Tag Archives: Kindness

Happiness, Love, Parenting, Personal Reflections, Writing

Peggy Bit Me . . . and Then She Wrote a Children’s Book

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Version 1.0.0

To prevent confusion and conflation, I should note that the title of this blog post represents two separate events:

  1. In 1958, Peggy bit me.
  2. Then, in 2025, she wrote a children’s book.

Just so you know, the 2025 children’s book is NOT about that time she bit me. I’m hoping that will be her second book because I’d really love to get to the bottom of what the heck 3-year-old Peggy was thinking right before she tried to bite off my big toe. My guess it was something like, “I’ll show that chubby, whiny infant baby John a thing or two; he’s not bumping me off my youngest child throne. And if he does, he’ll be limping all the way, because he’ll be missing a toe.”

But I digress. This post is about my wonderful sister’s wonderful new children’s book. I don’t want to make a big deal about my toe injury. The “toe incident,” which people are now calling it, although still emotionally painful for me, is ancient history. Although initially a wild-rabid-feral child, my sister Peggy has grown into a gentle, kind, creative, smart, compassionate, and amazing woman. She would never bite my toe again. Right Peggy?

Peggy’s book is titled, “Catching Memories.” It’s about a unique childhood experience she had with our family (with Gayle and Peggy’s favorite brother, John, as key sibling figures), at Arch Cape, a beautiful beach on the Northern Oregon Coast. We spent many weekends at Arch Cape, as it was our maternal grandparents home.

The specific memory Peggy writes about was SO GOOD. I’m not sharing details. You’ll have to pay the big bucks, $14.99 on Amazon, to read the story. Here’s a link. Buy Catching Memories

Peggy just sent me a copy of an INCREDIBLY POSITIVE Falcon Review of her book. The review is great, because the book is great. I’m guessing Peggy did not bite the toe of the reviewer. I say this because right now I’m typing a great review and hoping Peggy will take notice:

“Catching Memories is a fabulous children’s book about a unique family experience, memories, and kindness. Peggy Lotz’s debut children’s book is written with so much love, affection, and grace that you would never suspect she tried to maim her younger brother. The book is so awesome that you’ll want a copy for your children or for yourself or both. Buy it now”

In case Peggy is reading this, I’m trying to make it clear that even though that Falcon Review guy wrote you a great review, I’ve just written and posted a rather fantastic review . . . AND you (Peggy) bit me. This fantastic review should make it clear that I’m better than that Falcon Press guy could ever hope to be . . . because the fact that I’m writing it for someone who bit me speaks to the sort of selfless and forgiving person I am. In summary: My sister bites my toe and I put aside the pain and write her a stellar review. If I haven’t made it obvious yet, I’m campaigning for the position of being Peggy’s favorite brother. Given that I’m her only brother, I have the inside track, but you can’t mess around with favorite brother stuff because one day, just when you think you’re on top of the world, the next minute your big sister might try to gnaw off your big toe with her big teeth.

All I’m saying here (Peggy), is that I’m your favorite brother. Forget about that Falcon Review guy. He’s not your brother. . . let alone your favorite!

In closing, if any of you care about me, please show it by buying a copy of my sister’s book.

Buy Catching Memories

P.S. Here’s the best thing. Peggy says there’s a chance that the marketing plan might involve creating “Gayle, Peggy, and John” dolls. . . which is simply the coolest idea ever.

If you’re curious about the original “Peggy Bit Me” story, just click here: https://johnsommersflanagan.com/2019/01/28/peggy-bit-me/

Happiness, Personal Reflections, Politics, Writing

A Declaration of Independence

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Author Note: As simple and naïve as this may sound, my new subversive social message and political metric is kindness. The social message is intentional kindness. Kindness everywhere; kindness as often as we can muster. The political metric is, “Who is acting with kindness?” Let kindness be our judge.

