Tag Archives: children

Youth Sports and Parents: How to Use the Words Unlucky and Brilliant to Your Advantage

Nora Golfing

Unlucky.

This is what the Brits would shout out when something didn’t go well on the football (soccer) pitch.

We were living in England for 5 months. Our older daughter was attending Oxford University and our younger daughter was a 7th grader at a local school in the county town of Northampton-shire. My wife had orchestrated a 5 month teaching exchange at the University of Northampton.

Living in the UK was hard. It rained nearly every day. Except when there was this thing they called “freezing fog.” I recall steadily hoping the temperature (in Celsius) would be higher than the wind-speed (in MPH). Typically, I was disappointed.

It was also hard to find a girls’ soccer team for my 7th grade daughter to play on. But we did. It was amazing and weird and good all at the same time.

What I liked best was the behavior of the parents on the sidelines. In the U.S. parents would often let off steam in rather unruly ways. And in response, the U.S. soccer refs (IMHO) behaved as if they had the proverbial chip on their shoulders. But in the U.K., when things didn’t go well, you’d hear shouts of “Unlucky” in a British accent. How cool was that? Not as cool as what they would shout out in response to good plays. Then, they yelled “Brilliant!” with their British lilt, and it was as if all was well with the world. Later, the refs and parents and coaches would share pint or two.

I have a lot to say about youth sports. And I even got to say some of it during our recent podcast. At least until Dr. Sara Polanchek put me in time-out for bad fan behavior. Yes, I lost my cool, but if you want to hear more, you’ll have to spend the 25 minutes it takes to listen to the Practically Perfect Parenting Podcast. We’re in the process of making it big as podcasters, but until then, we’re still small. We’re also brilliant. You can listen on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/practically-perfect-parenting-podcast/id1170841304?mt=2

Or you can listen on our Libsyn site:  http://practicallyperfectparenting.libsyn.com/

In closing, I have a favorite book and a favorite quotation about coaches. The book is The Brother’s K, by David James Duncan. Here’s the quotation:

“Bobby Edson, like most coaches, was a kind of mystic: he believed the cosmos was endowed with an ineffable muffling system that rendered all the racist, sexist, tasteless and denigrating remarks made by coaches inaudible to the students about whom they bellowed them.” 

I had some Bobby Edson-type coaches. I’ve also heard some Bobby Edson-type parents, yelling from the sidelines.

Unlucky.

 

Saturday Night (or Monday morning) Listening!

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Dr. Sara Polanchek and I have been cranking out podcasts at a dizzying pace. Well, maybe not dizzying for you, but as I get older, it hardly takes anything to get me dizzy.

Being dizzy is my excuse for why I’m just now letting you know that our latest podcast “How Parents can Help Children with Grief” even though it’s been available since LAST MONDAY!

This is a tough, but important topic. Because life and relationships are complex, often grief for children and parents can be complex and so getting some guidance is strongly recommended.

This episode, number 14 if you’re counting, is about 29 minutes and packed with critical information about how to help children cope with grief. Once again, Dr. Tina Barrett is the special guest and she answers my questions with grace and wisdom.

I hope you’ll listen. I hope you’ll let me know if you find it helpful. If you listen on iTunes, who knows, you could be the 20th person to rate our podcast.  https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/practically-perfect-parenting-podcast/id1170841304?mt=2

As always, feel free to post your ideas or reactions or email me with comments and/or recommendations for our next podcasting topics.

http://practicallyperfectparenting.libsyn.com/

 

Goodnight, South Carolina

Some days . . . the news is discouraging. Some days . . . evidence piles up suggesting that nearly everyone on the planet is far too greedy and selfish. On those days, I can’t help but wonder how our local, national, and worldwide communities survive. It feels like we’re a hopeless species heading for a cataclysmic end.

Sunset on StillwaterBut then I have a day like yesterday. A day where I had the honor and privilege to spend time hanging out with people who are professional, smart, compassionate, and dedicated to helping children learn, thrive, and get closer to reaching their potentials. I’m sure you know what I mean. If you turn off the media and peek under the surface, you’ll find tons of people “out there” who wake up every day and work tremendously hard to make the world just a little bit better, for everyone.

