Tag Archives: Goal-Setting

Happiness, Love, Personal Reflections, Writing

New Year’s Resolutions, Intentions, and Goals: A Guide to What Works—Sometimes

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I’m done with New Year’s resolutions. This year, I’m changing from New Year’s resolutions to New Year’s intentions.

My first New Year’s intention is to be on time, which is why I’m writing this blog about nine days into 2026.

New Year’s resolutions, intentions, and goal-setting are distinctions with very little difference. You know what they say, “A rose by any other name still smells the same.” But, several years ago, New Year’s intentions became chic. That means if your goal—like mine—for 2026 is to become more chic, you should set intentions, because goals stink.

Whether we call them resolutions, intentions, or goals, ambition for self-improvement is based on one central idea in mental and behavioral health: We all want to be better, to do better, and to become better versions of ourselves.

But self-improvement has never been and never will be easy. What gets in the way? Almost anything. We get distracted. We lose motivation. We get in our own way. We get annoyed and enraged at a world over which we have no control and then give up on the things we do have control over. If you’ve become frustrated at improving yourself (or our American democracy), join the club.

Before I offer a list of tips for bending resolutions, intentions, or goals to your will—so you can remake yourself, here’s a big caveat: Nothing always works. Just because I list it below, it doesn’t mean it will work for you. Life is an experiment. To effectively change your behavior is a long and winding experimental path. Your first resolution, intention, or goal should be to learn as much as you can as you experiment (and intermittently fail) at your efforts for self-improvement. Now, here’s the list of ideas you can try to make yourself a better YOU in 2026.

  1. Linger, reflect, and contemplate on what you want to change about yourself and your life. Impulsive goals last until you get to your next impulse. You may want to consult with someone about what you want to change and why. When building intentions, clarity helps. Finding your why helps too.
  2. Don’t set DUMB goals. I could have suggested that you set SMART goals, but that’s boring and passé and I’m chic. DUMB goals are goals that involve factors outside your control. If your goal is to experience even more frustration then you’re already experiencing, then be sure to make your goal all about somebody else, like, for example, getting your romantic partner, your parent, or your child to communicate better or be on time or stop criticizing you. If you want a snowball’s chance of success, put the resolution, intention, or goal within your circle of control.
  3. Make yourself a bad-ass plan. You shouldn’t rely on your mythical willpower or your vision board or somebody else’s plan. You know yourself. Make a plan that incorporates knowledge from your previous successes. Use your knowledge of your skills for avoidance and your tendency toward distraction to build yourself a unique plan for change.
  4. Set yourself up for easy actions. Let’s say you want to run a marathon or lose 20 pounds or bench press 220 lbs. Would you expect success tomorrow? Of course not. If you’re chic like me, set short-term and long-term intentions.
  5. Go public. If you tell a few people about your goals, you’re more likely to stick with them. Why? It’s not rocket science. Who wants to humiliate themselves via public failure? Also, it doesn’t hurt to check your realism with your friends and family. If your family tells you you’re foolish, use that info in one of two ways: (a) re-evaluate and re-set your goal or (b) use your family’s lack of faith in you as motivation to prove them wrong.
  6. Physically, mentally, and emotionally celebrate short-term success. One of the best tricks for habit change is to celebrate the small steps you make toward success. If you want to engage in social justice activities, give yourself a high-five or a fist pump or a verbal yessssss when you take a tiny step toward meeting with a like-minded civic group. Your brain will feel the love and help you continue toward your goal.
  7. Manage your self-talk (or not). Inevitably, your brain will try to sabotage you. You’ll hear an inner voice of doubt. Words like “You can’t do it” will rise up to smite you and your efforts. Don’t bother wondering where they came from. Either just notice them, say hello, and then let them float away or push back on them with evidence and effort.

This is a short list of a few ideas. There’s much more out there in the world, should you be interested. One warning: If you’re reading or watching something that promises magically easy self-improvement “hacks,” just get out your clicker and change the channel, because, if you’re chic like me, then you know self-improvement requires a savvy plan and sustained effort.

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For more information:

An article on “Better Habits” from Time Magazine by Professor Fogg of Stanford University: https://time.com/5756833/better-control-emotions-better-habits/

An old “Hidden Brain” podcast called “Creatures of Habit.” https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/creatures-of-habit/

A short goal-setting assignment I’ve used with my happiness classes:

Active Learning 2 Goal-SettingDownload

An even shorter “Change one thing” reading from the happiness challenge:

Happy Challenge Change One ThingDownload

Happiness

Goal-Setting for Happiness

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One of my favorite old New Yorker cartoons, by Tom Cheney, features a man in a cap standing on a street corner next to a paper shredding machine. He’s smoking. A hand-written sign leans against his shredder; it reads,

It took me months to “get it.” Cheney’s man on the street is telling us to shred our ambitions, and not look back.

