for Halloween. The impossibly steep roof of the clock tower, and the brazenness of putting a fresh gourd up there each year (for decades!) leads to speculation—let’s call them theories—about how a pumpkin could possibly make it on top of the spire.
Is it a renegade group of rock climbers who scale the building each October? Is the University somehow complicit in keeping the tradition alive while sternly warning students not to climb the building? With advancements in drone technology, has someone figured out how to hoist a heavy pumpkin and drop it on that precise point? Is it a 3-D optical phenomenon that doesn’t exist other than in socially constructed reality?
Which theory is correct? But what if it’s not one theory; maybe the pumpkin tradition has evolved over time. After decades of being on campus, our guess is, we’ll never know. The same is probably true with theories and lenses of counseling. We’ll never know—for certain—if the perspective we take is “the correct” one. The best we can do is continue learning about human behavior and the theories that explain it and do our best for our clients by using lenses and theories to help understand their unique situations and help make things better. The pumpkin problem is much easier.
We encourage you to carry theories and lenses from this textbook around with you to help you to make sense of the world—not just in terms of counseling and therapy, but in terms of understanding complexities of the world we live in. At a time where there’s a tendency to over-rely on artificial intelligence to get “the answer” to your questions, playing with different theories is good for your neural connectivity—and probably good for your clients’ well-being, because embracing and valuing different perspectives is good for all of us as we try to navigate this wildly complex world.
* * * some content is skipped here * * *
We believe in several things: First, we cannot help but be affected by contemporary socio-cultural-political events. Second, regardless of socio-cultural-political movements, the counseling and psychotherapy space needs to be safe, sacred, and inclusive for everyone, and especially people with limited resources, diverse identities, and a history of distress or trauma. Third, although we talk about creating a safe space for clients to explore their lives, our offices are not instantly safe, and simply saying the words, “this is a safe space” won’t magically create trust and safety. We need work with clients to, over time, make it experientially safe.
We hope you can use the theories in this text to create and support an inclusive psychotherapy where positive and transformative work happens.
WHAT’S NEW IN THE FOURTH EDITION?
We’ve been receiving solicited and unsolicited feedback on this “Theories text” since 2003. Most of the feedback has been overwhelmingly positive. At conferences, people often approach us and say how much they love this book. They love the anecdotes, our irreverent attitudes, and our occasional efforts at humor. Yes, we believe this theories text is the funniest one on the market. Positive feedback from students and faculty has been incredibly affirming, mostly because our primary goals were to create an engaging, interesting, and practical theories text.
As a side note, we recognize there’s not much competition for funniest theories book on the market. But if there was a formal theories textbook humor competition, we would win hands down.
We’ve also received constructive feedback. Although less affirming, constructive feedback is essential to our personal and professional growth and development. We’ve tried to use constructive feedback to create an even better textbook. We invite you to provide us with whatever type of feedback you like.
So. . .what’s new in the Fourth Edition?
To add perspective to the text, we added a co-author. Bryan Cochran is a professor of psychology and LGBTIQ+ scholar. His voice and perspective are woven into every chapter, but especially our two new chapters. In chapter 2, Bryan describes several lenses that influence how we all practice counseling and psychotherapy. These lenses include: (a) Critical race theory; (b) Queer theory; (c) Intersectionality, and (d) a few other important contemporary perspectives. These lenses are not counseling or psychotherapy theories, but they can and should be used with theories and evidence-based approaches to make us more sensitive, humble, and competent in working with all clients.
In chapter 13, Bryan takes us on a deep dive into third wave behavioral treatments. These treatments include:
Mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR),
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT),
Prolonged exposure (PE), and
The unified protocol (UP).
Each of these treatments incorporate mindfulness; they also have substantial empirical support. Learning about them will make you a better therapist.
To better address culture and social justice issues, we’ve done what Derald Wing Sue recommended 15 years ago. We eliminated the “multicultural chapter” and distributed cultural and diversity content throughout the other chapters, with a big emphasis in chapter 2. Our goal was to more fully integrate diversity into all theoretical approaches. We look forward to hearing from you regarding whether we accomplished that goal.
As before, every chapter includes sub-sections titled (a) cultural sensitivity, (b) gender and sexuality, and (c) spirituality. As it turns out, we still haven’t discovered the neurological basis of everything, but apparently folks are still trying. Neuroscience is featured in chapter 1 and incorporated throughout the text via the “Brain Box” feature that appears in most chapters.
WORDS TO (and from) THE WISE
* * * some content is skipped here * * *
Language is liberating and activating. Although we’ve done our best to follow professional language guidelines, no doubt, sometimes you will react to our language choices, our examples, and our content. If we were in the same room as you as you had an emotional reaction, we would say something like, “Thank you for your passion.” And then we would do our best to non-defensively explore your reaction and our language, example, or content. If you engage in class discussions with classmates (or your instructor) about this text, we hope you will afford each other mutual respect and compassion for the emotions that can and will arise from studying counseling and psychotherapy.
