Category Archives: Personal Reflections

Cool Counseling, Counseling and Psychotherapy Theory and Practice, culture, diversity, Personal Reflections, Therapy with Adolescents, Tough Kids, Tough Kids Cool Counseling, Writing

Tough Kids, Cool Counseling — In Polson, MT

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Good morning.

Tammy, Dylan, and I are on our way to Polson, MT this morning to provide a 6-hour workshop on Counseling Youth.

The workshop title, “Tough Kids, Cool Counseling,” is a remnant of days gone by. Back in 1996, as Rita and I were driving from Missoula to Absarokee, we came up with that title, which we published as a book in 1997. The second edition came out in 2007.

For many years, we argued about who came up with what we considered a very nice title. I thought it was my idea. Rita thought it was hers. We were both equally shocked at each others’ claims. Have you ever had that experience with a romantic partner?

But, a few years after publishing the second edition, I gave up all claims to the title, because I suddenly realized that the title was neither nice nor cool. Constructing youth problems as “in them” was not good and not right. The title labeled the youth as “tough,” in essence, blaming them for their problems.

For the past two decades, I’ve seen youth problems differently. Now, I avoid using the phrase “Tough kids.” Instead, I advocate for framing the issues as “kids in tough life and personal situations.” I’ve decided that going to counseling is just another tough situation that many youth are forced into.

So why am I still using this title? I use it because I like to make the point–after using the phrase Tough Kids for the first five minutes–that I’ve stopped using it and that I won’t use it for the rest of the presentation and that we should all give it up together, and not even THINK about tough kids.

With that fun anecdote out of the way, I’m looking forward to a fun day of mutual learning with therapists who work for the Confederated Salish & Kootenai Tribes. And. . .here’s a pdf of the very long powerpoint slide deck.

CSKT 2026 TKCC Workshop HandoutDownload

Counseling and Psychotherapy Theory and Practice, Personal Reflections, Uncategorized

From Chapter 2: LENSES, THEORIES, AND METHODS, OH MY!

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For the 4th edition of Counseling and Psychotherapies in Context and Practice we added an amazing new author. I’ve introduced him on this blog before, but here’s his official bio for the new textbook:

Bryan Cochran, PhD., is a clinical psychologist, professor, and director of clinical training for the PhD program in clinical psychology at the University of Montana. His research areas of interest are LGBTIQ+ health and substance use treatment. He is the co-author of dozens of articles and book chapters on these issues, and 23 years into his academic career, has enjoyed being involved with this textbook project as a way of expanding his thinking and his knowledge of counseling theories and lenses. He doesn’t currently have a blog like John and Rita do but undoubtedly feels the pressure to do so every time he reads their musings on life and on their work. He works with clients in a clinical role using a variety of perspectives that you’ve read about in this text. While not at work, he loves hiking, swimming in Flathead Lake, hunting thrift and antique stores for mid-century treasures, and doing home renovations.

Working with Bryan has been nothing short of fabulous. . .in so many ways. Today, I’m featuring his introduction to the all-new Chapter 2, titled, Viewing Counseling and Psychotherapy Theories Through Contemporary Lenses. Here you go!

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LENSES, THEORIES, AND METHODS, OH MY!

Take a seat. We’d like to start this chapter with an eye (vision) examination. Or, if you prefer, think of this as an ear (hearing) exam. It’s both … and more. This chapter is a perception check.

Lenses clarify and distort. They provide more brightness or less brightness, an array of colors, and more clarity or more distortion. In this chapter, we’re not prescribing corrective lenses. If you’re familiar with an eye exam, think of the optometrist comparing lenses and repeatedly asking, “Which is clearer?” Your “vision” as a psychotherapist is as unique as your personal history and fingerprint.

This process—offering up different lenses for improving your perceptual acuity in counseling and psychotherapy—is far slower and more complex than an eye examination. But the analogy carries truth. As you try on and experiment with different lenses from this chapter, you may see your clients and their distress more accurately. You and your clients will benefit.