For me, yesterday’s group was the South Carolina Association of School Psychologists. They were amazing. They were kind. About 110 of them listened to me drone on about doing counseling with students who, due, in part, to the quirky nature of universe, just happen to be living lives in challenging life and school situations. The school psychologists barely blinked. They rarely checked their social media. They asked great questions and made illuminating comments. They were committed to learning, to counseling, to helping the next generation become a better generation.

All day yesterday and into the night I had an interesting question periodically popping up in the back of my mind. Maybe it was because while on my flight to South Carolina, I sat next to a Dean of Students from a small public and rural high school in Wisconsin. Maybe it was because of the SCASP’s members unwavering focus and commitment to education. The question kept nipping at my psyche. It emerged at my lunch with the Chair of the Psychology Department at Winthrop University.  It came up again after my dinner with four exceptionally cool women.

The question: “How did we end up with so many people in government who are anti-education?”

Yesterday, I couldn’t focus in on the answer. I told someone that–even though I’m a psychologist–I don’t understand why people do the things they do. But that was silly. This morning the answer came flowing into my brain like fresh spring Mountain run-off. Of course, of course, of course . . . the answer is the same as it always has been.

The question is about motivation. Lots of people before me figured this out. I even had it figured out before, but, silly me, I forgot. Why do people oppose education when, as John Adams (our second President) said, “Laws for the liberal education of youth, especially for the lower classes of people, are so extremely wise and useful that to a humane and generous mind, no expense for this purpose would be thought extravagant.”

The answer is all about money and power and control and greed and revenge and ignorance. Without these motivations, nearly everyone has a “humane and generous mind” and believes deeply in funding public education.

Thanks to all the members of the South Carolina Association of School Psychologists, for giving me hope that more people can be like you, moving past greed and ignorance and toward a more educated and better world.

Good night, South Carolina. It’s been a good day.

 

Sleep Well in 2017 and Beyond: Podcast Episode 5

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High quality sleep drives nearly everything; it improves your memory, enhances emotional stability, and contributes to good health. This means that nap-time and sleeping through the night is equally good for children and parents. In episode 5, Sleep Well in 2017 and Beyond, Dr. Sara Polanchek shares her personal story of being an exhausted parent and how she turned to sleep to turn her life around. Our special guest, Chelsea Bodnar, M.D., a Chicago-based pediatrician and co-author of Don’t Divorce Us: Kids’ Advice to Divorcing Parents, will tell you how she gets her children to sleep and why sleep depriving your children is just as bad as feeding them doughnuts all day long.

You can listen on iTunes:https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/practically-perfect-parenting/id1170841304?mt=2

Or Libsyn: http://practicallyperfectparenting.libsyn.com/sleep-well-in-2017-beyond

Please like it if you like it and comment if you have a reaction or to offer feedback.

The PPP Podcast is also on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PracticallyPerfectParenting/?hc_ref=SEARCH&fref=nf

For a couple other sleep-related blog posts, see:

https://johnsommersflanagan.com/2012/05/23/insomnia/

https://johnsommersflanagan.com/2012/06/08/insomnia-2-0-13-2/

The Practically Perfect Parenting Podcast — Episode 2

Hello Parents, Fans of Parents, and Fans of Healthy Child Development:

I need a tiny bit of your time and help.

As you know, the Practically Perfect Parenting Podcast was launched on October 31. Yesterday, Episode 2 became live. The title: Practically Perfect Positive Discipline. Today, I’m flexing my marketing muscles (which, as it turns out, are disappointingly more like Gilligan’s than the Incredible Hulk)

Podcasts are a competitive media genre. One way we can try to improve our status from way out here in little Missoula, Montana is for people to listen, like, and rate.

Here’s how you can help:

If you use iTunes, here’s the link. https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/practically-perfect-parenting/id1170841304?mt=2#episodeGuid=2d80f23353e2c7f9d21af865f190d2c4

Please check it out and if you like it, like it, and then give it the rating you think it deserves. We’re trying to get enough ratings to climb up the iTunes rating list.

If you don’t use iTunes, you can get to our podcasts via this link: http://practicallyperfectparenting.libsyn.com/2016

And, either way, we’d love it if you’d like our Facebook page. To do that, go here: https://www.facebook.com/Practically-Perfect-Parenting-Podcast-210732536013377/?notif_t=page_fan&notif_id=1479160427608384

In addition to your social media ratings, we’re ALWAYS interested in your supportive or constructive feedback. We also take questions and suggestions for new show topics. You can provide any or all of that here on my blog or directly to me via email at john.sf@mso.umt.edu

Thanks!

