Tag Archives: Psychotherapy

Transforming Therapeutic Relationships into Evidence-Based Practice

img_1349This handout is an in-depth supplement to a web-based workshop I provided for the Chi Sigma Iota group at the University of the Cumberlands on January 13, 2019. Although it’s designed to go with the workshop, it’s also designed to be a standalone resource for learning more about how to integrate evidence-based relationship factors into counseling and psychotherapy practice.

The following principles, techniques, and strategies are listed in the order in which they were discussed in the workshop. More extensive information is included in the specific resources listed at the end of this handout, particularly, Clinical Interviewing (6th ed., Wiley 2017), Counseling and Psychotherapy Theories in Context and Practice (3rd ed., Wiley, 2018) and Tough Kids, Cool Counseling (2nd ed., 2007, ACA publications).

The 10 Evidence-Based Relationship Factors (EBRFs)

Beginning in the early 21st century, Norcross (2001; 2011) and others have put relational factors (e.g., Rogerian core conditions) on par with “empirically-supported techniques or procedures.” Norcross has done this by using the terminology: Evidence-Based or Empirically-Supported Relationships

What Norcross is talking about is the robust empirical support for specific and measurable relationship factors as contributors to positive counseling and psychotherapy outcomes. You can find the latest articles about empirically-supported relationships in a special issue of the journal Psychotherapy (Norcross & Lambert, 2018).

Here’s a list of the evidence-based relationship factors (EBRFs) that I covered in the workshop, followed by content and resources related to each factor.

  1. Congruence [Authenticity]
  2. Unconditional positive regard [Respect]
  3. Empathic understanding [Emotional attunement]
  4. Culture Humility and Sensitivity [Equity in worldview]
  5. Working Alliance 1: Emotional bond [Liking each other]
  6. Working Alliance 2: Goal consensus [Adler’s goal alignment]
  7. Working Alliance 3: Task collaboration [To reach client goals]
  8. Rupture and repair [Fixing relationship tension]
  9. Managing Countertransference [Self-awareness]
  10. Progress monitoring [Asking for feedback]

1. Congruence/Authenticity

There are many ways to show congruence or authenticity in counseling. Below, I’ve described some of the ways that are relatively easy to apply. Some of this content focuses on working with youth and other content focuses on working with adults, including parents.

Acknowledging Reality: Some young people, as well as older clients, may be initially suspicious and mistrustful of adults – especially sneaky, manipulative, authority figures like mental health professionals, school counselors or school psychologistsJ. To decrease distrust, it’s important to acknowledge reality about the reasons for meeting, about the fact that you don’t know each other, and to notice obvious differences between yourself and the client. Acknowledging reality is a form of transparency or congruence. Researchers consistently report that transparency, congruence, or genuineness is a predictor of positive counseling or psychotherapy outcomes (see Kolden, Klein, Wang, & Austin, 2011). Acknowledging reality includes a straightforward explanation of confidentiality and its limits.

Sharing Referral Information: To gracefully talk about referral information with students, you need to educate referral sources about how you’ll be using information they share with you. Teachers, administrators, probation officers, and parents should be coached to give you information that’s accurate and positive. If the referral information is especially negative, you should screen and interpret the information so it’s not overwhelming or off-putting to students. Simblett (1997) suggested that if therapists are planning to share referral information with clients, they should warn and prepare referral sources. If not, the referral sources may feel betrayed. Also, if you share negative referral information, it’s important to have empathy and side with the student’s feelings, while at the same time, not endorsing negative behaviors. For example, “I can see you’re really mad about your teacher telling me all this stuff about you. I don’t blame you for being mad. I’d be upset too. It’s hard to have people talking about you, even if they have good intentions.” Here’s a case example from Tough Kids, Cool Counseling (2007):

 A female counselor is meeting for the first time with a 16-year-old female client. Immediately after introducing herself and offering a summary of the limits of confidentiality, she states, “I’m sure you know I talked with your parents and your probation officer before this meeting. So, instead of keeping you in the dark about what they said about you, I’d like to just go ahead and tell you everything I’ve been told. This sheet of paper has a summary of all that (counselor holds up sheet of paper). Is it okay if I just share all this with you?”

 After receiving the client’s assent, the counselor moves her chair alongside the client, taking care to respect client boundaries while symbolically moving to a position where they can read the referral information together. She then reviews the information, which includes both positive information (the client is reportedly likeable, intelligent, and has many friends) and information about the legal and behavioral problems the adolescent has recently experienced. After sharing each bit of information, she checks in with the client by saying, “It says here that you’ve been caught shoplifting three times, is that correct?” or “Do you want to add anything to what your mom said about how you will all of a sudden get really, really angry?” When positive information is covered, the counselor says thing like, “So it looks like your teachers think you’re very intelligent and say that you’re well-liked at school . . . do you think that’s true . . . are you intelligent and well-liked?” If referral information from teachers, parents, or probation officers is especially negative, the counselor should screen and interpret the information so it is not overwhelming or off-putting to young clients. (from Sommers-Flanagan and Sommers-Flanagan, 2007, p. 32) 

 Authentic Purpose Statements: One technical manifestation of congruence or transparency is the use of an authentic purpose statement. This requires you to be clear about your own “why” of being in the room and then concisely sharing that with your student or client. Examples include: “My job is to help you be successful here” or “Your goals are my goals, as long as they’re legal and healthy.” Authentic purpose statements can also serve, in part, as an initial role induction.

 Responding to Client or Student Questions: Authenticity may be the most robust factor linked to positive treatment outcomes. How you handle client or student questions is one way to display congruence or authenticity. The following model can be helpful.