Occasionally in my life, I’ve seen the future. This moderately delusional belief is related to my love of prediction. Right now, I see tomorrow’s opportunities unfolding. I’m sharing my vision here as a strategy for nudging these opportunities forward. The future I’m seeing is all about, “A Declaration of Independence.”

You might view this post as political. I’m sure it is. That said, my intent is humanitarian. I want people to be treated with respect and compassion. Again, think of kindness.  

Donald Trump has begun his presidency at a manic pace. This is a planned mania. He needs mania now, because his days are numbered; his days are numbered due to his age and the forthcoming midterm elections—when he could and should lose substantial power. He and his team can feel the clock ticking.

His mania is a confession of vulnerability. Approximately half the republican party lie in wait for their moment of emancipation . . . the moment to make their declaration of independence from Donald Trump.

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Dear Moderate Republicans,

This is your moment.

Now is the time to seize the day.

You have an unprecedented opportunity for heroism.

I know you can feel and sense this opportunity. You’re too smart and savvy to be ignorant of political opportunity. You must know that now is the time for you to stand up and do what’s right and good for the country and for the world.

Heroism requires self-sacrifice; it involves risk. You cannot achieve hero status without engaging in risky, humanitarian, and possibly sacrificial acts.

But you have a rare heroic opportunity to benefit OTHERS while simultaneously benefiting YOURSELF. Yes, there is still risk.

The risk involves standing up to Donald Trump. And, while that is a risk, most of the country and most of the world are waiting and hoping for someone to emerge who represents wise leadership. You know it’s not Elon Musk or J.D. Vance. It could be you.

Risk is frightening. Risk is also invigorating. Incredibly invigorating.

But why take a risk when you can—in poker terminology—stand pat, take no risk, and continue to experience a modest gain from remaining a status quo supporter of Donald Trump.

Here’s why.

You know in your heart how good it will feel to honor what you know to be true. To live your life with a clear conscience; to look yourself in the mirror and say, “I did something amazing.”

If following your heart and conscience needs a nudge, here are a few actions you’ve been asked to lie about—to yourself and to the American people:

  1. Allowing a vaccine-denier to serve as Secretary of Health and Human Services, a Fox News analyst as Secretary of Defense, a potential Russian asset as Secretary of Intelligence, and a professional wrestling executive for Secretary of Education. You know America deserves better.
  2. Replacing traditional federal oversight mechanisms (like Inspectors General) with Musk and his DOGE crew to cruelly eliminate what they judge to be waste in the federal system. You know the depth and breadth of Musk’s conflicts of interest. You know that giving him more power will not satiate his voracious hunger for even more power.
  3. Ignoring the dangers of reaching out to Putin and turning our backs on Ukraine.
  4. Pretending that creating a Gazan coastal resort to further the Trump/Musk empire is a just and viable road to peace in the Middle East.
  5. Giving the go-ahead to illegal and unregulated mass deportations and the repopulating of an unaccountable Guantanamo Bay.
  6. Acting as if the U.S. can unilaterally annex Canada, grab Greenland, and steal the Panama Canal.
  7. Trusting that global tariff wars will improve relationships with our allies or reduce the cost of eggs.
  8. And finally, you cannot give up your critically important constitutional responsibilities to rein in a power-hungry executive branch. The founding fathers created a system with separation of powers for times like these. Don’t let them down.

Now is the time to pick one or more of the preceding issues and stand firm in the face of the Donald Trump-Musk bloviating firestorm. You risk threats, name-calling, and manipulation; but, the majority of Americans (and global citizens) are waiting, hoping, and longing for YOU to step up and stand strong.

People will shower you with praise, affection, and much more power and attention than you’ll ever get by playing it safe as a quiet member of the Trumpian order.

By standing up for truth, you will be revered.

Honor your conscience. Be honest with yourself. Make Americans proud.

This is your moment.  

Be strong.

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Acts of Kindness . . . in Hawai’i

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This is our room with a view.

