About a week ago, those of us in the northern hemisphere experienced the shortest-day solstice. Because of the convergence of the solstice, a 40th anniversary, and the new year, I took the unusual step (for me) of writing a poem. The poetry maven in our home pronounced it “good” which, for me, is not unlike winning a Pulitzer Prize.
I am of the age where nearly everything anyone says or writes prompts a story. Words trigger words. So many choices. Should I wander into a story about the solstice, 40 amazing years with Rita, or the words “Pulitzer Prize?”
To be a word conservationist—like all good poets—suffice it to say that when I was teaching at the University of Portland, a faculty person told the story of one of his students writing a whole essay describing a prestigious award called, “The Pullet Surprise.”
All this brings me back to the poem I wrote about the solstice for Rita and our 40th anniversary. No doubt, after publishing this poem on my blog for New Year’s Eve, I will be a finalist for the prestigious Pullet Surprise.
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On This Day
On this day
Our collective orbit
Has reached its edge
This is the great turning
Back
The pendulum has swung
We pause
Earth lingering, stock being taken
Where we have been
Where we are
Where we will be
Let us make lists, at this turning
Have we been kind?
Have we been generous?
Have we let others live freely?
Have we let outrage and judgment claim us?
Perhaps we should murder the long festering log in our eyes, rather than people in boats?
Now
We shall begin
Again
Our collective slow turning
Toward the light
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Peace to you and yours for 2026. I wish you all an excellent New Year’s Evening. May we all turn toward the light.
A guest blog by Tavi Brandenburg, with Hyrum Booth and Beth Loudon
**JSF Note: Below you’ll find a guest blog piece from Tavi Brandenburg. Tavi is a doctoral student in Counseling and Supervision at the University of Montana. The blog piece is a summary of themes she, Hyrum, and Beth (two more doc students), derived from a qualitative study of educator responses to our Happiness for Educators course. The themes are in Bold. As you may know, the HFE course is a 3-credit asynchronous course offered through the University of Montana. I hope you enjoy this “Amazing” summary. I am grateful to Tavi, Hyrum, and Beth for their support of our HFE course.**
For the past several months, Hyrum Booth, Beth Loudon, and I (Tavi Brandenburg) have been working on many levels of the Evidence-based Happiness for Educators Course (COUN 591) offered through CAPE & UM. We had the good fortune to share a bit about the course and our findings at the Association of Counselor Educators and Supervisors in Philadelphia. Here’s a link to the presentation slide deck:
Hyrum and I conducted 38 interviews. We enjoyed immersing ourselves in the interview transcripts to make sense of what the participants shared. We asked questions about the lasting impressions of the course, how the participants applied and continue to apply the evidence-based strategies presented during the course, and we asked about the lasting effects of the course on their personal and professional lives. While not always simple and straightforward, the qualitative results–the stories we collected–indicated positive impressions of the course, continued application of the strength-based strategies, and positive ongoing effects personally and interpersonally. And it was much more than that; the participants shared stories that illustrate deep fundamental shifts in personal wellbeing that have lasted over time. The course caused a ripple effect.
As with any ripple effect, there is a catalyst for change–a pebble, a stone, a boulder–for Montana Educators. This course acted as a catalyst for change, sending participants in the direction of introspection and personal development. Most participants experienced some level of dissonance due to discrepancies between their motivations for signing up for the course, including movement on the pay scale, inexpensive continuing education credits, preconceived notions of the course or content based on what they had heard from others. This dissonance was also related to course structure, expectations, and the responsive feedback they received. The personal nature of the course caught many off guard. The flexibility offered in the course design provided autonomy and allowed participants to select evidence-based practices that were meaningful to them rather than progressing through a set of prescribed exercises that may not resonate. This dissonance also came up for folks when the content felt too close to home. When participants experienced personally challenging life events and the course simultaneously, they tended to have strong reactions to either the material, the activities, the pace, or amount of material in the course. As a result of the dissonance they experienced, participants tended to give themselves permission for self-care, which allowed greater ‘flow’ within their professional and personal lives. Additionally, some participants described wide ranging content from more approachable concepts like developing tiny habits, to emotionally challenging exercises like experimenting with forgiveness. For some, the breadth of the content coupled with the pace of the course felt too much at once.