  1. Answer directly or explain why you’re not answering directly – “I think you’re asking a good question, but before I answer, I want to dive a little deeper into what’s under your question. That’s the sort of thing we do in counseling.”
  2. Use a reflection/paraphrase – “It sounds like you’re not sure I can be of any help.”
  3. Validate the underlying message/curiosity – “I don’t blame you for thinking that. Lots of people aren’t sure if counseling can work for them. I’d probably feel the same way as you.”
  4. Use psychoeducation, then answer after exploring – “Before answering, I’d like to ask you a few questions that might be important. First, if I say, ‘Yes’ I’ve done some drugs, I wonder how you would react? Second, if I say ‘No’ I haven’t done drugs, I wonder how you would react to that?”
  5. Use psychoeducation to explain not answering – Most of the time I’m happy to answer your questions. But this one feels like it’s too much about me . . . and of course the focus in counseling is supposed to be more on you than it is on me.”
  6. Use interpretation or confrontation – “It’s not unusual in counseling for clients to want to avoid talking about their personal situation and feelings. One way to avoid that is to ask me lots of questions. I’m wondering if that might be one of the reasons why you seem like you want to keep the focus on me.”
  7. Articulate a dilemma (Yalom) – “I have a dilemma. One part of me really wants to answer your question. But another part of me is worried it will move the focus of counseling away from you and onto me.”

 Self-Disclosure: Although authenticity is important, it’s quite possible to be too open or to have too much self-disclosure. To prevent excessive self-disclosure, consider the following guidelines.

 When to Self-Disclose

  • When you’re asked a direct question and it makes good sense to answer directly and briefly.
  • When a disclosure is likely to increase interpersonal connection (“I enjoy meeting with you”).
  • When disclosure is likely to facilitate transparency and therefore make it less likely for clients to “wonder” if you’re judging them (“my theoretical foundation is person-centered. That means I want to listen to you talk about your life, your experiences, and your emotions. That means I’ll probably listen more than I talk”).
  • When it’s helpful for psychoeducation purposes (mindfulness takes lots of discipline; I struggle with it too.” If you’re interested, I can share with you a couple tips that really helped me”)

 When NOT to Self-Disclose

  • When you’re talking too much about yourself and muddying the focus.
  • When you’re trying to slip in advice (e.g., “being assertive in that sort of situation worked for me”). This is especially a bad idea with minority clients because we shouldn’t assume they have our values or that what worked for us will work for them.
  • When it takes away from any of the EBRFs.
  • When it’s more about you and for you and less about the client (“I’m really proud of my children’s work ethic”).

2. Unconditional Positive Regard

Unconditional positive regard involves accepting clients and showing them immense respect. As Rogers said long ago, when clients feel accepted, then they become free to explore their insecure “nooks and crannies.”

For all of the person-centered core conditions, it’s not good to express them directly. That means you want to avoid saying “I accept you fully as you are.” There are many reasons for not expressing the core conditions directly (which we talk about in the book, Clinical Interviewing). The following counselor/psychotherapist behaviors are ways to show respect and positive regard indirectly. I’ve elaborated on a few of these.

  • Being on time
  • Non-directive listening
  • Asking clients what is important to them
  • Remembering client details
  • Asking permission
  • Second session first question
  • Using interactive summaries

 Asking Permission: Asking permission is a basic technique that clearly expresses your respect for your client. When using any technique, it’s useful to (a) ask permission to describe the technique (“Is it okay if we take a few minutes for me to describe this thing called progressive muscle relaxation?”); (b) describe the technique; and then (c) check in on your client’s reaction or thoughts about the technique. I even like to ask permission to self-disclose or give feedback (“Is it okay with you to share something I’ve noticed?”).

 Second Session First Question: The time between session #1 and session #2 can include many different experiences. It’s tempting to start the second session with a social question like, “How was your week?” My opinion is that social openings tend to defocus counseling and mostly aren’t appropriate (unless you’re modeling social skills and/or have an anxious client who is uncomfortable with a more formal opening. The second session first question is: “What did you find memorable or important to you from our meeting last week?”

 3. Empathic Understanding

 Most counselors and counseling students are well-versed in how to use empathy. One situation that can challenge your empathic responding occurs when you’re working with a client who is depressed and suicidal. The following is an adapted excerpt from an article published in the Journal of Health Service Psychology:

 Many or most suicidal patients are probably experiencing depression and/or hopelessness. If this is the case, they will be predisposed to discussing what makes them more suicidal; it may be more difficult for them to identify factors linked to feeling less suicidal. States of depression and hopelessness drive patients toward negative rumination and act as fogging agents when it comes to exploring or considering positives.

Exploring and Addressing Hopelessness

Hopelessness is a common feature linked to clinical depression and suicidality. Although hopelessness can manifest in different ways, having a general strategy for assessing and working through hopelessness can be helpful. Specifically, Beck (Wenzel, Brown, & Beck, 2009) has emphasized that treatment of suicidal patients must address hopelessness. Here are two examples of how to empathically explore and work with hopelessness.

Exploring intent, addressing hopelessness, and initiating problem-solving in the context of getting help. Once you have information about active suicide ideation or a previous attempt or attempts, you have a responsibility to acknowledge and explore suicidality. One common strength-based tool is a solution-focused question.

“You’ve tried suicide before, but you’re here with me now . . . what has helped?”

Unfortunately, if you’re working with a patient who is severely depressed, it is not unusual for your solution focused question to elicit a response like this:

“Nothing helped. Nothing ever helps.”

In response, one error clinicians often make is to venture into a yes-no questioning process about what might help or what might have helped in the past. However, if you are working with a patient who is extremely depressed and experiencing mental constriction, your patient will discount every idea you come up with and insist that nothing ever has helped and that nothing ever will help. This process can increase hopelessness and consequently a different assessment approach is required. Even the most severely depressed patients can, when given the right frame, acknowledge that every attempt to address depression and suicidality isn’t equally bad. Using a continuum where severely depressed and mentally constricted patients can rank interventions strategies (instead of a series of yes-no questions) is a better approach:

Counselor: It sounds like you’ve tried many different things to help with your depressed feelings and suicidal thoughts. Let’s look at all them. I’m guessing some of them are worse than others. For example, I know you’ve tried physical exercise, you’ve tried talking to your brother and sister and one friend, and you’ve tried different medications. Let’s list these out and see which has been worse and which has been less bad.

Client: The meds were the worst. They made me feel like I was already dead inside.

Counselor: Okay. Let’s put meds down as the worst option you’ve experienced so far. Which one was a little less worse than the meds?