But these posts are more than just about counseling and psychotherapy theories. They’re also about life. My first title was something like, “Things Everyone Should Know about Counseling and Psychotherapy Theories.” So, for episode one of the Theories Series, I’ve used both titles. Going forward, it will just be the Theories Series.
Each Theories Series episode will include an excerpt from our forthcoming 4th edition of our textbook, Counseling and Psychotherapy Theories in Context and Practice. As you may have heard, our theories text is, hands down, the funniest theories text on the market. As you may have also heard, the bar for producing the funniest theories text is rather low.
Here we go. The jokes are free, so they may also be worthless.
Many students ask us, “Should I get a PhD in psychology, a master’s degree in counseling, or a master’s in social work?”
This question usually brings forth a lengthy response, during which we not only explain the differences between these various degrees but also discuss additional career information pertaining to the PsyD degree, psychiatry, school counseling, school psychology, and psychiatric nursing. This sometimes leads to the confusing topic of the differences between counseling and psychotherapy. If time permits, we also share our thoughts about less-confusing topics, like the meaning of life.
The famous strategic therapist Jay Haley (1977) was once asked: “In relation to being a successful therapist, what are the differences between psychiatrists, social workers, and psychologists?” He responded: “Except for ideology, salary, status, and power, the differences are irrelevant” (p. 165). Many different professional tracks lead toward becoming a successful mental health professional—despite a few ideological, salary, status, and power differences.
In this section, we explore three challenging questions: What is psychotherapy? What is counseling? And what are the differences between the two?
[the excerpt skips some ground here]
A Working Definition of Counseling and Psychotherapy
Counseling and psychotherapy are mostly similar and often overlapping. Therefore, we use the words counseling and psychotherapy interchangeably. Sometimes we use the word therapy as a generic term representing psychosocial interventions.
To capture the natural complexity of this thing we call counseling or psychotherapy, we offer a 12-part working definition of counseling and psychotherapy. Counseling or psychotherapy is:
(a) a process that involves (b) a trained professional who abides by (c) accepted ethical guidelines and has (d) competencies for working with (e) diverse individuals who are in distress or have life problems that led them to (f) seek help (possibly at the insistence of others) or they may be (g) seeking personal growth, but either way, these parties (h) establish an explicit agreement (informed consent) to (i) work together (more or less collaboratively) toward (j) mutually acceptable goals (k) using theoretically based or evidence-based procedures that, in the broadest sense, have been shown to (l) facilitate human learning or human development or reduce disturbing symptoms.
Although this definition is long and multifaceted, it’s still probably insufficient. For example, it wouldn’t fit self-administered therapies, such as self-analysis or self-hypnosis—although we’re quite certain that if you read through this definition several times, you’re likely to experience a self-induced hypnotic trance.
*************************************
Hahaha. People come for the theories, but they stay for the jokes.
Apparently, it’s winter in Grand Forks, North Dakota. Who knew? Clearly not me. Being from balmy Montana where we’ve barely experienced any winter in 2025-2026, I arrived here in Grand Forks to the -25 F degree windchill without a stocking cap or gloves. What was I thinking, you ask? Well, maybe I was just in a here-and-now mindfulness state where the future had not yet arrived. Yep. That’s it. I didn’t forget to plan. I was just in the moment.
In this moment, I’m in my hotel room prepping for three things:
My keynote presentation at Red River H.S.
My hoped-for good night’s sleep, and
How to get to the airport and make it to Boston before I get frostbite.
While prepping for these first two things I had an incredible epiphany and discovered or recovered the simple solution to insomnia. Some of this is old, so bear with me:
Sleep is a challenge for much of the U.S. population. If you struggle with sleep, join the club. It’s a big club. We welcome you, principally because misery loves miserable company.
There are three main forms of insomnia: (a) initial insomnia (aka difficulty falling asleep); (b) terminal insomnia (aka early morning awakening); and (c) intermittent insomnia (aka choppy sleep).
Several other factors also interfere with sleep including children, pets, light, your neighbors starting up their chainsaw, alcohol, caffeine, temperature, nightmares, and more.
This means that many Americans are awake in the night at times when they would rather be asleep. I know you’ve been there, done that, and will likely do it again.
But when you’re there in that “I wish I was sleeping” state, did you ever have the epiphany that you should stop trying to get back to sleep? Sure, you have. Maybe you’ve even gotten up. But that’s not what I’m about to suggest.