Lenses are different from theories. It may seem confusing, but our aim is to create a distinction that illuminates, rather than conflates, these concepts. Most therapy approaches in this book align with a particular theoretical perspective; behavioral psychotherapy is linked to theories of operant and classical conditioning. Psychoanalysis is deeply rooted in theories regarding the interplay of different mental structures, or psychodynamics. However, there’s no reason you can’t put on a queer theory lens when doing cognitive therapy, where you help a client to identify maladaptive thinking errors and discuss how those thoughts are likely to come about in a heteronormative society (one in which heterosexuality is the dominant paradigm for understanding relationships and family structures, and other configurations are seen as outside that norm). You can use lenses, such as critical race theory, queer theory, or intersectionality, to deepen your application of psychotherapy theories and tailor your treatment to a given client’s identities and needs.

New therapists often are frustrated by the need “to pick” a particular theoretical perspective, as if doing so means you’re entering an exclusive relationship with that choice. Like romantic partners, though, you’re unlikely to resonate with every aspect of every theoretical perspective. Unlike with a romantic partner (unless you’re setting yourself up for a series of arguments), you can analyze theoretical perspectives through various lenses to separate the parts of the theories that are most useful from those that are less useful.

So, what do we mean by a lens, in comparison to a theory? Lenses transcend disciplines—they often emerge outside of psychology but can be applied to psychological theories. Whereas a theory might tell you what to do as a therapist—what to assess, how to intervene—a lens informs how you go about doing it. Because a lens transforms how you view the world, you might adopt (or already have adopted!) a lens without being aware of it. Since one of the key principles of counseling is to understand what biases we bring into the therapeutic process, spending time talking about key lenses in a chapter new to this edition seemed like a good idea to us.

As you adapt a particular lens for viewing a counseling theory, it may be tempting to throw out the history and background of that theory because it doesn’t stand the test of time. A good example of this is the waves of critiques that have been leveled against Freudian psychoanalysis. While there are few current theorists who would say young women suffer from castration anxiety or that the Oedipal complex is a major influence on young men, the idea that some of the determinants of our behavior operate outside of our consciousness remains robust, supported by empirical research and lived experience. We believe it’s possible to hold onto both a lens and a theory at the same time. Let’s spend some time exploring some different lenses for viewing counseling and therapy so you can further develop your sense of who you might be as an emerging clinician.

Counseling and Psychotherapy Theory and Practice, Personal Reflections

Neuroscience and Counseling and Psychotherapy Theories: John’s Historical Reflections

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9781394363087_Sommers-Flanaga_M2Download

Everyone agrees: Neuroscience is cool. [See above for the cover of our forthcoming text, which everyone also thinks is cool.]

Neuroscience is also complex. Most of it goes completely over my head. My guess is that I’m not alone in having neuro-limitations in my understanding of all things neuroscience.

I do know enough to know when neuroscience is being oversimplified in ways that are misleading or problematically reductionistic. For example, as many of you know, I’m not a fan of the “amygdala hijack” or “fight or flight.” I’m also not a fan of polyvagal theory–which has gotten it’s share of comeuppance in recent weeks. (see: https://www.clinicalneuropsychiatry.org/download/why-the-polyvagal-theory-is-untenable-an-international-expert-evaluation-of-the-polyvagal-theory-and-commentary-upon-porges-s-w-2025-polyvagal-theory-current-status-clinical-applications-and/)

In our theories text, we try to straddle the “Wow, neuroscience is cool” enthusiasm along with holding a “Wow, that explanation of neuroscience seems oversimplistic” attitude. Below, is my biased personal reflection (over a 45 year period) which made the cut in the latest edition of our counseling and psychotherapy theories text. Enjoy!

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Historical Reflections

In 1980, I (John) began my career in mental health as a recreation therapist in a 22-bed psychiatric hospital. Many patients were actively experiencing severe depression, mania, auditory hallucinations, delusions, and aggressive behaviors.

An intimidating biological psychiatrist (Dr. M) roamed the unit. He would smile dismissively as I engaged patients in the “Newlyfriend Game” (like the old television-based Newlywed Game, only better), relaxation groups, bowling nights, and ice cream socials. Occasionally Dr. M cornered me, explaining how recreational programs had no influence on patients’ mental health. He waxed eloquent about brain chemistry. He acknowledged that the Thorazine and Haldol he prescribed had nasty side effects, but he claimed that eventually designer drugs that restored neurochemical balance and cured mental disorders would make everything else irrelevant.