But why?

Probably because, in a hung-over stupor or on a misinformed high, we set a bunch of DUMB New Year’s resolutions.

Despite Cheney’s cynical irreverence (which I appreciate very much), the evidence on goal-setting is extremely positive. We do better when we set goals. The problem is, much like Cheney’s man on the street, most of us set ill-conceived, unrealistic, poor goals and double-down on that with ill-conceived, unrealistic, and poor plans—or no plans at all, which is another bad option).

We could be smarter. . . at least when it comes to goal-setting and planning.

There is literally a digital ton of information on the internet on what has been affectionately named, SMART goals. If you don’t know what they are do a search and learn. For brevity, and to keep our focus on happiness, I’m limiting my goal-setting advice to three main points.

First, set goals to increase positive behavioral practices in your life. Avoid setting goals to reduce or eliminate negative or undesirable behaviors. Turns out, usually we have greater success adding positive behaviors and using them to “crowd out” our negative behaviors. An example: Instead of thinking “I’ll stop procrastinating,” set a goal to get started on new projects within 24 hours (or sooner) of putting them on your list.

Second, set goals that are completely within your control. Don’t set goals for someone else, “I’m going to get my son to clean his room.” In that case, your goal might be to develop the best plan possible for trying to get your son to clean his room, while recognizing that him cleaning is slightly outside of your direct control.

Third, keep in mind that goal-setting—although a highly effective personal growth strategy—can be fraught. Imagine the athlete or musician who focuses exclusively on perfection. Although perfect performances may be aspirational, when reality sets in and the performance is less than perfect—as it always will be—frustration and disappointment ensue. Realistic and SMART goal-setting, along with self-compassion for facing failure, is a healthier road to success.

For this activity, identify a SMART, achievable goal within your control. Then, in contrast to how Americans approach New Year’s Resolutions, develop an excellent plan for accomplishing your goals. Here are some planning tips:

  1. Our brains are imperfect and so you should develop a sticky-note or smart-phone reminder system to aid you in remembering to implement your plan.
  2. Be very aware of the small and simple behaviors that lead toward your goal. For example, if healthier eating is your goal, when you drink a green smoothie instead of eating pound cake, stop, and immediately give yourself a “high-five” or anything physical to celebrate your very small accomplishment. Even better, say “Yesssssss!” or “Oh yeah!” aloud. Your self-reinforcement should be immediate and noticeable. If your goal is to get a school paper or work project done on time (instead of procrastinating) do a little dance, clap your hands, or sing a few lines from a celebratory song right after you power up your computer and open the document you want to work on. You may need to keep doing this every 5 to 15 minutes to give your brain the neurochemical push to make avoiding procrastination a habit.
  3. Link your challenging “goal” behaviors with something pleasant. The best example I ever heard of was a student in my happiness class who developed and sustained a running routine because she would only let herself listen to her favorite music when she was running.
  4. Get a goal-setting partner. Usually, we all do better with social support.
  5. Consider going public with your goal and plans. Usually, we all do better with social support.

Because there’s evidence that going public with well-thought-out goals and plans can enhance goal attainment, to the extent that you’re comfortable, please share your goals/plans on social media, encourage others to do so, and support them in their goal-setting efforts.

In the meantime, happy goal-setting!

Happiness, Personal Reflections, Writing

Goodbye 2020 . . . You’re Nothing but History Now

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Happy New Year!

As a method for putting 2020 behind me and focusing on a hopeful 2021, I engaged in some forward thinking (rather unusual for me) and wrote an op-ed piece for the Missoulian newspaper to be published TODAY! Below, I’ve pasted the beginning of the article, along with a link to the whole darn thing in the Missoulian. If you feel so moved, please share and like this. . . and I hope you experience the return of happiness in 2021.

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The Return of Happiness: Your 2021 Guide

Usually a great source of snarky humor, the Urban Dictionary lists its top definition for 2020 as, “The worst year ever.” Sadly, even the Urban Dictionary couldn’t find creative inspiration from the horrors of 2020. Goodbye, 2020; you will not be missed.

. . . for the rest of the article, click below:

https://missoulian.com/opinion/columnists/the-return-of-happiness-your-2021-guide/article_b513a4aa-a644-5dd6-8cd2-c6c23f7a1f83.html?utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter&utm_campaign=user-share

Personal Reflections, Writing

My 2020 New Year’s Resolutions – Part 1

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This year, for the first time in recorded history, my New Year’s resolutions are experiencing a well-earned deferral.