While engaging with the content, participants experienced vulnerability. Depending on the level of depth participants allowed themselves to go while completing the evidence-based practices, vulnerability challenged participants’ sense of comfort; it is not always easy to look inward. Vulnerability also contributed to meaningful connections with family members, colleagues, and students. Vulnerability led to increased self-awareness and other-awareness, and empathy.
Participants articulated being able to be more mindfully present in their daily tasks ranging from doing the dishes, to grading papers, to the quality of engagement with loved ones and learning communities. Vulnerability and presence gave way for some to take important, life-changing steps in their lives. For some, this meant increased ability to set boundaries around work or areas in their lives that they historically struggled to say ‘no,’ allowing these folks to maintain energy for themselves and their own wellbeing or a deepened state of connection with loved ones. Several participants took radical steps to prioritize themselves by leaving relationships or K-12 education. These folks specifically stated the course did not cause these substantial changes, rather the course illuminated a way of being that was more in line with how they would like to live their lives and they had the presence of mind to execute momentous changes.
Another ripple created by taking the courses includes the development and/or reinforcement of a wellbeing toolkit that they used for themselves and shared with loved ones and learning community members. Many participants took evidence-based exercises from the course and directly and intentionally applied them in their lives, with their families, with their students, and in their learning communities. Some teachers reported marked improvement in the classroom community, noting that students were more engaged in their learning, more empathic with others, more willing to take intellectual risks (be vulnerable). Many participants noted incorporating gratitude into their daily lives at home, and at school. Often professional development is a ‘top down’ experience, leaving teachers struggling to connect with the ‘why’ of new practices. This course, as professional development, had the opposite effect. Teachers applied the practices and developed a wellbeing toolkit that worked for them, leading them to deeply know the importance of strength-based practices. The autonomy created by the course structure allowed for creativity, authenticity, and agency in how educators incorporated the material into their personal and professional lives. Educators incorporated strengths-based concepts into a variety of subject areas, from Special Ed to Ed. Leadership to all levels and subjects in the classroom, to School Counseling, and beyond.
Participants felt like this course and content was so meaningful they advocated on many levels, took on leadership with the content (arranging guest speakers, joining John to advocate for CAPE, sharing the fliers with colleagues, family members also in education, whole districts). Some advocated at the district leadership level by advocating for trickle down happiness. We know that students are happier when their teachers are happier. The connection with others through the course helped educators feel less professionally isolated. This sense of connection led many participants to advocate for the course and improve mental health for others in the community.
We interviewed participants who had taken the course anywhere from four months to about one and a half years prior to the interview. While many participants stated they use their wellbeing toolkit as needed, especially as they encounter new challenges, we also heard participants refer to their notes during the interview, wishing they had periodic reminders about the content; many kept their folders handy. This indicates a quality of evanescence. Participants’ connections with the content faded over time, and there seemed to be genuine interest in a second level, or some means of continuing to regularly connect with the content.
We sought to understand the lasting effect, the applications, and the lingering memories participants had from the course. What we found, however, was a ripple of themes that illustrate the deep and meaningful change that is possible when people are provided with strengths-based information and an invitation to engage in self-reflective activities; the participants connected with agency resulting in improved mental and physical health. Amazing.
On this weekend, when there is so much wrong in the world, it may be more important than ever for us to gather in small groups, pause, focus on what’s right and good, and express gratitude.
How’s that going? Are you feeling the gratitude?
Often, focusing on what’s right, on good things, and on strengths and solutions, takes effort. It’s not easy to orient our brains to what’s right, even in the best of times.
As negativity rains down on and around us through news and social media, it’s easy to get judgy. And when I say “judgy” I don’t mean judgy in a nice, positive, “I love your shoes” or “You have such creative views on immigrants” sort of way. Shifting our brains from their natural focus on angst and anger to gratitude feels difficult and sometimes impossible.
First Toast: Let’s hear it for the forces outside and inside ourselves that make it REALLY DIFFICULT to FEEL gratitude, hope, and positivity.
[Editor’s note: When I’m suggesting we push ourselves to experience gratitude and focus on strengths, I’m not endorsing toxic positivity. Sometimes we all need to rant, rave, complain, and roll around in the shit. If that’s what you need, you should find the time, place, and space to do just that. What I’m suggesting here is that opening yourself up to experiencing gratitude and focusing on strengths and solutions is like a muscle. If we intentionally give it a workout, it can get stronger. But, if you’re not ready for or interested in a positivity workout, don’t do it!]