The chemical imbalance theory of mental disorders dominated mental health etiology through the 1980s and 1990s. Etiological explanations focused on too much dopamine (causing schizophrenia) and not enough norepinephrine or serotonin (causing depression). No one knew what caused these so-called imbalances, but biogenetic factors were prime suspects. Although I kept silent with Dr. M, I held tight to my beliefs that social, psychological, and physical experiences could be therapeutic.

As I pursued graduate studies and accumulated post-graduate knowledge, I found evidence to support my beliefs about the two-way relationship between experiences and bio-physiological changes. One study showed that testosterone levels vary as a function of winning or losing tennis matches (Booth et al., 1989). If testosterone levels changed based on competitive tennis, what other ways might human experiences influence the brain? Another study showed that treadmill running increased serotonin availability in rats (Chaouloff, 1997). It seemed likely that acute physical exercise might also increase serotonin in human brains, possibly reducing depressive symptoms.

Then, along came two bombshells: epigenetics and neurogenesis. Epigenetics is an evolving term that refers to how behavioral experiences influence cellular activity, which, in turn, activates or deactivates genes, without altering underlying DNA (Ospelt, 2022). Environmental toxins, stress, smoking, and diet are experiences that can affect gene expression; these experiences may lead to physical changes and increased or decreased disease risk. One common implication involves how conditions of poverty predict adverse epigenetic changes—potentially increasing risk for negative physical and mental health outcomes (Assari & Zare, 2024).

Neurogenesis is the creation of new brain cells. It has been long known that during fetal development, cells are created and migrate to specific places in the brain and body where they engage in specific roles and functions. Cells that become rods and cones end up in the eyes, while other cells become bone, and still others end up in the cerebral cortex. In the 1980s and 1990s, everyone agreed that neurogenesis continued during infancy, but most neuroscientists believed that after early childhood neurogenesis stopped. In other words, as adults, we only experienced neuronal pruning (cell death).

In the late 1980s, neuroscientists began conducting research that shook long-held assumptions about neurogenesis. One research team (Jenkins et al., 1990) housed adult monkeys in cages where the monkeys had to use their middle finger to rotate a disc to get banana pellets. Even after a short time (1 week), brain autopsies showed that the monkeys had an enlarged region in their motor cortex. The conclusion: in adult monkeys, repeated physical behaviors stimulated neurogenesis in the motor cortex. This seemed like common sense. Not only do our brains shape our experiences, but our experiences shape the brain (literally).

As it turns out, neurogenesis slows with age but doesn’t stop. It continues throughout the lifespan. New learning stimulates cell birth and growth in the hippocampus (and other areas involving memory processing and storage). This “new brain research” left open the possibility that counseling and psychotherapy might stimulate neurochemical changes and cell birth in the human brain.

As brain research accelerates, implications and applications of neuroscience to counseling and psychotherapy have flourished (Satel & Lilienfeld, 2013). Practitioners have created new marketing terminology like “brain-based therapy,” “neuropsychotherapy,” “neurocounseling,” and “interpersonal neurobiology,” despite the lack of clear scientific evidence to support these terms. In some cases, the birthing of this new terminology has caused lamentation within the neuroscience, genetics, and academic communities (Bott et al., 2016; Horsthemke, 2022; Lilienfeld et al., 2015).

Appreciating Neuroscience and Epigenetic Complexities

Where does all this take us? As Dr. M would say, the brain and biogenetic predispositions are central to mood and behavior change. We now know that the reverse is also true: mood, behavior, and social interaction are central to brain development, gene expression, and change. The influences are bidirectional. More importantly, we need to acknowledge that relationships between and among brain structures, neurotransmitters, hormones, other chemicals, human behaviors, and gene expression are extremely complex and still largely unexplained. The whole brain is functioning, as well as regions, and inter- and intracellular processes, while doing all these activities both sequentially and simultaneously.