You’ll notice the counselor emphasized that some efforts at dealing with depression/suicide were worse than others. Focusing on “worse” resonates with the patient’s negative emotional state. It will be easier to begin with the most worthless strategy of all and build up to strategies that are “a little less bad.” Building a unique continuum of helpfulness for your patient is the goal. Then, you can add new ideas that you suggest or that the patient suggests and put them in their appropriate place on the continuum. If this approach works well, you will have collaboratively generated several ideas (some new and some old) that are worth experimenting with in the future.

Addressing hopelessness and initiating problem-solving in the context of social disconnection. As you explore Susan’s social relationships, you ask, “Who is in your life that might provide you with support during this difficult time?” She answers, “I just don’t get on with people. No one understands. There’s no point talking to anyone.” With this disclosure, Susan has revealed interpersonal disconnection, along with hopelessness about being socially disconnected forever. At this point, it’s easy for clinicians to fall into an unproductive problem-solving pursuit in an effort to identify someone in Susan’s environment who would show her kindness and compassion (e.g., “How about your mother?”). Instead, because Susan is experiencing depressive symptoms, one way in which she might display problem-solving impairment is by denying that anyone in her world could be helpful. Consequently, the problem-solving process should begin with the counselor resonating with Susan’s hopelessness, and then move forward. Here’s an illustration:

Counselor: It feels like there’s no one to turn to. Nobody really gets what you’re going through.

Susan: That’s the way it has always been.

Counselor: This might sound weird, but I’m wondering who is the worst person for you to talk with? Who would really not get it and just make you feel worse?

Susan: That’s easy. My dad doesn’t get me. He would tell me I need a kick in the ass to get myself going.

Counselor: And that would feel really not helpful. Not helpful at all.

Susan: That’s never helpful to me.

Counselor: How about someone who’s not quite as bad as your dad? Who would be a little better than him, but still not especially good to talk with?

You can also use a visual version of this approach. To do so, you draw a circle in the middle of the page and write your patient’s name in the circle. Then, you say you want to get a visual sense of who, in the patient’s universe of social contacts, is most and least likely to be responsive and show support. In Susan’s case, you would place her father as a very distant circle in orbit around Susan. Then as you generate additional names, you would follow Susan’s guidance and place the circles closer or further away from the circle representing Susan. In the end, you will have a map of who—in Susan’s social universe—is closest (and furthest) and most (and least) supportive.

With patients who are depressed and experiencing problem-solving deficits, a good general strategy is to show empathy for the hopelessness and social disconnection, but then build a continuum from the bottom toward people who are “less bad” to talk with.

This method: (a) provides empathy; (b) addresses hopelessness; (c) addresses problem-solving deficits through the identification of alternative social support people; and (d) initiates problem-solving (by building a continuum that moves upward toward the best or “least bad” people for social connection).

4. Culture and Cultural Humility

Competent counselors and psychotherapists are able to reach across cultural divides with respect and sensitivity. In preliminary research, cultural humility has been linked with positive therapeutic outcomes.

Here’s a short excerpt on cultural humility from the Clinical Interviewing textbook:

Over the past decade researchers and writers have begun making distinctions between cultural competence and cultural humility. Cultural humility is viewed as an overarching multicultural orientation or perspective that mental health providers may or may not hold. It springs from the idea that individuals from dominant cultures—or any culture—often have a natural tendency to view their cultural perspective as right and good and sometimes as superior. This tendency implies that attaining multicultural competence isn’t enough for clinicians to be effective with culturally diverse clients. Clinicians need to be able to let go of their own cultural perspective and value the different perspective of their clients (Hook, Davis, Owen, Worthington, & Utsey, 2013).

Three interpersonal dimensions of multicultural humility have been identified:

  1. An other-orientation instead of a self-orientation
  2. Respect for others and their values/ways of being
  3. An attitude that includes a lack of superiority

 Cultural humility is closely aligned with, but not the same thing as multicultural competence. It’s generally presented as a supplement to multicultural competence. It has its own research base and appears to independently contribute to clinician effectiveness. In a recent research study, when clients viewed therapists as having higher levels of cultural humility, they also (a) endorsed higher ratings of the working alliance and (b) perceived themselves as having better outcomes (Hook et al, 2013).

 The Working Alliance

 Clinical research on the working alliance is immense. The section below is another excerpt from Clinical Interviewing.

The idea that therapist and client collaborate in ways that support positive outcomes originated with Freud (1912/1958). Later, psychoanalytic theorists introduced the terms therapeutic alliance and working alliance (Greenson, 1965; Zetzel, 1956). Greenson (1965, 1967) distinguished between the two, viewing the working alliance as the client’s ability to cooperate with the analyst on psychoanalytic tasks and the therapeutic alliance as the bond between client and analyst. Eventually, Bordin (1979; 1994) introduced a pantheoretical model that he referred to as the working alliance. Bordin’s model includes three dimensions:

  1. Goal consensus or agreement
  2. Collaborative engagement in mutual tasks
  3. Development of a relational bond

 5. Goal Consensus (Mutual Goal-Setting)

 Goal-Setting with Young Clients: I use the following procedure for setting mutual goals with young clients. This technique is used to help students or young clients begin to articulate their own goals (and not goals that have been defined FOR THEM by adults).

Working with adolescents is different from working with adults. In this excerpt from a 2013 article, we briefly focus on how the opening interaction with an adolescent client might look different than an opening interaction with an adult client (from: Sommers-Flanagan, J., & Bequette, T. (2013). The initial interview with adolescents. Journal of Contemporary Psychotherapy, 43(1), 13-22.)

When working with adults, therapists often open with a variation of, “What brings you for counseling” or “How can I be of help” (J. Sommers-Flanagan & Sommers-Flanagan, 2012). These openings are ill-fitted for psychotherapy with adolescents because they assume the presence of insight, motivation, and a desire for help—which may or may not be correct.

 Based on clinical experience, we recommend opening statements or questions that are invitations to work together. Adolescent clients may or may not reject the invitation, but because adolescent clients typically did not select their psychotherapist, offering an invitation is a reasonable opening. We recommend invitations that emphasize disclosure, collaboration, and interest and that initiates a process of exploring client goals. For example,

 I’d like to start by telling you how I like to work with teenagers. I’m interested in helping you be successful. That’s my goal, to help you be successful in here or out in the world. My goal is to help you accomplish your goals. But there’s a limit on that. My goals are your goals just as long as your goals are legal and healthy.