I’m a little embarrassed to report that Rita and I are on the Big Island of Hawai’i. We’re house-sitting for a friend. I know it’s hard work (insert eye-roll here). I have to wipe up the gecko poop and pee every morning. We’re here and experiencing this great fortune because a friend presented us with a very big act of kindness.

This week’s Montana Happiness Challenge is all about acts of kindness. Turns out, kindness is emotionally and psychologically healthy; this is true whether we engage in the act, receive the act, or observe the act. In a fascinating study titled, “Brief exposure to social media during the COVID-19 pandemic: Doom-scrolling has negative emotional consequences, but kindness-scrolling does not,” the researchers noted that doom scrolling during COVID reduced positive affect and optimism. In contrast, looking for positive stories of kindness on the internet either had no effect, or reduced negative affect.

As someone who has done more doom-scrolling than kindness scrolling, that’s good information to know. Here’s a link to the study: https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0257728

Below, please find the kindness homework for this week. I know it’s Wednesday and the week is growing shorting, but I’ve found that being in Hawai’i is terribly distracting. Who knew?

Here’s a gecko trying to either work on or poop on my computer.

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About a decade or two ago, the concept, “Random acts of kindness” gained traction. Now, about a decade or two later, I’m a little sad that random acts of kindness has become the most common way we talk about kindness. I say this despite the fact that I’m a big fan of randomness and kindness.

For your assignment this week, I’d like all of us to break away from the mentality of randomness and embrace the mentality of intentionality.

Intentional acts give us—as actors in the grand theater of life—greater agency. Instead of being stuck with a script someone else wrote, when we embrace intentionality, we become the author of every scene. Rather than randomly responding to opportunities with kindness, we exert our will. What this means is that when an opportunity for kindness pops up, we already have a plan . . . and that plan involves creatively finding a way to respond with kindness. How cool is that?

Let’s think about this together.

Toward whom would you like to demonstrate kindness? A stranger? If so, it might feel random in that you might act kind in a moment of spontaneity. But your spontaneity—although wonderful—is a moment when your intentionality (to be a person who acts with kindness) meets opportunity. In this way, even acts toward strangers that seem or feel spontaneous, will be acts that reflect your deeper values and character.

Maybe you’d like to intentionally be kind to a friend, a parent, or a sibling. Again, this requires thought and planning and the ability to step outside yourself. Assuming that others want what you want can backfire. You’ll need to step into another person’s world: What would your friend, parent, or sibling appreciate? 

To stay with the theater metaphor, you’re the script-writer and you’ve written yourself into this performance. For this week, the script or plan includes a character who values kindness and who watches for opportunities to share that value with others. You’re that character.

Your job is to translate your character trait of kindness into actions that represent kindness. I don’t what that will look like for you. Maybe you don’t either. That’s the magic—where your character meets opportunity and opportunity meets planned spontaneity.

Your other job is to share about your kindness experiences on social media. You can share your efforts to act with kindness or share your experience of someone acting with kindness toward you.

Have a fabulous and kindness-filled week!

John

Happiness, Love, Personal Reflections

The Acts of Kindness Challenge

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On TikTok, people often post challenges. A couple years ago, one of my former students reached out to me for a consultation because he was getting an unusual number of young clients reporting psychotic symptoms. Turns out there was a TikTok challenge to see if kids could trick their counselor or psychotherapist into thinking they were psychotic. This sort of “challenge” just turns me speechless.

But, no worries. I’m never speechless for long.

Today I’m issuing my own non-TikTok challenge. Along with wishing you all Happy Random Acts of Kindness Day, I’m challenging you to adopt an attitude of kindness.

Random Acts of Kindness Day has been celebrated since 1995. Although I love randomness and kindness, as some of you already know, I believe our efforts toward kindness should be more than just random. We should put value into being a kind person, have a kindness intention, and then be waiting and watching for kindness opportunities around every corner.