    Many students in psychology, counseling, and social work have strong interests in neuroscience. We think that’s great news. Neuroscience illuminates our understanding of psychological, emotional, social, spiritual, and other processes—and neuroscience will only grow in helping us understand what’s happening in the brain. That said, when we hear students say, “I love neuroscience!” we also feel concerned about where they’re getting their neuroscience knowledge. Too often, we hear students’ ideas about specific structures (e.g., amygdala, hippocampus, prefrontal cortex) or specific neurotransmitters (e.g., serotonin, norepinephrine, dopamine). Talking about the role of brain structures and neurotransmitters runs the risk of reductionism. Just as clients are much more than diagnostic labels, their aggression is much more than an “amygdala hijack.” Neuroscience is exceedingly complex. Most of us will learn just enough neuroscience from workshops and classes to practice simplistic reductionism. To emphasize neuroscience complexity, we would like to share a summary of a recently published neuroscience article. Here’s our selection for today (there will be more tomorrow). This is from an abstract of an article titled, “Mindfulness meditation and network neuroscience: Review, synthesis, and future directions,” published in the journal, Biological Psychiatry: Cognitive Neuroscience and Neuroimaging:

    In this review, we begin by defining network neuroscience and providing an overview of the common metrics that describe the topology of human structural and functional brain networks. Then, we present a detailed overview of a limited but growing body of literature that has leveraged network neuroscience metrics to demonstrate the impact of mindfulness meditation on modulating the fundamental structural and functional network properties of segregation, integration, and influence. Although preliminary, results across studies suggest that mindfulness meditation results in a shift in connector hubs, such as the anterior cingulate cortex, the thalamus, and the mid-insula. (Prakash et al., 2025, p. 350)

    Before reading this excerpt, you may have thought that the neuroscience on how mindfulness meditation affects the brain was straightforward. After reading this excerpt, please take a moment and bow in respect to the complexity of neuroscience and to the large brains of neuroscience researchers. In your spare time, you may want to similarly immerse yourself in deeper readings on epigenetics (Assari & Zare, 2024; Horsthemke, 2022; Ospelt, 2022).

    education, Happiness, Personal Reflections, Research, Writing

    Interested in Expansion and Collaboration of Happiness for Educators?

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    Hello from Montana where we continue to offer and collect data on our evidence-based “Happiness for Educators” course.

    Although we’re in the process of updating the following abstract (see below) with fancier stats, for now, it’s a solid summary of our outcomes to date. You’ll notice our depression outcomes (g = 0.59) are not far from worldwide estimates of counseling and psychotherapy outcomes for depression (see Harrer et al., 2025; estimated effect size for depression treatment is g = 0.73)

    I’m writing today with expansion and collaboration on my mind.

    If any of you academics, educators, or practitioners out there are interested in offering the Happiness for Educators course in your state, or if you happen to be interested in research collaboration, please email me: john.sf@mso.umt.edu. We’ve got a good thing going (who’s against having happier and healthier educators?) and would love to begin scaling up (within our capacity).

    Abstract

    Purpose: Using an approach grounded in happiness research, this study contributes to the literature on strategies for supporting educator well-being. Educators deserve good health; when educators have better health, students benefit. We developed and evaluated the effectiveness of a three-credit, graduate-level, online and asynchronous evidence-based “Happiness for Educators” course on educator well-being, mental health, and physical health.

    Research Methods/Approach: Using a pre-experimental design with five repeated cohorts, we evaluated pre-post course changes on six different well-being, mental health, and physical health questionnaires with 17 end-point outcomes. Across five cohorts, 266 of 293 (90.8%) educators completed the course. We evaluated outcomes using paired t-tests.

    Findings: After using a Bonferroni adjustment for multiple comparisons, educators completing the course reported statistically significant improvements (p < .002) on all 17 outcomes. These outcomes included measures of positive and negative affect, hope, depression, mindfulness, and physical health. Large to medium effect sizes (using Hedge’s g) were obtained on the following outcomes:

    1. Positive affect, (g = .802)
    2. Total health, (g = .719)
    3. Negative affect, (g = .705)
    4. Depression (g = 590)
    5. Total hope (g = .568)
    6. Sleep (g = .556)
    7. Mindfulness, (g = .542).