 The messages imbedded in that sample opening include: (a) this is what I am about; (b) I want to work with you; (c) I am interested in you and your success; (d) there are limits regarding what I will help you with. It is very possible for adolescent clients to oppose this opening in one way or another, but no matter how they respond, a message that includes disclosure, collaboration, interest, and limits is a good beginning.

 Some adolescent clients will respond to an opening like the preceding with a clear goal statement. We’ve had clients state: “I want to be happier.” Although “I want to be happier” is somewhat general, it is a good beginning for parsing out more specific goals with clients.    Other clients will be less clear or less cooperative in response to the invitation to collaborate. When asked to identify goals, some may say, “I don’t know” while others communicate “I don’t care.”

 Concession and redirection are potentially helpful with clients who say they don’t care about therapy or about goal-setting. A concession and redirection response might look like this: “That’s okay. You don’t have to care. How about we just talk for a while about whatever you like to do. I’d be interested in hearing about the things you enjoy if you’re okay telling me.” Again, after conceding that the client does not have to care, the preceding response is an invitation to talk about something less threatening. If adolescent clients are willing to talk about something less threatening, psychotherapists then have a chance to listen well, express empathy, and build the positive emotional bond that A. Freud (1946, p. 31) considered a “prerequisite” to effective therapy with young clients.

 Some adolescents may be unclear about limits to which psychotherapists influence and control others outside therapy. They may imbue therapists with greater power and authority than reality confers. Some adolescents may envision their therapist as a savior ready to provide rescue from antagonistic peers or oppressive administrators. Clarification is important:

 Before starting, I want to make sure you understand my role. In therapy you and I work together to understand some of the things that might be bugging you and come up with solutions or ideas to try. But, even though I like to think I know everything and can solve any problem, there are limits to my power. For example, let’s say you’re having a conflict with peers. I would work with you to resolve these conflicts, but I’m not the police, and I can’t get them sent to jail or shipped to military school. I can’t get anyone fired, and I can’t help you break any laws. Does that make sense? Do you have any questions for me?

 A clear explanation of the therapist’s role and an explanation about counseling process can allay uncertainties and fears about therapy. Inviting questions and allowing time for discussion helps empower adolescent clients, build rapport, and lower resistance.

 Wishes and Goals: Wishes and goals is a specific mutual goal-setting procedure that I’ve used with youth. It’s described in the Tough Kids, Cool Counseling book. You can watch a youtube video demonstration of the procedure being used as part of a session opening with a 12-year-old client named Claire. Here’s the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHHrMC8t6vY&feature=youtu.be

 6. Collaborative Therapeutic Tasks (aka task collaboration)

 In psychotherapy, tasks and techniques are also referred to as procedures. Even if counselors are employing a highly relational approach, it is still crucial to engage clients in specific tasks, activities, or procedures that are conceptually linked to solving their problems and achieving their goals. This may be a more implicit process, as when a solution-focused counselor helps clients identify and elaborate on exceptions, or more explicit, as when counselors teach clients how to make decisions using a four-step problem-solving process.

 Though engaging clients in therapeutic tasks involves applying specific techniques, it quickly becomes relational. From the evidence-based relationship perspective, which specific procedures to apply is far less important than how they are applied. They must be applied collaboratively:

  1.  The procedure—such as progressive muscle relaxation, Socratic questioning, or eye movements—must be explained clearly and linked to client goals (a psychoeducation process).
  2.  Before the procedure is employed in the session, the client gives explicit permission or informed consent (e.g., “Is it okay with you if we try out this progressive muscle relaxation technique?”). This permission-seeking interaction is sometimes referred to as an invitation for collaboration.
  3.  This part of the relational piece is crucial: after implementing the task or procedure, evidence-based counselors intermittently check in with clients (e.g., “What was your reaction to the role play we just tried?”). This requires sensitivity, empathic listening skills, and reassurance. Again, it makes no difference whether the specific task or procedure is free association (psychoanalytic theory), active listening and encouragement of the emergence of the self (as in person-centered counseling), reflecting as-if (Adlerian counseling), mindfulness meditation (cognitive-based mindfulness therapy), or another option. The point is that the relational activity of working together on a task contributes to positive outcomes (the preceding is from Sommers-Flanagan, 2015).

 7. Forming an Emotional Bond

A good example of a positive emotional bond occurs when counselors and clients experience mutual liking and mutual positive anticipation of counseling sessions. The following excerpt is from Sommers-Flanagan (2015).

The formation of a positive emotional bond begins with informed consent, continues in the waiting room and during first impressions, includes creation of a pleasant and comfortable counseling space, and involves specific counselor responses throughout each session, such as empathic reflections, positive strength-based feedback, and validating feelings. It also involves letting clients talk about their problems and the past as they wish—even when the counselor is operating from an approach that typically does not place much value on gathering historical information, such as CBT or solution-focused counseling. For example, Judith Beck (2011) emphasized that cognitive-behavior therapists should talk freely with clients about the past either when the client is stuck or when clients want to talk about the past. This is one of the ways in which relational and technical aspects of counseling merge. For all theoretical perspectives—from existential to reality therapy to CBT—counselors take special care to bond with clients, and part of that bonding involves letting them talk about what they want to talk about.

 Recommendations for Developing a Positive Working Alliance

 Again, from Clinical Interviewing.

Therapists who want to develop a positive working alliance (and that should include everyone) will employ alliance-building strategies beginning with first contact. Using Bordin’s (1979) model, alliance-building strategies focus on (a) collaborative goal setting; (b) engaging clients in mutual therapy-related tasks; and (c) development of a positive emotional bond. Progress monitoring is also recommended. The following list includes alliance-building concepts and illustrations:

Initial interviews and early sessions are especially important to alliance-building. Many clients will be naïve about psychotherapy. This makes role inductions essential. Here’s a cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) example:

For the rest of today’s session, we are going to be doing a structured clinical interview. This interview assesses a range of different psychological difficulties. It is a way to make sure that we “cover all of our bases.” We want to see if social anxiety is the best explanation for your problems and also whether you are having any other difficulties that we should be aware of. (Ledley, Marx, & Heimberg, 2010, p. 36)

Asking clients direct questions about what they want from counseling and then integrating that information into your treatment plan helps build the alliance. In CBT this includes making a problem list (J. Beck, 2011).

