You’re probably keenly aware of the fact that if you do a good job at small things, people just keep asking you for more. That being the case, this year I’ve got four major gift requests.
First, please do what you can to eliminate human greed. I think greed has outlived its evolutionary usefulness. If you could poof away greed (while at the same time overlooking my greedy wishes), that would be simply awesome.
Second, as long as you’re eliminating human greed, it makes perfect sense for you to also get rid of the human revenge impulse. Like greed, there are so many basic problems with the revenge concept that it’s really just starting to look like a creative design flaw. Please take the revenge gene up to the North Pole and bury it somewhere no one will ever find.
Third, I’d like every child, everywhere, to feel loved, every day. I’d also like all these children to never doubt their parents or caregivers love for them, but that’s just part of gift 3 and not a new request. I know that’s a lot to ask . . . but hey, it’s Christmas and you’re Santa.
Fourth, would you please wipe away the effects of trauma? It’s bad enough that so many people on the planet have experienced rape, war, physical and sexual abuse, natural disasters, and countless other horrible things, but to make matters worse, they also have the added burden of carrying around physical, psychological, and emotional trauma burdens into the future. Life is hard enough without having to deal with flashbacks, nightmares, and other unpleasant symptoms.
At the risk of being too demanding, I’d like to request that you deliver these gifts to everyone and not just Christians. I know you’re mostly a Christian icon and that conflicts among different religious groups might make universal delivery rather complex, but if you could take care of everyone I would really appreciate it. Basically, I think universal delivery of these gifts would go a long ways towards fostering a sense of fairness and inclusivity.
Please tell Sandra and the elves hello. I miss you.