    Overall, course participation was linked to a 60.8% reduction in depression rates.

    Implications: Implications that can be drawn from a pre-experimental exploratory study are limited. However, these outcomes suggest that an asynchronous, online graduate-level course on positive psychology (aka happiness) has potential for improving educators’ well-being, mental health, and physical health. Future research on this approach is recommended. 

    Let me know your thoughts!

    John SF

    education, Happiness, Personal Reflections, Suicide Assessment and Intervention

    Ten Things Everyone Should Know about Suicide, Mental Health, and Happiness

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    Hi All,

    My apologies for the late notice, but I’m doing a free, online, one-hour talk tomorrow, 3/4/2026 at 2-3pm Mountain time. Sponsored by the Center for Children, Families, and Workforce Development and MAPP-Net, the talk is titled, “Ten things Everyone Should Know about Suicide, Mental Health, and Happiness.” Here’s the link:

    https://www.umt.edu/ccfwd/training/childrenmh_series/

    Warning: this is not my most uplifting talk. the first half focuses mostly on the “Wicked Problem” of suicide. The good news is that I do end on Happiness!

    Whether you attend or not (it’s free!), thanks for being someone who’s working to make the world a better, kinder, and more eudaimonically happy place.

    John

    culture, diversity, Multicultural, Personal Reflections

    A Brief and Clear Reflection on DEI

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    This photo is of Lynnel Bullshoe gifting Rita beautiful Indigenous art at a two-day workshop in Browning on the Blackfeet Reservation.

    With all the politicizing and media activity around DEI, I think it’s easy to get confused and polarized on DEI issues. Last October, when talking with a friend at a conference in Philly, my friend told a story that I found wonderfully clarifying about DEI. In my previous Theories Preface post, I didn’t include her anecdote–which is one of my favorites–because I didn’t have permission then. But I have permission now, so here’s the missing anecdote:

    Recently, a friend of ours told us a story about being asked to deliver a keynote speech for a state school counselor association event. A board member recommended that she “go light on DEI.” Perhaps our friend interpreted that as “You’ve got the green light on DEI,” as the beginning of her speech went something like this:

    I was asked to go light on DEI, so I’d like to start by saying, I recently heard someone say that the opposite of diversity is uniformity. The opposite of equity is inequity. The opposite of inclusion is exclusion. And the opposite of anti-racism is racism. I sincerely hope it’s safe to say that as school counselors, none of us want uniformity, inequities, or exclusionary and racist practices.

    She went on to remind the audience that we cannot take DEI out of our work, that it is our professional and ethical duty to continuously examine our biases, assumptions, and beliefs, and engage in the ongoing work of self-reflection, learning, and unlearning (J. V. Taylor, personal communication, October 11, 2025). 

    I love this clear, concise, and beautiful analysis of what is NOT DEI.

    What are your thoughts?

    Counseling and Psychotherapy Theory and Practice, education, Personal Reflections, Writing

    Things Everyone Should Know about Counseling and Psychotherapy Theories: The Theories Series – Episode 1

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    Welcome to February. One resolution (or intention) I have for this month is to launch my blog-based counseling and psychotherapy Theories Series. If you’re into counseling and psychotherapy—or perhaps teach Theories of Counseling or Psychotherapy—this series will be right up your alley or in your wheelhouse or the whipped cream on your banana pancakes. Yes. . . so exciting!

    But these posts are more than just about counseling and psychotherapy theories. They’re also about life. My first title was something like, “Things Everyone Should Know about Counseling and Psychotherapy Theories.” So, for episode one of the Theories Series, I’ve used both titles. Going forward, it will just be the Theories Series.

    Each Theories Series episode will include an excerpt from our forthcoming 4th edition of our textbook, Counseling and Psychotherapy Theories in Context and Practice. As you may have heard, our theories text is, hands down, the funniest theories text on the market. As you may have also heard, the bar for producing the funniest theories text is rather low.

    Here we go. The jokes are free, so they may also be worthless.

    From Chapter 1.

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    DEFINITIONS OF COUNSELING AND PSYCHOTHERAPY

    Many students ask us, “Should I get a PhD in psychology, a master’s degree in counseling, or a master’s in social work?”