Second Toast: How about some cheer for the EFFORT it takes to push ourselves to focus on gratitude, hope, strengths, and solutions—because that’s how we grow them. Woohoo!
Earlier this year, I attended a medical conference where the presenter did an exquisite job describing the “problem-solving model.” Having taught about problem-solving for three decades, my mind wandered, until the presenter—who was excellent by the way—passionately stated, “Before moving forward, before doing anything, we need to define the problem!”
Maybe it was just me being oppositional, but my wandering mind suddenly became woke and whispered something sweet in my inner ear, like, “This might be bullshit.”
I found myself face-to-face with the BIG problem with problem-solving.
You may be wondering, “What is the BIG problem with problem-solving?” Thanks for wondering. The problem includes:
As my colleague Tammy says, maybe we don’t need to gather round and worship the problem.
When we drill deeper and more meticulously into what’s wrong, we can grow the problem.
As social constructivist theorists would say, “When we center the problem in our collective psyches,” we give it mass, and make it more difficult to change.
What if, instead of relentlessly focusing on the problem, we decided to only discuss what’s going well and possible solutions? What if we decided to grow and celebrate good things?
Adopting a mental set to persistently focus on strengths and solutions is not a new idea. Back in the 1980s, Insoo Kim Berg and Stephen de Shazer pushed as, “Solution-focused brief therapy” (SFBT).
At the time, I found their ideas interesting, but not captivating. One of my friends and a champion for all things strengths-focused (you know who you are Jana), knew the famous Insoo Kim Berg. Once, as Jana and I brainstormed, the possibility of consulting with Insoo came up. Jana said something like, “I could reach out to her, but if we frame this as a problem, Insoo might not even understand what we’re talking about. Insoo only speaks the language of solutions.”
Third Toast: Let’s toast Jana and Insoo Kim Berg for inspiring me to suddenly remember a conversation from 25 years ago.
The language of problems has deep roots in our psyche. Of course it does. Evolutionary psychology people would say we had to notice and orient toward problems to survive, and so we passed problem-focused genes onto offspring. As our brains evolved, they became excellent at identifying problems, because if we didn’t quickly identify problems, threats, or danger, we would be dead.
[Editor’s note: In contrast to biological evolution theory, evolutionary psychology is incredibly fun, but not very scientific. I know I’m supposed to be orienting myself to the positive right now, but evolutionary psychology mostly involves creating contemporary explanations for observed patterns from the past. As you can imagine, it’s quite entertaining and easy to make up fascinating explanations for human behavior, especially if you don’t need to reconcile your creative ideas with anything resembling fossilized evidence.]
Fourth Toast: Hat’s off and glasses up to evolutionary psychology for aptly demonstrating the power of social constructionism. Boom!
Most of us are naturally well-versed in the language of problems. We see them. We expect them. Even when no problems are present, we worry they’re coming. And they are. Problems and catastrophes are always on their way.
But most of us are not especially well-versed in Insoo Kim Berg’s language of strengths and solutions. Becoming linguistically fluent in strengths and solutions requires effort, discipline, and practice. How could it be any other way? If we WANT to speak the language of the positive, we need to learn and practice it; immersion experiences can be especially helpful.
As our collective gratitude weekend ends, we might benefit from committing ourselves to practicing the language of the positive. We could strive to become so linguistically positive that, at night, we begin dreaming in solution-focused, strengths-based language.
Fifth Toast: Let’s raise our glasses to dreaming in bright, colorful strengths.
We shouldn’t forget our old, natural, first language of problems. Problem-focused language is essential to survival and progress. We just need to stretch ourselves and become bilingual. Imagine the benefits for individuals, families, communities, and nations when we become intentionally bilingual, moving beyond the problem saturated language of our times, and into a solution-saturated future.
Last Toast: Three cheers to you, for making it to the end of this blog. May you have a glorious gratitude-filled holiday weekend.
We’re in the throes of editing our Theories text, meaning I’m so deep into existential, feminist, and third wave counseling and psychotherapy theories that I may have lost myself. If any of you find me somewhere on the street babbling about Judith Jordan and Frantz Fanon and Bryan Cochran, please guide me home.