Dr. John and Dr. Sara, The Practically Perfect Podcasters

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Shame, Humility, and a New Parenting Podcast

Life is humbling.

Today we launched our first episode of the Practically Perfect Parenting Podcast. http://practicallyperfectparenting.libsyn.com/

Leading up to the launch I was more excited than I thought possible. But today, mostly my feelings are swirling around like toilet water into a sewer of embarrassment and shame. I’m worried everyone will hate it.

But don’t worry. It’s not all bad. Humility is a good thing. I should remember that. The podcast won’t be perfect and neither will I. Duh. That’s even IN THE TITLE.

It’s funny—in the non-giggly sort of funny—how insidious feelings of inadequacy can be. Yep. They pop up like popcorn. Once they start, it’s hard to turn down the heat.

The good news is today I’ve dressed as Albert Ellis for Halloween.

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In case you don’t recall, Dr. Ellis invented “shame attacking” exercises. These involve exposing yourself directly to situations (activating events) that might trigger embarrassment or shame. His position was that if you do this, you’ll survive, and in the process prove to yourself that it’s okay to let go of the real triggers for shame: Your underlying irrational beliefs and thoughts.

So today I’m facing my Theories class, dressed in Christmas shorts, and will lead them in singing a couple of Albert Ellis Holiday Carols. At the same time, I’ll be embracing all reactions to the Practically Perfect Parenting Podcast, recognizing that some listeners will love the podcast, while others will hate it and possibly share their negative feelings with me. And, like Ellis said, I will survive.

Fortunately, my friend, colleague, and cohost, Dr. Sara Polanchek sometimes disagrees with me right in the middle of the podcasts. That’s a good shame-attacking thing that happens on a regular basis. It has already been proven that I can experience disagreement and live on.

In the end, the point of these Practically Perfect Parenting Podcasts isn’t for Sara and I to be wise and right all the time anyway. Parenting well is immensely challenging. No one is perfect. The point is to engage parents and parenting educators in ways that inspire reflection and intentionality.

We believe there’s no such thing as a perfect parent. Instead, we believe in practically perfect parents. Our definition: parents who humbly accept their imperfections, develop self-awareness, love their children, and who are open to learning how to be and become a better parent every day, over and over.

That’s nothing to be ashamed about.

Listen to the Practically Perfect Parenting Podcast here: http://practicallyperfectparenting.libsyn.com/

 

Announcing the WORLD PREMIERE of the Practically Perfect Parenting Podcast

Way back in 1996, I had the honor and privilege of becoming the executive director of Families First in Missoula, MT. Mostly I just empowered parents and stayed out of the way of our awesome staff. By 2003, when I left, the seeds for our Divorce and Shared Parenting programs, the Children’s Museum, and Tamarack Grief Resource Center had been planted and were beginning to thrive.

Then I moved on to the University of Montana.

But while at Families First I learned a ton from parents. I was supposed to be “educating” them, but they were equally effective in educating me. And this education has continued to percolate in me and to look for a way to be expressed.

This brings me to a big announcement.

On Monday, October 31, there will be a WORLD PREMIERE of THE PRACTICALLY PERFECT PARENTING PODCAST.

I invite you to check it out. http://practicallyperfectparenting.libsyn.com/

I also invite you to share it with family, friends, and on social media.

The Practically Perfect Parenting Podcast is about 25 minutes of Dr. Sara Polanchek and me talking about a variety of parenting issues. It will be posted online and new episodes will be available twice monthly. I met Sara back in 1998 when I hired her as a parenting educator at Families First. She’s also known as the Missoula sleep guru because of her keen skills at helping parents help their children sleep better.

The Practically Perfect Parenting Podcast is part fun and part education. Dr. Sara and I hope you’ll like it. We also hope parents benefit from listening to it. Even if you don’t agree with what we say, it doesn’t hurt to listen about parenting options and to think more intentionally about what sort of parent you’d like to be.

Back in our Families First days, the philosophy was to support parents in their efforts to parent just a little bit better every day . . . until eventually they all became perfect parents who were levitated into a special Parenting Hall of Fame. Of course, that’s a ridiculous goal, because there’s no such thing as a perfect parent.

Then again, maybe you can become practically perfect. Give it a listen and see what you think. http://practicallyperfectparenting.libsyn.com/

John and Nora