I should note that me deferring my New Year’s resolutions has nothing to do with procrastination, bone spurs, sexual indiscretions in the oval office, impeachment, or my inability to construct a sentence that doesn’t include irreverent sarcasm. Instead, the deferral is about my recent epiphany: Making resolutions during the first week of January is an act of great folly!

I’d explain the rationale underlying my epiphany, but like many procrastination rationalizations, I’m still working on it. Actually, that’s not true—I’ve already worked out the rationale—but I’m still working on a full-length article describing why it’s pure foolishness to set aspirational goals on New Year’s Day, along with how and when you should set your goals if you want to be successful. This particular blog post (the one you’re reading now) flows from my sneaky effort to get your anticipation building.

Think about this: I’m giving you permission to wait on your New Year’s resolutions. You should make no resolutions until you’ve read the full-length article. Said differently, I’m giving you permission to procrastinate! Now can you feel the anticipation building?

By the way, if you happen to have advice on where to submit said article, please immediately share your ideas with me. Don’t wait on that. Given that my success in submitting snarky op-ed pieces is small and shrinking like a 21st century glacier, I need your help now.

As a partial spoiler, I’d like to share three things.

  1. I’m seriously contemplating punctuality as one of my New Year’s resolutions.
  2. The working title of my upcoming New Year’s masterpiece on goal-setting is: Don’t Wait: Why You Should Start Rethinking Your New Year’s Resolutions Right Now
  3. The opening paragraph of the draft of my article starts like this:

There’s an old Tom Cheney New Yorker cartoon that features a guy in a cap standing on a street corner next to a paper shredding machine. There’s a sign leaning on his shredder that reads,

Shred Your

New Year’s Resolutions

50 cents

That’s enough for now.

Like I said, just wait, let the anticipation build, and while you’re waiting—and procrastinating—be sure to take time to feel good about the waiting.

 

Clinical Interviewing, Counseling and Psychotherapy Theory and Practice, Suicide Assessment and Intervention

A Sneak Peek at the Suicide Assessment and Treatment Planning Workshop Coming to Billings on November 8

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Anybody wondering what’s new in suicide assessment and treatment?

If so, come listen to any or all of a very nice suicide prevention/intervention line-up on November 7 and 8 on the campus of Montana State University in Billings. Here’s a news link with detailed info: https://billingsgazette.com/news/local/let-s-talk-montana-suicide-prevention-workshops-coming-to-msub/article_9a6f04ff-376f-56b8-a6a8-9a0160ba1cbb.html

For my part, I’m presenting the latest iteration of the suicide assessment and treatment model Rita and I have been working on for the past couple years. To help make suicide assessment and treatment planning easier, we’ve started using six common sense life domains to organize, understand, and apply specific assessment and intervention tools.

Another unique component of our model is an emphasis on client strengths and wellness. Obviously, in the context of suicide, it’s impossible (and wrong) to ignore clients’ emotional pain and suffering. However, we also think it’s possible (and right) to intermittently recognize, nurture, and focus on clients’ strengths, well-being, and goals.

What follows is a sneak peek at what I’ll be covering on Friday, November 8.

Suicide Interventions and Treatment Planning: Foundational Principles

Two essential principles that cut across all modern evidence-based protocols and evidence-based interventions form the foundation of all contemporary suicide assessment and treatment models:

  • Collaboration – Working in partnership with clients
  • Compassion – Emotional attunement without judgment

Collaborative practitioners work with clients, not on clients. Clients experiencing suicidal thoughts and impulses typically know their struggles from the inside out. Their self-knowledge makes them an invaluable resource. Carl Rogers (1961) put it this way,

It is the client who knows what hurts, what directions to go, what problems are crucial, what experiences have been deeply buried. It began to occur to me that unless I had a need to demonstrate my own cleverness and learning, I would do better to rely upon the client for the direction of movement in the process. (p. 11)

Compassionate practitioners resonate with client emotions and engage in respectful and gentle emotional exploration. Although compassion involves an empathic emotional response, it also includes tuning into and respecting client cognitions, beliefs, and experiences. For example, some clients who are suicidal feel spiritually or culturally bereft or disconnected. Regardless of their own beliefs and cultural values, compassionate counselors show empathy for their clients’ particular spiritual or cultural distress.