    This question usually brings forth a lengthy response, during which we not only explain the differences between these various degrees but also discuss additional career information pertaining to the PsyD degree, psychiatry, school counseling, school psychology, and psychiatric nursing. This sometimes leads to the confusing topic of the differences between counseling and psychotherapy. If time permits, we also share our thoughts about less-confusing topics, like the meaning of life.

    The famous strategic therapist Jay Haley (1977) was once asked: “In relation to being a successful therapist, what are the differences between psychiatrists, social workers, and psychologists?” He responded: “Except for ideology, salary, status, and power, the differences are irrelevant” (p. 165). Many different professional tracks lead toward becoming a successful mental health professional—despite a few ideological, salary, status, and power differences.

    In this section, we explore three challenging questions: What is psychotherapy? What is counseling? And what are the differences between the two?

    [the excerpt skips some ground here]

    A Working Definition of Counseling and Psychotherapy

    Counseling and psychotherapy are mostly similar and often overlapping. Therefore, we use the words counseling and psychotherapy interchangeably. Sometimes we use the word therapy as a generic term representing psychosocial interventions.

    To capture the natural complexity of this thing we call counseling or psychotherapy, we offer a 12-part working definition of counseling and psychotherapy. Counseling or psychotherapy is:

    (a) a process that involves (b) a trained professional who abides by (c) accepted ethical guidelines and has (d) competencies for working with (e) diverse individuals who are in distress or have life problems that led them to (f) seek help (possibly at the insistence of others) or they may be (g) seeking personal growth, but either way, these parties (h) establish an explicit agreement (informed consent) to (i) work together (more or less collaboratively) toward (j) mutually acceptable goals (k) using theoretically based or evidence-based procedures that, in the broadest sense, have been shown to (l) facilitate human learning or human development or reduce disturbing symptoms.

    Although this definition is long and multifaceted, it’s still probably insufficient. For example, it wouldn’t fit self-administered therapies, such as self-analysis or self-hypnosis—although we’re quite certain that if you read through this definition several times, you’re likely to experience a self-induced hypnotic trance.

    *************************************

    Hahaha. People come for the theories, but they stay for the jokes.

    Happiness, Love, Personal Reflections, Writing

    New Year’s Resolutions, Intentions, and Goals: A Guide to What Works—Sometimes

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    I’m done with New Year’s resolutions. This year, I’m changing from New Year’s resolutions to New Year’s intentions.

    My first New Year’s intention is to be on time, which is why I’m writing this blog about nine days into 2026.

    New Year’s resolutions, intentions, and goal-setting are distinctions with very little difference. You know what they say, “A rose by any other name still smells the same.” But, several years ago, New Year’s intentions became chic. That means if your goal—like mine—for 2026 is to become more chic, you should set intentions, because goals stink.

    Whether we call them resolutions, intentions, or goals, ambition for self-improvement is based on one central idea in mental and behavioral health: We all want to be better, to do better, and to become better versions of ourselves.

    But self-improvement has never been and never will be easy. What gets in the way? Almost anything. We get distracted. We lose motivation. We get in our own way. We get annoyed and enraged at a world over which we have no control and then give up on the things we do have control over. If you’ve become frustrated at improving yourself (or our American democracy), join the club.

    Before I offer a list of tips for bending resolutions, intentions, or goals to your will—so you can remake yourself, here’s a big caveat: Nothing always works. Just because I list it below, it doesn’t mean it will work for you. Life is an experiment. To effectively change your behavior is a long and winding experimental path. Your first resolution, intention, or goal should be to learn as much as you can as you experiment (and intermittently fail) at your efforts for self-improvement. Now, here’s the list of ideas you can try to make yourself a better YOU in 2026.