Just in case you want a copy of my “Intentional Acts of Kindness Homework Assignment,” here it is:

active-learning-10-kindnessDownload

Good luck with the Intentional Acts of Kindness challenge. If you do something kind and feel an impulse to share it, please share it as a comment on this blog, or through your preferred social media platform.

And now, I present you with a kindness opportunity.

Hana Meshesha, one of our University of Montana doctoral students in counseling, is conducting a qualitative research study. I’m posting her call for participants below. If you or someone you know meets the criteria to participate in her study, please contact Hana. Her contact information is also below.

Hello! 

My name is Hana Meshesha and I am a doctoral candidate in the Counselor Education and Supervision program at the University of Montana. I am conducting a qualitative research study on the experience and process of surviving from sexual trauma for individuals identifying as part of a minority/underrepresented group. My goal is to develop a framework to better support survivors of sexual trauma. This research is approved by the University of Montana Institutional Review Board #213-22.  

If you experienced sexual trauma and identify as a part of a minority/underrepresented group based on your sexual orientation, gender, race, and/or ability status, I would appreciate your participation in this study. You are eligible for this study if you meet all of the following criteria:  

  • Identify as a survivor of adulthood sexual violence and the sexual trauma is no longer intruding on your daily functioning
  • Have disclosed your experience to another person prior to participating in this study 
  • Are 20 years of age or older 
  • Identify as part of a minority/underrepresented group based on your gender, sexual orientation, disability status and/or race 
  • Have not experienced childhood sexual abuse/trauma.

Participating in this study involves two 60-minute interviews focused on your process of surviving and healing from the experience of sexual trauma. If you are interested and willing, you will also be asked to share a poem, picture, song, or any artwork that represents your journey of surviving from sexual trauma. To participate or ask any questions related to this study, please contact me at hana.meshesha@umconnect.umt.edu or 406-303-1794. 

Thank you for your time and consideration.  

Hana Meshesha 

Happiness, Personal Reflections, Writing

This Week’s Happiness Homework . . . Acts of Kindness . . . from the University of Montana

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This is the assignment for my happiness students at the University of Montana. Check it out.

About a decade or two ago, the concept, “Random acts of kindness” gained traction. Now, about a decade or two later, I’m a little sad that random acts of kindness has become the most common way we talk about kindness. I say this despite the fact that I’m a big fan of randomness.

For your assignment this week, I’d like all of us to break away from the randomness mentality and embrace intentionality.

Intentional acts give us—as actors in the grand theater of life—greater agency. Instead of being stuck with a script someone else wrote, when we embrace intentionality, we become the author of every scene. Rather than randomly responding to opportunities with kindness, we can exert our will. What this means is that when an opportunity for kindness pops up, we already have a plan . . . and that plan involves creatively finding a way to respond with kindness. How cool is that?

Let’s think about this together.

Toward whom would you like to demonstrate kindness? A stranger? If so, it might feel random in that you might act kind in a moment of spontaneity. But your spontaneity—although wonderful—is a moment when your intentionality (to be a person who acts with kindness) meets opportunity. In this way, even acts toward strangers that seem or feel spontaneous, will be acts that reflect your deeper values and character.

Maybe you’d like to intentionally be kind to a friend, a parent, or a sibling. Again, this requires thought and planning and the ability to step outside yourself. Assuming that others want what you want can backfire. You’ll need to step into another person’s world: What would your friend, parent, or sibling appreciate?

To stay with the theater metaphor, you’re the script-writer and you’ve written yourself into this performance. For this week, the script or plan includes a character who values kindness and who watches for opportunities to share that value with others. You’re that character.

Your job is to translate your kind character into kind action. I don’t what that will look like for you. Maybe you don’t either. That’s the magic—where opportunity meets planned spontaneity.

Your other job is to write a summary of this experience (100 to 300 words) to Dan and me and to post it in the correct Moodle destination.

Have a fabulous week!

John SF

This is a photo of the James River in Richmond, Virginia this past Sunday evening.

James River Richmond