This brings me to a big ask.
As part of 4th wave feminism, we’re more deeply integrating intersectionality into the practice of feminist therapy. Among other things, intersectionality is about identity. I’m interested in using a variation of Irvin Yalom’s “Who are you?” group technique to explore identity in anyone willing to respond to this post.
To participate, follow these instructions.
Clear a space for thinking, writing, and exploring your identity.
Ask yourself the question: “Who am I?” and write down the response as it flows into your brain/psyche.
Repeat this process nine more times, for a total of 10 responses, numbering each response. One rule about this: You can’t use the same response twice.
After you finish your list of 10, write a paragraph or two about how you were affected by this activity.
If you’re comfortable sharing, send me your list of 10 identities along with your reflections (email: john.sf@mso.umt.edu). If you prefer the more public route, you can post your responses here on my blog. Either way, because I’m in 24/7 theories mode, you may not hear back from me until middle November!
There’s a chance I might want to quote one or more of you in the theories text, instructor’s manual, student guide, or in this blog. If that’s the case, I will email you and request permission.
Thanks for considering this activity and request. Identity and identity development are fascinating. Whether we’re talking about multiple identities (intersectionality), emotions and behaviors (Blake), or the “microbes within us” (Yong), we all contain multitudes.
Tomorrow’s talk is titled, Ten Things Everyone Should Know About Children’s Mental Health and Happiness. Because this talk is about what everyone should know, I suspect everyone will be there. So, I’ll see you soon.
Given the possibility that everyone won’t be there, I’m sharing the list of the 10 things, along with some spiffy commentary.
First, I’ll give a strength warning. If you don’t know what that means, you’re not alone, because I made it up. It might be the coolest idea ever, so watch for more details about it in future blogs.
Then, I’ll say something profound like, “The problems with mental health and happiness are big, and they seem to just be getting bigger.” At which point, I’ll launch into the ten things.
Mental health and happiness are wicked problems. This refers to the fact that mental health and happiness are not easy to predict, control, or influence. They’re what sociologists call “wicked problems,” meaning they’re multidimensional, non-linear, elicit emotional responses, and often when we try to address them, our well-intended efforts backfire.
Three ways your brain works. [This one thing has three parts. Woohoo.]
We naturally look for what’s wrong with us. Children and teens are especially vulnerable to this. In our contemporary world they’re getting bombarded with social media messages about diagnostic criteria for mental disorders so much that they’re overidentifying with mental disorder labels.
We find what we’re looking for. This is called confirmation bias, which I’ve blogged about before.
What we pay attention to grows. This might be one of the biggest principles in all of psychology. IMHO, we’re all too busy growing mental disorders and disturbing symptoms (who doesn’t have anxiety?).
We’re NOT GOOD at shrinking NEGATIVE behaviors. This is so obvious that my therapist friends usually say, “Duh” when I mention it.
We’re better at growing POSITIVE behaviors. Really, therapy is about helping people develop skills and strengths for dealing with their symptoms. More skills, strengths, and resources result in fewer disturbing symptoms.
Should we focus on happiness? The answer to this is NO! Too much preoccupation with our own happiness generally backfires.
What is happiness? If you’ve been following this blog, you should know the answer to this question. Just in case you’re blanking, here’s a pretty good definition: From Aristotle and others – “That place where the flowering of your greatest (and unique) virtues, gifts, skills, and talents intersect (over time) with the needs of the world [aka your family/community].”
You can flip the happiness. This thing flows from a live activity. To get it well, you’ll need to be there!
Just say “No” to toxic positivity. To describe how this works and why we say no to toxic positivity, I’ll take everyone through the three-step emotional change trick.
Automatic thoughts usually aren’t all that positive. How does this work for you? When something happens to you in your life and your brain starts commenting on it, does your brain usually give you automatic compliments and emotional support? I thought not.
How anxiety works. At this point I’ll be fully revved up and possibly out of time, so I’ll give my own anxiety-activated rant about the pathologizing, simplistic, and inaccurate qualities of that silly “fight or flight” concept.
Depending on timing, I may add a #11 (Real Mental Health!) and close with my usual song.
If you’re now experiencing intense FOMO, I don’t blame you. FOMO happens. You’ll just need to lean into it and make a plan to attend one of my future talks on what everyone should know.