Clinician:     What brings you to counseling and how can I be of help?

Client:          I’ve just been super down lately. You know. Tough to get up in the morning and face the world. Just feeling pretty crappy.

Clinician:     Then we definitely want to put that on our list of goals. Can I write that down? [Client nods assent] How about for now we say, “Find ways to help you start feeling more up?”

Client:          Sounds good to me.

Engaging in collaborative goal-setting to achieve goal consensus is central to alliance-building. In CBT this involves transforming the “problem list” into a set of mutual treatment goals.

Clinician:     So far I’ve got three goals written down: (1) Find ways to help you start feeling more up, (2) Help you deal with the stress of having your sister living with you and your family, and (3) Improving your attitude about exercising. Does that sound about right?

Client:          Totally. It would be amazing to tackle those successfully.

Problem lists and goals are a good start, but clients engage with clinicians better when they know the treatment plan (TP) for moving from problems to goals. The TP includes specific tasks that will happen in therapy and may begin in the first clinical interview. Here’s an example of a “Devil’s Advocacy” technique where the clinician takes on the client’s negative thoughts and then has the client respond (Newman, 2013). You’ll notice that collaboratively engaging in mutual tasks offers spontaneous opportunities for deeper connection and clinician-client bonding:

Clinician:     You said you want a romantic relationship, but then you start thinking it’s too painful and pointless. Let’s try a technique where I take on your negative thinking and you respond with a reasonable counter argument. Would you try this with me?

Client:          Sure. I can try.

Clinician:     Excellent. Here we go: “It’s pointless to pursue a romantic relationship because they always come to a painful end.”

Client:          That’s possible, but it’s also possible to have some good times along the way toward the painful end.

Clinician:     [Smiles, breaks from role, and says] . . . That’s the best come-back ever.

Soliciting feedback from clients from the first session on to monitor the quality and direction of the working alliance contributes to the alliance. Although you can use an instrument for this, you can also ask directly:

We’ve been talking for 20 minutes and so I want to check in with you on how you’re feeling about our time together so far. How are you doing with this process?

Making sure you’re able to respond to client anger without becoming defensive or counterattacking is essential to positive working relationships. We usually apply radical acceptance (Linehan, 1993). Here’s an excerpt from an initial session with an 18-year-old male where the clinician accepted the client’s aggressive message and transformed it into a relational issue:

Clinician:     I want to welcome you to therapy with me and I hope we can work together in ways you find helpful.

Client:          You talk just like a shrink. I punched my last therapist in the nose (client glares at therapist and awaits a response) (J. Sommers-Flanagan & Bequette, 2013, p. 15).

Clinician:     Thanks for telling me that. I’d never want to have the kind of relationship with you where you felt like hitting me. And so if I ever say anything that offensive, I hope you’ll just tell me, and I’ll stop.

 8. Rupture and Repair

In many counseling situations there are inevitable strains, impasses, resistance, and intermittent weakening of the therapeutic relationship. These things happen naturally and both client and the counselor contribute to these therapeutic ruptures. As counselors, sooner or later, we all  “fail” to get it right; we might miss with our paraphrases, let out a little judgment, or recommend a therapeutic task that the client finds aversive.

There are two basic signs of therapeutic rupture. These include (a) when clients withdraw and (b) when clients behave in an aggressive or confrontational manner.

If/when you notice there may be a rupture, you have several options. These include:

  • Apologizing
  • Repeating the therapeutic rationale
  • Changing tasks or goals
  • Clarifying misunderstandings at a surface level
  • Exploring relational themes and taking responsibility for the rupture (this might include cultural misunderstandings)

Of course, repair doesn’t happen instantly, but over time, you can regain trust and deepen the relationship.

 Noticing Process and Making Corrections (Rupture and Repair): When there’s a clear pattern that begins to manifest itself in the counseling session, it’s best to acknowledge that pattern. In one session I had with a Black 19-year-old male, I offered a half-dozen paraphrases and most of them were rejected. The client said things like, “Nah” and “Not exactly.” Eventually, after several paraphrases “misses” I managed to notice the pattern and share with the client, “I noticed that I’m trying to listen to you and understand what you’re saying, but I keep getting it wrong and you keep correcting me. I’m sorry for this and I appreciate you letting me know when I don’t quite get things right. If it’s okay with you, I’ll keep trying and you can keep correcting me when I get things wrong.” In situations like this one, it’s recommended that the counselor acknowledge the process reality in the session. Because, as Yalom has so articulately noted, commenting on process can be intense, it can be better to begin process commentary by noticing your own less-than-optimal patterns.

 9. Managing Countertransference

Research suggests that our countertransference reactions can teach us about ourselves, our underlying conflicts, and our clients (Betan, Heim, Conklin, & Westen, 2005; Mohr, Gelso, & Hill, 2005). For example, based on a survey of 181 psychiatrists and clinical Counselors, Betan et al., reported “patients not only elicit idiosyncratic responses from particular clinicians (based on the clinician’s history and the interaction of the patient’s and the clinician’s dynamics) but also elicit what we might call average expectable countertransference responses, which likely resemble responses by other significant people in the patient’s life” (p. 895). Countertransference is now widely considered a natural phenomenon and useful source of information that can contribute to counseling process and outcome (Luborsky, 2006). In fact, clinicians from various theoretical orientations have historically acknowledged the reality of countertransference.

Speaking from a behavioral perspective, Goldfried and Davison (1976), the authors of Clinical Behavior Therapy, offered the following advice: “The therapist should continually observe his own behavior and emotional reactions, and question what the client may have done to bring about such reactions” (p. 58). Similarly, Beitman (1983) suggested that even technique-oriented counselors may fall prey to countertransference. He believes that “any technique may be used in the service of avoidance of countertransference awareness” (p. 83). In other words, clinicians may repetitively apply a particular therapeutic technique to their clients (e.g., progressive muscle relaxation, mental imagery, or thought stopping) without realizing they are applying the techniques to address their own needs, rather than the needs of their clients. There are many moments to reflect on how countertransference dynamics might affect the counseling process during the workshop. More recent research affirms that identifying and working through countertransference is associated with positive counseling and psychotherapy outcomes (see: Norcross, 2011).