Because sleep is elusive and difficult to directly achieve, if you awaken in the night—and you have a pattern of insomnia—you could (and maybe should)—immediately let go of sleep as your primary goal. This is because if you have a goal and you’re not achieving it, you’re going to feel frustration and other unpleasant emotions (anger, sadness, anxiety, etc.) that are directly contrary to sleep.
Do you recall the main characteristic of a smart goal? A smart goal is within your control. If your goal is not within your control, then it’s a dumb goal. Make sense?
So, if you’re awake and struggling to return to sleep, try shifting your goal away from sleep and toward something that is, literally, the next best thing. You should shift to a goal of relaxation, of soothing, of comfort, of emotional peace, and of getting yourself into a generally pleasant state of mind and body. You can accomplish this via several strategies. You can meditate. You can count your breaths. You can use the Seligman technique of three good things. You can do progressive muscle relaxation. You can use the cognitive shuffle. Essentially, you can use anything you want that helps you get to an emotionally calm and pleasant state (although I recommend avoiding drugs and alcohol to get there).
Or, if you need more info on this stuff, plus sleep hygiene, you can watch the video linked below.
The point is that, over time and with practice, you will begin to be able to achieve your very pleasant, almost sleep state. And physically, physiologically, and emotionally, the benefits of almost sleep are very close to the benefits of sleep. But—on the other hand—if you directly keep pursuing sleep as your primary goal, you will feel frustrated and less restored that you would with almost sleep.
Experiencing frustration through the night offers you zero benefits.
I’ve thrown out several ideas here and this may not feel like the ultimate fix for your sleep issues, but then again, expecting to find an ultimate fix for your sleep problems will likely only magnify the problem. For most of us, there is no ultimate sleep fix. There is just time alone in bed with our own brain and our own thoughts, and so teaching ourselves to be as comfortable as possible with our brains and our thoughts is a fantastic goal.
If you want more on this, I’ve stolen the Module 3, Part 2 Sleep video from our Happiness for Educators course and the link is here (Note: for some reason, maybe because I pretended I was asleep at the beginning of this video, I seem—at least to me—to have a very slow pace in this video; of course, this may be a good thing; it could make you very, very, sleepy): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOXW_5Df3UE
As for me, I’m looking forward to up to 850 Grand Fork educators tomorrow, so I’m stopping here, not in search of a good night’s sleep, but in search of experiencing a pleasant mental and emotional state, which just might translate to a more restorative nighttime experience. . . and maybe even more sleep.
One of my 2026 goals is to post more often on my blog because my blog gets sad when I ignore it. So far, I’m not exactly knocking this 2026 goal out of the park. . .but the time is coming.
Today, I have several exciting things to share.
I’m heading to Grand Forks, North Dakota on Sunday, to present to a group of about 850 educators there. Here’s the link to that ppt presentation:
Then, I take a (hopefully) quick flight to Boston, where I’ll present (along with the wonderful Tammy Tolleson Knee) to about 500 educators in the Easton School District. Here’s a link to the Easton presentation on Tuesday:
Yesterday a Missoula school counselor emailed me and said she (along with a classroom that included one of my granddaughters) were watching a video of me teaching the three-step emotional change trick to some finger puppets. I had totally forgotten about that slightly bizarre 4-minute home-made video. Here’s a link for those of you interested in the bizarre, or who need a 4-minute emotional education video for a classroom of 6th graders. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NexXUNy_BaM
As a part of a presentation in Hawai’i that I didn’t attend (what’s wrong with me, I’m going to ND in January, but not HI??), I created a 9-minute video on the outcomes we’ve got for the first 451 educators who have completed our Happiness for Educators course. Dylan fixed up the video, so it’s a little cooler than it would have been. Here’s a link to that one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3cWziR5MDM
I know there are tons of terrible things happening on the planet and in the U.S. Wherever you are and whatever you’re doing, I hope your mid-January is going as well as the forces in the world will allow, and I hope for all things to get better soon. My wife and I have recently been reading about how experiencing positive emotions and joy—in the face of oppression—can be an act of protest and defiance. Of course, we should keep doing social justice along with our defiant joy, but intermittent joy is important too.
I’m done with New Year’s resolutions. This year, I’m changing from New Year’s resolutions to New Year’s intentions.
My first New Year’s intention is to be on time, which is why I’m writing this blog about nine days into 2026.
New Year’s resolutions, intentions, and goal-setting are distinctions with very little difference. You know what they say, “A rose by any other name still smells the same.” But, several years ago, New Year’s intentions became chic. That means if your goal—like mine—for 2026 is to become more chic, you should set intentions, because goals stink.
Whether we call them resolutions, intentions, or goals, ambition for self-improvement is based on one central idea in mental and behavioral health: We all want to be better, to do better, and to become better versions of ourselves.