Thanks for reading and have a fabulous evening. I’ll be rolling out of Absarokee on my way to Butte at about 5:30am!
All too often on this blog I’m writing about what I’m doing and I’m thinking. I suppose that’s just fine, after all, it’s my blog. But, as many people have said before me and better than I can, “Other people matter” and seeing the light (or the divine) in others is among the most meaningful experiences we can have.
One light I’ve been seeing lately is the strengths-based suicide prevention work that the Firekeeper Alliance (a non-profit org) is doing on the Blackfeet Reservation in Northern Montana. In July, they had a “suicide prevention” heavy metal concert called Fire in the Mountains, complete with amazing metal bands and equally amazing panels, discussions, and speakers. If you’re interested in creative approaches to well-being, you really should check them out.
This past Thursday, Charlie Speicher, architect of the Firekeeper Alliance and Director of the Buffalo Hide Academy in Browning, shared one of their Suicide Prevention Month activities. The idea is simple: Feature the beauty and strengths of the reservation and its people. The product: A 12-minute video that focuses on what gives the Blackfeet people hope. The video captures the faces, sentiments, and emotions in response to “What gives you hope?” Here’s the link on Youtube:
All too often, people think and share information about the challenges of reservation life. This video shares hope, beauty, and potential.
With your help, I hope this video travels far and wide. Please share. At the very least, it should get all over Montana media. And, just in case anyone has the right connections, I think it’s a great fit for virtually any national media outlet that wants to shift toward a positive narrative in Indian Country.
Thanks for reading . . . and for seeing the light (and fire) in others.
A friend and colleague in the Counseling Department at the University of Montana forwarded me an article by Lucy Foulkes of Oxford University titled, “Mental-health lessons in schools sound like a great idea. The trouble is, they don’t work.”
That is troubling. My friend knows I’ve been thinking about these things for years . . . and I feel troubled about it too.
Children’s behavioral or mental or emotional health has been in decline for decades. COVID made things worse. Even at the University, our collective impression is that current students—most of whom are simply fantastic—are more emotionally fragile than we’ve ever seen before.
As Craig Bryan says in his remarkable book, “Rethinking Suicide,” big societal problems like suicide, homelessness, addiction, and mental health are “wicked problems” that often respond to well-intended efforts by not responding, or by getting worse.
Such is the case that Lisa Foulkes is describing in her article.
I’ve had a front row seat to mental health problems getting worse for about 42 years now. Oh my. That’s saying something. Mostly it’s saying something about my age. But other than my frightening age, my point is that in my 42+ years as a mental health professional, virtually everything in the mental health domain has gotten worse. And when I say virtually, I mean literally.
Anxiety is worse. Depression is worse. ADHD is worse, not to mention bipolar, autism spectrum disorder, suicide, and spectacular rises in trauma. I often wonder, given that we have more evidence-based treatments than ever before in the history of time . . . and we have more evidence-based mental health prevention programming than ever before in the history of time . . . how could everything mental health just keep on going backward? The math doesn’t work.
In her article, Lisa Foulkes points out that mental health prevention in schools doesn’t work. To me, this comes as no big surprise. About 10 years ago, mental health literacy in schools became a big deal. I remember feeling weird about mental health literacy, partly because across my four decades as an educator, I discovered early on that if I presented the diagnostic criteria for ADHD to a class of graduate students, about 80% of them would walk away thinking they had ADHD. That’s just the way mental health literacy works. It’s like medical student’s disease; the more you learn about what might be wrong with you the more aware and focused you become on what’s wrong with you. We’ve known this since at least the 1800s.
But okay, let’s teach kids about mental health disorders anyway. Actually, we’re sort of trapped into doing this, because if we don’t, everything they learn will be from TikTok. . . which will likely generate even worse outcomes.
I’m also nervous about mindful body scans (which Foulkes mentions), because they nearly always backfire as well. As people scan their bodies what do they notice? One thing they don’t notice is all the stuff that’s working perfectly. Instead, their brains immediately begin scrutinizing what might be wrong, lingering on a little gallop in their heart rhythm or a little shortness of breath or a little something that itches.