To deal effectively with countertransference requires the following possibilities:

  • The counselor is aware of the possibility
  • The counselor seeks supervision
  • The counselor gets counseling
  • The counselor owns his/her/their countertransference reaction in the session and makes a commitment to dealing with it effectively

 10. Progress Monitoring

Progress monitoring occurs when counselors routinely and formally check in with clients regarding the clients’ progress. This “checking in” can focus on the counseling relationship/alliance or on symptom improvement. At a very basic level, counselors can check in informally, like Carl Rogers often did (e.g., “Am I getting that right?”

 More formal progress monitoring can involve use of formal scales like the session rating Scale and the Outcomes Rating Scale. You can find these instruments online.

The most important part of progress monitoring may be as simple as you, the counselor, showing interest in the client.

 A Bonus Technique

 As a method for deepening your understanding of the EBRFs, I recommend that you watch some counseling sessions with the intent to “see” the EBRFs in action. To give you an opportunity for that, I’m offering this bonus technique and an accompanying video clip.

 The Three-Step Emotional Change Trick: Emotions are complex. Young people need strategies for dealing with negative affect. The three-step emotional change trick is one method for providing emotional education. For details, and a video demonstration, see: https://johnsommersflanagan.com/2017/03/12/revisiting-the-3-step-emotional-change-trick-including-a-video-example/

John S-F Resources

The main resources from which this handout is drawn are below, starting with my own publications and then continuing to additional citations.

Sommers-Flanagan, J. (2018). Conversations about suicide: Strategies for detecting and assessing suicide risk. Journal of Health Service Psychology, 44, 33-45.

Sommers-Flanagan, J., & Shaw, S. L. (2017). Suicide risk assessment: What psychologists should know. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 48, 98-106.

Sommers-Flanagan, J. (2015). Evidence-based relationship practice: Enhancing counselor competence. Journal of Mental Health Counseling, 37, 95-108.

Sommers-Flanagan, J. (2018). Suicide assessment and intervention with suicidal clients [Video]. 7.5 hour training video for mental health professionals.  Mill Valley, CA: Psychotherapy.net.

Sommers-Flanagan, J., & Sommers-Flanagan, R. (2018). Counseling and psychotherapy theories in context and practice: Skills, strategies, and techniques (3rd ed.). Hoboken, NJ: Wiley.

Sommers-Flanagan, J., & Sommers-Flanagan, R. (2017). Clinical Interviewing (6th ed.). Hoboken, NJ: Wiley.

Sommers-Flanagan, J. (2016). Assessment strategies. In M. Englar-Carlson (Ed.). The skills of counseling [Video]. Alexandria, VA: Alexander Street Press.

Sommers-Flanagan, J. (2015). Evidence-based relationship practice: Enhancing counselor competence. Journal of Mental Health Counseling, 37, 95-108.

Sommers-Flanagan, J., & Bequette, T. (2013). The initial psychotherapy interview with adolescent clients. Journal of Contemporary Psychotherapy, 43(1), 13-22.

Sommers-Flanagan, J., Richardson, B.G., & Sommers-Flanagan, R. (2011). A multi-theoretical, developmental, and evidence-based approach for understanding and managing adolescent resistance to psychotherapy. Journal of Contemporary Psychotherapy, 41, 69-80.

Sommers-Flanagan, J., & Sommers-Flanagan, R. (2007). Tough kids, cool counseling: User-friendly approaches with challenging youth (2nd ed.). Alexandria, VA: American Counseling Association.

Sommers-Flanagan, J., & Sommers-Flanagan, R. (2018). Clinical interviewing (6th ed.). Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons.

Sommers-Flanagan, J., & Sommers-Flanagan, R. (2017). Counseling and psychotherapy theories in context and practice: Skills, strategies, and techniques (3rd ed.). Hoboken, NJ: Wiley.

Sommers-Flanagan, J., & Sommers-Flanagan, R. (2004). The challenge of counseling teens: Counselor behaviors that reduce resistance and facilitate connection. [Videotape]. North Amherst, MA: Microtraining Associates.

Selected References

Betan, E., Heim, A.K., Conklin, C. Z., & Westen, D. (2005). Countertransference phenomena and personality pathology in clinical practice: An empirical investigation. American Journal of Psychiatry, 162 (5), 890 – 898.

Castro-Blanco, D., & Karver, M. S. (2010). Elusive alliance: Treatment engagement strategies with high-risk adolescents. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.

de Shazer, S. (1985). Keys to solution in brief therapy. New York: Norton.

Feindler, E. (1986). Adolescent anger control. New York: Pergamon Press.

Kolden, G. G., Klein, M. H., Wang, C., & Austin, S. B. (2011). Congruence/genuineness. Psychotherapy relationships that work: Evidence-based responsiveness (2nd ed.) (pp. 187–202). New York, NY: Oxford University Press.

Miller, W. R., & Rollnick, S. (2013). Motivational interviewing: Preparing people for change (3rd ed.). New York: Guilford Press.

Norcross, J. C. (Ed.). (2011). Evidence-based therapy relationships. Psychotherapy relationships that work: Evidence-based responsiveness (2nd ed.). New York, NY: Oxford University Press.

Norcross, J. C., & Lambert, M. J. (2018). Psychotherapy relationships that work III. Psychotherapy, 55(4), 303-315.

Rogers, C. R. (1961). On becoming a person. Boston: Houghton Mifflin.

Shirk, S. R., Karver, M. S., & Brown, R. (2011). The alliance in child and adolescent psychotherapy. Psychotherapy, 48, 17-24.

Villalba, J. A., Jr. (2007). Culture-specific assets to consider when counseling Latina/o children and adolescents. Journal of Multicultural Counseling and Development, 35(1), 15-25.

Watkins, J. G. (1971). The affect bridge: A hypnoanalytic technique. International Journal of Clinical and Experimental Hypnosis, 19, 21-27.

Weisz, J., & Kazdin, A. E. (2010). Evidence-based psychotherapies for children and adolescents (2nd ed.). New York: Guilford.