Clients who are or who become suicidal are often observant, sensitive, and intelligent. If they feel you’re judging them, they’re likely to experience a relationship rupture (Safran, Muran, & Eubanks-Carter, 2011). When ruptures occur, clients typically become less open, less engaged, and less honest about their suicidal thoughts and impulses. They also may become angry, aggressive, and critical of your efforts to be of help. In both cases, relational ruptures signal a need to work on mending the therapeutic relationship.

[For a helpful meta-analysis with recommendations on repairing ruptures, check out this article from the Safran lab: http://www.safranlab.net/uploads/7/6/4/6/7646935/repairing_alliance_ruptures._psychotherapy_2011.pdf%5D

The Six Life Domains

Working with clients who are suicidal can be overwhelming. To help organize and streamline the assessment and treatment planning process, it’s helpful to consider six distinct, but overlapping life domains. These domains provide a holistic description of human functioning. When clients experience suicidal thoughts and impulses, you can be sure the suicidal state will manifest through one or more of these six domains (i.e., emotions, cognitions, interpersonal, physical, spiritual/cultural, and behavioral; see below for a brief description of the six domains). All case examples and content in the workshop use these six domains to focus and organize client problems, goals/strengths, and interventions.

Suicidality as Manifest through Six Life Domains             

The Emotional Domain. A driving force in the suicidal state is excruciating emotional distress. Shneidman called this “psychache” and toward the end of his career concluded: “Suicide is caused by psychache” (1993, p. 53). Extreme distress is experienced subjectively. This is one reason there are so many different suicide risk factors. When a specific experience triggers excruciating distress for a given individual (e.g., unemployment, insomnia, etc.), it may increase suicide risk. Reducing emotional distress and facilitating positive emotional experiences is usually goal #1 in your treatment plan. Treatment plans often target general distress as well as specific and problematic emotions like (a) sadness, (b) shame, (c) fear/anxiety, and (d) guilt/regret.
The Cognitive Domain. Suicidal distress interferes with cognitive functioning. The resulting constricted thinking impairs problem-solving and creativity. The emotional distress and depressed mood associated with suicidality decreases the ability to think of or value alternatives to suicide. Several other cognitive variables are also linked to suicidality, including hopelessness and self-hatred. Most treatment plans will include collaborative problem-solving, and gentle challenging of maladaptive thoughts. Specific interventions may be employed to support client problem-solving, increase client hopefulness, and decrease client self-hatred.
The Interpersonal Domain. Hundreds of studies link social problems to suicidality, suicide attempts, and suicide deaths. Joiner (2005) identified two interpersonal problems that are deeply linked to suicide: thwarted belongingness and perceived burdensomeness. Many risk factors (e.g., recent romantic break-up, family rejection of sexuality, health conditions that cause people to feel like a burden) can exacerbate thwarted belongingness and cause people to perceive themselves as a social burden. Improving interpersonal relationships is often a key part of treatment planning.
The Physical/Biogenetic Domain. Physiological factors can contribute to suicide risk. In particular, researchers have recently focused on agitation or physiological arousal; these physical states tend to push individuals toward suicidal action. Additionally, chronic illness or pain, insomnia, and other disturbing health situations (including addictions) contribute to suicide, especially when accompanied by hopelessness. When present, physical conditions and biogenetic predispositions should be integrated into suicide prevention, treatment planning, and risk management.
The Spiritual/Cultural Domain. Meaningful life experiences can be a protective influence against suicide. No doubt, a wide range of cultural or religious pressures, spiritual/religious exile, or other factors can decrease an individual’s sense of meaning and can contribute to suicidal thoughts and behaviors. Including spiritual or meaning-focused components in a treatment plan can improve outcomes, especially among clients who hold deep spiritual and cultural values.
The Behavioral Domain. All of the preceding life domains can contribute to suicide, but suicide doesn’t occur unless individuals act on suicidal thoughts and impulses. The behavioral domain focuses on suicide intentions and active suicide planning. When clients actively plan or rehearse suicide, they may be doing so to overcome natural fears and aversions to physical pain and death; natural fears and aversions stop many people from suicide. Joiner (2005) and Klonsky and May (2015) have written about how desensitization to physical pain and to ideas of death move people toward suicidal action. Several factors increase risk in this domain and may be relevant to treatment planning, (a) availability of lethal means (especially firearms), (b) using substances for emotional/physical numbing, and (c) repeated suicide rehearsal (e.g., increased cutting behaviors).

*Note: These domains will always overlap, but they can prove helpful as you collaboratively identify problem areas and goals with your client.

If you’re interested in learning more about this suicide assessment and treatment planning model, I hope to see you in Billings on November 8!