Not only does mental health education/prevention not work in schools, neither does depression screenings or suicide screenings. Anyone who tells you that any of these programs produces large and positive effects is either selling you something, lying, or poorly informed. Even when or if mental health interventions work, they work in small and modest ways. Sadly, we all go to bed at night and wake up in the morning with the same brain. How could we expect large, dramatic, and transformative positive outcomes?
At this point you—along with my wife and my team at the Center for the Advancement of Positive Education—may be thinking I’ve become a negative-Norman curmudgeon who scrutinizes and complains about everything. Could be. But on my good days, I think of myself as a relatively objective scientist who’s unwilling to believe in any “secret” or public approaches that produce remarkably positive results. This is disappointing for a guy who once hoped to develop psychic powers and skills for miraculously curing everyone from whatever ailed them. My old college roommate fed my “healer” delusions when, after being diagnosed with MS, “I think you’ll find the cure.”
The painful reality was and is that I found nothing helpful about MS, and although I truly believe I’ve helped many individuals with their mental health problems, I’ve discovered nothing that could or would change the negative trajectory of physical or mental health problems in America. These days, I cringe when anyone calls themselves a healer. [Okay. That’s likely TMI.]
All this may sound ironic coming from a clinical psychologist and counselor educator who consistently promotes strategies for happiness and well-being. After what I’ve written above, who am I to recommend anything? I ask that question with full awareness of what comes next in this blog. Who am I to offer guidance and educational opportunities? You decide. Here we go!
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The Center for the Advancement of Positive Education (CAPE) and the Montana Happiness Project (that means me and my team) are delighted to be a part of the upcoming Jeremy Bullock Safe Schools Conference in Billings, MT. The main conference will be Aug 5-6. You can register for the conference here: https://jeremybullocksafeschools.com/register. The flyer with a QR code is here:
In the same location, beginning on the afternoon of Aug 6 and continuing for most of Aug 7, CAPE is offering a “Montana Happiness” infused 7-hour bonus training. Using our combined creative skills, we’ve decided to call our workshop: “Happiness for Educators.” Here’s the link to sign up for either a one-credit UM grad course (extra work is required) or 7 OPI units: https://www.campusce.net/umextended/course/course.aspx?C=763&pc=13&mc=&sc=
The flyer for our workshop, with our UM grad course or OPI QR code is at the top of this blog post.
In the final chapter of Rethinking Suicide, Craig Bryan, having reviewed and lamented our collective inability to prevent suicide, turns toward what he views as our most hopeful option: Helping people create lives worth living. Like me, Dr. Bryan has shifted from a traditional suicide prevention perspective to strategies for helping people live lives that are just a little more happy, meaningful, and that include healthy supportive relationships. IMHO, this positive direction provides hope.
In our Billings workshop, we’ll share, discuss, and experience evidence-based happiness strategies. We’ll do this together. We’ll do it together because, in the words of the late Christopher Peterson, “Other people matter. And we are all other people to everyone else.”
Come and join us in Billings . . . for the whole conference . . . or for our workshop . . . or for both.
Some weeks are like that. I’d share the details, but that would spoil the surprise. Besides, I’m really not into giving hate email (or hate mail or hate social media posts) any oxygen.
But today I got an email alert from “A New Angle” the radio-podcast show hosted by Dr. Justin Angle, a professor in the College of Business Administration at the University of Montana. The email was alerting me to the imminent airing of Part 2 of my discussion of “Good Faith” with Just on his renowned radio show. I was grateful for the alert; it also reminded me of my hate email, because the hate email came from someone who listened to Part 1 of our Good Faith conversation and consequently felt that special sort of inspiration that moves people to write hate emails.
I’ve known Justin from a distance for a while. We’re both at the University of Montana, so, you know, there’s been a little chat here, a little chat there. I’ve also known of him growing his small podcast into a big deal on Montana Public Radio and Yellowstone Public Radio. Justin’s show is excellent.
What I didn’t know is the depth and breadth of Justin’s intelligence. I also didn’t know that he’s a fabulous interviewer. I discovered his amazing intelligence and fabulousness when I sat down with him this past May to record a show with him on Good Faith. We talked comfortably for what felt like a long time. Not only did it feel like a long time, it was a long time! It was so long that Justin turned our conversation into a two-part episode for his radio show.