If you have questions about this handout, or are interested in having John SF conduct a workshop or keynote for your organization, contact John at: john.sf@mso.umt.edu. You may reproduce this handout if you like, but please provide an appropriate citation. For additional free materials related to this workshop and other topics, go to John’s Blog at: johnsommersflanagan.com

 

 

Predicting the Future of Psychotherapy and Counseling

Eta Cow Pi 1979

Ever since my sisters and I experimented with our Ouija board back in the 1960s (and possibly before), I’ve been fascinated with prediction. It seems, in retrospect, I should have been able to predict that, in 1985, I would decide to do a dissertation on personality and prediction.

The results were stunning. My discovery? Human behavior is notoriously difficult to predict. Although, to be honest, because hundreds of previous researchers had already made this remarkable discovery, it’s probably more appropriate to call it a re-discovery.

Slamming into the prediction is difficult reality hasn’t stopped me from loving prediction. Not even close. But that’s predictable too. Most people ignore reality; instead we prefer to fool ourselves into believing our own idiosyncratic magical thoughts and wishes. And so even though I incessantly brag about my ability to predict the future, I secretly recognize the truth; most predictions, similar to my annual March Madness picks, are mostly wrong, most of the time.

But the end of 2018 is near. And you probably know what that means.

It means people become more predictable. That makes this particular moment in time (late December) an unparalleled opportunity to accurately predict the future. On that note, I offer you my late 2018 and early 2019 predictions:

1. Right around December 24, families from around the world will gather together with love in their hearts. Many of these families will simultaneously experience both love and dread, partly because there will be predictable conflict around current politics and past family dynamics. But hey, that’s love.

2. Toward the end of 2018 and the beginning of 2019, the media will be preoccupied with “the best of 2018” and “predictions for 2019.” Will Mueller and Trump meet at a D.C. Starbucks for an amiable chat about whether to trade a witch hunt for a presidential resignation? Will Rudy be one of the top “Baby names” for 2019? Will White Nationalists suddenly discover (or rediscover) that Jesus was a Jewish person who loved diversity? All that and much more is coming your way.

3. And this, according to leading astrologists, “Capricorn rules the governmental structures of society: politics, church, monarchy, big corporations, monetary system, and macroeconomics.” Well. That’s obvious. What’s less obvious is that the pesky presence of Uranus and Pluto means there will be continued government instability; on the other hand, Jupiter is on it’s way, which signals a potential calming of emotional turbulence, as well as new prospects for romantic love. I should note that every year the astrological forecasts are the same: Romantic love may be in your future.

4. Rita and John SF will publish a short, new article on the future of psychotherapy and counseling. Wait. That already happened. Our fancy new article about the future was just published in the Psychotherapy Bulletin. You should know that, in this article, we don’t say anything about astrology, Ouija boards, or politics. However, we do construct a future scenario of what psychotherapy and counseling will be like in the year 2068!

I know this article isn’t as exciting as predicting romantic love in your future, but if you go to the link below and scroll down to page 7, you can read about the future of psychotherapy in an article with the fancy title: “Recursive and emerging themes in psychotherapy: Past, present, and future.” Here’s the link:

Click to access 2018-Psychotherapy-Bulletin-Volume-53-Number-4.pdf

And here’s the official citation: Sommers-Flanagan, J., & Sommers-Flanagan, R. (2018). Recursive and emerging themes in psychotherapy: Past, present, and future. Psychotherapy Bulletin, 53(4), 7-12.

One more prediction: March Madness is coming . . . and this year, I’m more certain than ever, my bracket will be perfect.

A Bonus Counseling LAB Activity: Person-Centered Problem-Solving

Riverbed and John

After having learned a bit about person-centered theory and therapy and then being exposed to behavior therapy, it makes sense to consider how you can combine the two. For me, the best first step is to integrate your person-centered attitude and skills into a behavioral problem-solving process.

 Person A: As usual, your job is to pretend that you’re a client who’s coming for counseling. You have a minor, but frustrating problem. It helps if the problem is concrete and best if you have a recent experience with it so you can describe it well.

When you sit down with your counselor, take about 5 minutes to describe your problem. Explain how bad it is, how difficult it is to change this problem, and share some of the strategies you’ve tried on your own. As the counselor listens and responds, do your best to respond genuinely back to the counselor and then go with the counseling flow.

Your counselor will engage you in a problem-solving process. Be yourself and participate as you would if you were with a “real” counselor.

Person B: You will be combining your person-centered attitudes and skills with a problem-solving approach. The basic steps to problem-solving [which you should always remember] are as follows:

  1. In collaboration with the client, identify the problem. When you do this, use your listening skills to try to operationalize it in a behaviorally specific way. Remember, you can ask questions, but if/when a person-centered counselor asks questions, the questions are centered on your client’s experiences and emotions. Remember also to avoid asking two questions in a row, because you need to paraphrase before moving to another question.
  2. Brainstorm (generate) a list of possible strategies that your client could use to solve or manage the problem that you’ve collaboratively identified. Remember to: (a) ask your client permission to start making the list, (b) tell your client that you’re only “making a list” to so that both of you can see all of what might be possible, and (c) therefore neither of you can criticize the alternatives/strategies on the list. In fact, you should let your client know that you’d also like to hear some bad ideas or strategies that have been tried, but that didn’t work perfectly.
  3. After you’ve generated 5-10 alternatives, share/show the list to your client and then ask if it would be okay to discuss the pros and cons and likely outcomes linked to each strategy. The purpose here is to collaboratively engage in a reflective process. You’ll want to know about obstacles that might make using some strategies more difficult and potential positive or negative outcomes/side-effects of each strategy. Explore your client’s thoughts, emotions, and reactions to each of the options, using your best listening skills. Behaviorists call this process “means-ends” thinking or “consequential thinking.” Engaging in this process can be naturally behaviorally inhibiting (meaning that it can decrease the chances of an impulsive behavioral response).
  4. Hand the list to your client. Ask something like, “Based on our discussion and on your feelings and thoughts, would you please rank these ideas from 1 to 8, with 1 being your first choice and 8 being your last choice (assuming there were 8 options).
  5. After your client has ranked the ideas, collaboratively make an implementation and evaluation plan. Your client might choose to use 1 or 2 or 3 different strategies. That’s fine. Ask questions like, “How will you remember to try this out?” and “How will you know if your strategy is successful?” You might need to help your client understand that the goal or outcome needs to be within your client’s circle of control. You also might need to provide psychoeducation on solutions often don’t fix things quickly and that it might take weeks to see progress. Let your client know that you’ll be checking in on progress at your next meeting and that although it would be very nice if the strategy has been implemented, it’s also a success to just be thinking about implementing the plan.