But self-improvement has never been and never will be easy. What gets in the way? Almost anything. We get distracted. We lose motivation. We get in our own way. We get annoyed and enraged at a world over which we have no control and then give up on the things we do have control over. If you’ve become frustrated at improving yourself (or our American democracy), join the club.
Before I offer a list of tips for bending resolutions, intentions, or goals to your will—so you can remake yourself, here’s a big caveat: Nothing always works. Just because I list it below, it doesn’t mean it will work for you. Life is an experiment. To effectively change your behavior is a long and winding experimental path. Your first resolution, intention, or goal should be to learn as much as you can as you experiment (and intermittently fail) at your efforts for self-improvement. Now, here’s the list of ideas you can try to make yourself a better YOU in 2026.
Linger, reflect, and contemplate on what you want to change about yourself and your life. Impulsive goals last until you get to your next impulse. You may want to consult with someone about what you want to change and why. When building intentions, clarity helps. Finding your why helps too.
Don’t set DUMB goals. I could have suggested that you set SMART goals, but that’s boring and passé and I’m chic. DUMB goals are goals that involve factors outside your control. If your goal is to experience even more frustration then you’re already experiencing, then be sure to make your goal all about somebody else, like, for example, getting your romantic partner, your parent, or your child to communicate better or be on time or stop criticizing you. If you want a snowball’s chance of success, put the resolution, intention, or goal within your circle of control.
Make yourself a bad-ass plan. You shouldn’t rely on your mythical willpower or your vision board or somebody else’s plan. You know yourself. Make a plan that incorporates knowledge from your previous successes. Use your knowledge of your skills for avoidance and your tendency toward distraction to build yourself a unique plan for change.
Set yourself up for easy actions. Let’s say you want to run a marathon or lose 20 pounds or bench press 220 lbs. Would you expect success tomorrow? Of course not. If you’re chic like me, set short-term and long-term intentions.
Go public. If you tell a few people about your goals, you’re more likely to stick with them. Why? It’s not rocket science. Who wants to humiliate themselves via public failure? Also, it doesn’t hurt to check your realism with your friends and family. If your family tells you you’re foolish, use that info in one of two ways: (a) re-evaluate and re-set your goal or (b) use your family’s lack of faith in you as motivation to prove them wrong.
Physically, mentally, and emotionally celebrate short-term success. One of the best tricks for habit change is to celebrate the small steps you make toward success. If you want to engage in social justice activities, give yourself a high-five or a fist pump or a verbal yessssss when you take a tiny step toward meeting with a like-minded civic group. Your brain will feel the love and help you continue toward your goal.
Manage your self-talk (or not). Inevitably, your brain will try to sabotage you. You’ll hear an inner voice of doubt. Words like “You can’t do it” will rise up to smite you and your efforts. Don’t bother wondering where they came from. Either just notice them, say hello, and then let them float away or push back on them with evidence and effort.
This is a short list of a few ideas. There’s much more out there in the world, should you be interested. One warning: If you’re reading or watching something that promises magically easy self-improvement “hacks,” just get out your clicker and change the channel, because, if you’re chic like me, then you know self-improvement requires a savvy plan and sustained effort.
About a week ago, those of us in the northern hemisphere experienced the shortest-day solstice. Because of the convergence of the solstice, a 40th anniversary, and the new year, I took the unusual step (for me) of writing a poem. The poetry maven in our home pronounced it “good” which, for me, is not unlike winning a Pulitzer Prize.
I am of the age where nearly everything anyone says or writes prompts a story. Words trigger words. So many choices. Should I wander into a story about the solstice, 40 amazing years with Rita, or the words “Pulitzer Prize?”
To be a word conservationist—like all good poets—suffice it to say that when I was teaching at the University of Portland, a faculty person told the story of one of his students writing a whole essay describing a prestigious award called, “The Pullet Surprise.”
All this brings me back to the poem I wrote about the solstice for Rita and our 40th anniversary. No doubt, after publishing this poem on my blog for New Year’s Eve, I will be a finalist for the prestigious Pullet Surprise.
*********************************************
On This Day
On this day
Our collective orbit
Has reached its edge
This is the great turning
Back
The pendulum has swung
We pause
Earth lingering, stock being taken
Where we have been
Where we are
Where we will be
Let us make lists, at this turning
Have we been kind?
Have we been generous?
Have we let others live freely?
Have we let outrage and judgment claim us?
Perhaps we should murder the long festering log in our eyes, rather than people in boats?
Now
We shall begin
Again
Our collective slow turning
Toward the light
************************************
Peace to you and yours for 2026. I wish you all an excellent New Year’s Evening. May we all turn toward the light.
John Sommers-Flanagan 