    1. Linger, reflect, and contemplate on what you want to change about yourself and your life. Impulsive goals last until you get to your next impulse. You may want to consult with someone about what you want to change and why. When building intentions, clarity helps. Finding your why helps too.
    2. Don’t set DUMB goals. I could have suggested that you set SMART goals, but that’s boring and passé and I’m chic. DUMB goals are goals that involve factors outside your control. If your goal is to experience even more frustration then you’re already experiencing, then be sure to make your goal all about somebody else, like, for example, getting your romantic partner, your parent, or your child to communicate better or be on time or stop criticizing you. If you want a snowball’s chance of success, put the resolution, intention, or goal within your circle of control.
    3. Make yourself a bad-ass plan. You shouldn’t rely on your mythical willpower or your vision board or somebody else’s plan. You know yourself. Make a plan that incorporates knowledge from your previous successes. Use your knowledge of your skills for avoidance and your tendency toward distraction to build yourself a unique plan for change.
    4. Set yourself up for easy actions. Let’s say you want to run a marathon or lose 20 pounds or bench press 220 lbs. Would you expect success tomorrow? Of course not. If you’re chic like me, set short-term and long-term intentions.
    5. Go public. If you tell a few people about your goals, you’re more likely to stick with them. Why? It’s not rocket science. Who wants to humiliate themselves via public failure? Also, it doesn’t hurt to check your realism with your friends and family. If your family tells you you’re foolish, use that info in one of two ways: (a) re-evaluate and re-set your goal or (b) use your family’s lack of faith in you as motivation to prove them wrong.
    6. Physically, mentally, and emotionally celebrate short-term success. One of the best tricks for habit change is to celebrate the small steps you make toward success. If you want to engage in social justice activities, give yourself a high-five or a fist pump or a verbal yessssss when you take a tiny step toward meeting with a like-minded civic group. Your brain will feel the love and help you continue toward your goal.
    7. Manage your self-talk (or not). Inevitably, your brain will try to sabotage you. You’ll hear an inner voice of doubt. Words like “You can’t do it” will rise up to smite you and your efforts. Don’t bother wondering where they came from. Either just notice them, say hello, and then let them float away or push back on them with evidence and effort.

    This is a short list of a few ideas. There’s much more out there in the world, should you be interested. One warning: If you’re reading or watching something that promises magically easy self-improvement “hacks,” just get out your clicker and change the channel, because, if you’re chic like me, then you know self-improvement requires a savvy plan and sustained effort.

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    For more information:

    An article on “Better Habits” from Time Magazine by Professor Fogg of Stanford University: https://time.com/5756833/better-control-emotions-better-habits/

    An old “Hidden Brain” podcast called “Creatures of Habit.” https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/creatures-of-habit/

    A short goal-setting assignment I’ve used with my happiness classes:

    Active Learning 2 Goal-SettingDownload

    An even shorter “Change one thing” reading from the happiness challenge:

    Happy Challenge Change One ThingDownload

    Personal Reflections, Writing

    On This Day

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    About a week ago, those of us in the northern hemisphere experienced the shortest-day solstice. Because of the convergence of the solstice, a 40th anniversary, and the new year, I took the unusual step (for me) of writing a poem. The poetry maven in our home pronounced it “good” which, for me, is not unlike winning a Pulitzer Prize.

    I am of the age where nearly everything anyone says or writes prompts a story. Words trigger words. So many choices. Should I wander into a story about the solstice, 40 amazing years with Rita, or the words “Pulitzer Prize?”

    To be a word conservationist—like all good poets—suffice it to say that when I was teaching at the University of Portland, a faculty person told the story of one of his students writing a whole essay describing a prestigious award called, “The Pullet Surprise.”

    All this brings me back to the poem I wrote about the solstice for Rita and our 40th anniversary. No doubt, after publishing this poem on my blog for New Year’s Eve, I will be a finalist for the prestigious Pullet Surprise.

    *********************************************

    On This Day

    On this day

    Our collective orbit

    Has reached its edge

    This is the great turning

    Back

    The pendulum has swung

    We pause

    Earth lingering, stock being taken

    Where we have been

    Where we are

    Where we will be

    Let us make lists, at this turning

    Have we been kind?

    Have we been generous?

    Have we let others live freely?

    Have we let outrage and judgment claim us?

    Perhaps we should murder the long festering log in our eyes, rather than people in boats?

    Now

    We shall begin                                                               

    Again

    Our collective slow turning

    Toward the light

    ************************************

    Peace to you and yours for 2026. I wish you all an excellent New Year’s Evening. May we all turn toward the light.