Here’s the email I received:
This week is part two of our conversation with John Sommers-Flanagan, director of the Center for the Advancement of Positive Education at the University of Montana’s Phyllis J. Washington College of Education.
John and Justin pick up where they left off last week talking about how lying and parenting intersect, the concept of confirmation bias and the risks of AI-generated content and building relationships with AI.
Here’s a link to Part 2 of our conversation. It’s also live at 7:30pm tonight (Thursday, June 19, 2025) on Montana Public Radio:
To prevent confusion and conflation, I should note that the title of this blog post represents two separate events:
In 1958, Peggy bit me.
Then, in 2025, she wrote a children’s book.
Just so you know, the 2025 children’s book is NOT about that time she bit me. I’m hoping that will be her second book because I’d really love to get to the bottom of what the heck 3-year-old Peggy was thinking right before she tried to bite off my big toe. My guess it was something like, “I’ll show that chubby, whiny infant baby John a thing or two; he’s not bumping me off my youngest child throne. And if he does, he’ll be limping all the way, because he’ll be missing a toe.”
But I digress. This post is about my wonderful sister’s wonderful new children’s book. I don’t want to make a big deal about my toe injury. The “toe incident,” which people are now calling it, although still emotionally painful for me, is ancient history. Although initially a wild-rabid-feral child, my sister Peggy has grown into a gentle, kind, creative, smart, compassionate, and amazing woman. She would never bite my toe again. Right Peggy?
Peggy’s book is titled, “Catching Memories.” It’s about a unique childhood experience she had with our family (with Gayle and Peggy’s favorite brother, John, as key sibling figures), at Arch Cape, a beautiful beach on the Northern Oregon Coast. We spent many weekends at Arch Cape, as it was our maternal grandparents home.
The specific memory Peggy writes about was SO GOOD. I’m not sharing details. You’ll have to pay the big bucks, $14.99 on Amazon, to read the story. Here’s a link. Buy Catching Memories
Peggy just sent me a copy of an INCREDIBLY POSITIVE Falcon Review of her book. The review is great, because the book is great. I’m guessing Peggy did not bite the toe of the reviewer. I say this because right now I’m typing a great review and hoping Peggy will take notice:
“Catching Memories is a fabulous children’s book about a unique family experience, memories, and kindness. Peggy Lotz’s debut children’s book is written with so much love, affection, and grace that you would never suspect she tried to maim her younger brother. The book is so awesome that you’ll want a copy for your children or for yourself or both. Buy it now”
In case Peggy is reading this, I’m trying to make it clear that even though that Falcon Review guy wrote you a great review, I’ve just written and posted a rather fantastic review . . . AND you (Peggy) bit me. This fantastic review should make it clear that I’m better than that Falcon Press guy could ever hope to be . . . because the fact that I’m writing it for someone who bit me speaks to the sort of selfless and forgiving person I am. In summary: My sister bites my toe and I put aside the pain and write her a stellar review. If I haven’t made it obvious yet, I’m campaigning for the position of being Peggy’s favorite brother. Given that I’m her only brother, I have the inside track, but you can’t mess around with favorite brother stuff because one day, just when you think you’re on top of the world, the next minute your big sister might try to gnaw off your big toe with her big teeth.
All I’m saying here (Peggy), is that I’m your favorite brother. Forget about that Falcon Review guy. He’s not your brother. . . let alone your favorite!
In closing, if any of you care about me, please show it by buying a copy of my sister’s book.
P.S. Here’s the best thing. Peggy says there’s a chance that the marketing plan might involve creating “Gayle, Peggy, and John” dolls. . . which is simply the coolest idea ever.
At long last, we’ve begun work on revising our Counseling and Psychotherapy Theories text for its 4th edition. Over the past several weeks, I’ve been putting in an hour or two a day, chipping away on chapter revisions, reaching out to reviewers, and planning with our new and very exciting co-author, Dr. Bryan Cochran, a highly esteemed psychology professor at the University of Montana. If you’re reading this, I want you to know of Bryan’s awesomeness (and if you’re Bryan, I want you to feel the pressure of this public announcement of your awesomeness) [hahahaha!]
You all probably know that our Theories textbook is far and away the Theories textbook with the most hilarity. No doubt, this is a rather low bar, given that I can’t find any funny stories in any other theories texts. We view theories hilarity to be extremely important in a theories text, because reading many theories texts can parallel the proverbial experience of watching paint dry.
Bryan’s addition to the writing team will give us something we need—an expert in the LGBTQ+ domain, and someone with a talent for telling stories that are simultaneously engaging, informative, and fun to read. Right now, he’s busy writing a “Lenses” chapter (to be Chapter 2) to orient readers to important theory-related lenses like (a) Queer theory, (b) Critical Race theory, (c) Intersectionality, and more. I, for one, can hardly wait for his Queer theory quips.
News Flash: In the past, I’ve put out broad calls for chapter reviewers. This time, I’m being selective and directly asking prominent theories experts to review chapters and offer guidance. Some examples: For the Adlerian chapter we’ve got Marina Bluvshtein (woohoo!) and Jon Sperry (wow!). For the Psychoanalytic chapter, we got Nancy McWilliams (amazing!) and Pratyusha Tammala-Narra (fantastic!).
If you happen to be a specific theories subject matter expert, you should email me at john.sf@mso.umt.edu to get in on the fun. Or if you have a prominent theories friend/colleague to recommend, have them email me.
As one last theories teaser, below I’m pasting a few excerpts from Nancy McWilliams’s 2021 article titled, “Diagnosis and Its Discontents: Reflections on Our Current Dilemma.” I love this article as it gives a glimpse into problems with contemporary diagnoses and how psychodynamic therapists use individualized assessment in ways to honor the real-life complexities clients bring into psychotherapy. The excerpts below are from her article, which is linked at the end of this post.
On Labeling
The idea that one is anxious (or depressed or obsessive) about something that has meaning is being lost. Fitting an individual into a category tends to foreclose exploration of what is unique to a patient; it especially prevents insights into unexpected aspects of a person’s psychology or exploration of areas that are felt as shameful – the very areas that are of particular value in planning and carrying out psychotherapy.
On the vexing ways in which patients think about themselves and their diagnoses
It used to be that a socially avoidant woman would come for therapy saying something like, “I’m a painfully shy person, and I need help learning how to deal better with people in social situations.” Now a person with that concern is likely to tell me that she “has” social phobia – as if an alien affliction has invaded her otherwise problem-free subjective life. People talk about themselves in acronyms oddly dissociated from their lived experience: “my OCD,” “my eating disorder,” “my bipolar.” There is an odd estrangement from one’s sense of an agentic self, including one’s own behavior, body, emotional and spiritual life, and felt suffering, and consequently one’s possibilities for solving a problem. There is a passive quality in many individuals currently seeking therapy, as if they feel that the prototype for making an internal psychological change is to describe their symptoms to an expert and wait to be told what medicine to take, what exercises to do, or what self-help manual to read.
On “chemical imbalances”
. . . viewing psychological suffering as a set of disorders that can be fixed or improved chemically can easily invite the obverse assumption that those painful experiences are ultimately caused by random or genetically based chemical differences among individuals. This is a false conclusion, of course, something like saying that because marijuana improves appetite, the cause of low appetite is lack of marijuana. But it is nevertheless a frequent leap of illogic – in the thinking of nonprofessionals and of some professionals as well – to ascribe much severe psychological suffering to a “chemical imbalance.” Such a construction tempts us to ignore all the painful other sources of psychological suffering, such as poverty, neglect, trauma, and the myriad ways in which human beings can injure each other psychologically.
On not overgeneralizing research findings/recommendations to unique patients
. . . consider patients at the extreme end of the obsessive-compulsive continuum, whose obsessions border on delusional beliefs, who suffer profound annihilation anxiety, who wholeheartedly believe they will die if they fail to carry out their rituals, and who regard the therapist with suspicion for not sharing their conviction – in other words, the subgroup of obsessive patients that Kernberg (1984) would consider as psychologically organized at the low borderline or psychotic level. My experience suggests that with this group exposure therapy not only fails, it demoralizes the patients, makes them feel like failures personally, and kills any hope they may have that psychotherapy can help. It also demoralizes therapists, who have been told again and again that exposure therapy is the treatment of choice for OCD. If they believe their teachers, such clinicians can easily conclude they are simply not good enough therapists.
If I’ve piqued your interest in “Diagnosis and its discontents” by Nancy McWilliams, here’s a pdf of the article.
John Sommers-Flanagan 