Close the session by thanking your client for engaging in this process with you.

Assessment and Intervention with Suicidal Clients: A Brand New 7.5 Hour Video Training

Yellow Flowers

Suicide rates in the U.S. are at a 30 year high. Beginning in 2005, death by suicide in America began rising, and it hasn’t stopped, rising for 12 consecutive years.

Worldwide (and at the CDC) suicide rates are tracked using the number of deaths per 100,000 individuals. Although the raw numbers listed above are important (and startling), calculating deaths per 100,000 individuals provides a consistent per-capita measure that allows for systematic comparison of suicide rates across different populations, geographic regions, sexual identity, seasons of the year, and other important variables. For 2000, the CDC reported an unadjusted death by suicide rate of 10.4 persons per 100,000. For 2016, they reported 13.7 suicides per 100,000 Americans. This represents a 31.7% increase over 16 years.

As suicide rates have risen, federal, state, and local officials haven’t been idly standing by, wringing their hands, and wondering what to do. To the contrary, they’ve been actively engaged in suicide prevention. In 2001, the Surgeon General established the first National Suicide Prevention Strategy, revising it in 2012. All the while, there have been big pushes by federal and state governments, community organizations, schools, private businesses, and nonprofits to fund and promote suicide prevention programming. For the most part, the suicide specialists who run these programs are fantastic. They’re dedicated, knowledgeable, and passionate about saving lives. In addition to all the prevention programs available today, currently there are more evidence-based psychotherapies for suicidal people than ever before in the history of time.

But even in the face of these vigorous suicide prevention and intervention efforts, suicide rates continue to relentlessly rise . . . at an average rate of nearly 2% per year.

At this point it’s clear that prevention efforts may not have a direct influence on overall suicide rates. It’s tough to move the big needle that measures U.S. suicide rates. Some solutions may be more sociological and political. Of course, that doesn’t mean we should stop doing prevention. But, given the numbers, it’s important for us to try to find alternative methods for reducing and preventing suicide.

All this leads up to an announcement. Today, Psychotherapy.net published a three volume 7.5 hour video training titled, Assessment and Intervention with Suicidal Clients. This project was a collaboration between Rita, me, and Victor Yalom (along with his amazing staff at Psychotherapy.net). Although watching this video won’t automatically make suicide rates decrease, gaining awareness, knowledge, and skills on suicide assessment and intervention is one way counselors and psychotherapists can contribute to suicide prevention.

Psychotherapy.net is offering an introductory offer for the 7.5 hour video, with CEUs included. You can click here for details on the introductory offer and a sneak peek at the video.

I hope you find the video training helpful, and I look forward to hearing comments and feedback from you about how we can keep working together to help prevent suicide.

Internship Class Reflections

Evening in M 1

Due to my poor time management skills, I ran out of time for comments during my Tuesday internship class. This error provided a sudden inspiration to continue making comments to my students via email. I asked their permission and they seemed interested. It reminded me of a technique Rita used to use when running groups. Following every group, she would write her own insightful reflective comments and send them out to the group members.

Here’s what I shared with me students . . . with . . . of course . . . all identifying information removed.

***********

In class I mentioned that I wanted to email you some ideas I didn’t have time to share . . . so here we go.

Based on the small amount of recording we listened to together, it sounded like our rock star counselor-in-training (aka “Rocky”) has established an excellent “relationship” or working alliance with her client. That being the case, many things are possible.

The first thing is what I already mentioned at the very end of class. Using her relational connection as a foundation, Rocky can use any of a number of strategies to open up a discussion about her changing her approach to less listening and more engagement. This doesn’t mean I think Rocky “should” be more active, but because Rocky feels it to some degree and brought it up with us, it’s a signal to me that it might be an issue worth exploring. Here’s an example:

“I’ve been thinking about how I act during our counseling sessions. Sometimes I notice myself sitting back and listening as you tell me a story about your life. I think the stories are important, so I mostly just stay quiet and listen. But I’m also wondering if, because the stories are important parts of your life, if maybe I should be more active and engaged with you as you share your stories with me. It might be better for me to ask questions, make comments, or try to identify patterns. If it’s okay with you, I’d like to talk a bit more. Would you be okay with that? If I try it and you don’t like it, we can always switch back.”

This way of bringing up the issue places the focus on Rocky’s behavior and it models how part of counseling involves self-reflection/analysis. It also introduces the idea as an experiment that both Rocky and her client can comment on.

The second issue I wanted to discuss more is the client’s reluctance to “get into her emotions.” Of course, this is a very common reluctance. If we look at it through a motivational interviewing lens, it’s very possible for her to be ambivalent about getting emotional. Part of her can see the value and part of her is afraid or reluctant.

One possible strategy, among many, is for Rocky to affirm that it’s okay to avoid talking about emotions (at least for now), but that in the meantime, it might be helpful to explore what makes talking about emotions feel so challenging. The point is to focus on “what gets in the way” of talking about the emotions directly first, and only then, after greater understanding is obtained, possibly move forward and experience the emotions.

Using this strategy, the assumption is that there are negative expectations (cognitions) linked to directly feeling/experiencing emotion. One of the following could be possible: (a) “I’m afraid once I open the emotional box, I won’t be able to stop” (then you explore if this has happened and examples of how she has recovered after being emotional in the past); (b) “I’m worried that you’ll judge me” (then you explore the possibility of that happening; (c) “I feel weak when I get emotional” (this might inspire a discussion about whether facing emotions directly is an example of being weak or being strong, or something else).

These are just some examples of the thoughts/expectations that can interfere with emotional processing. Many other unique scenarios are possible. In my experience, if you use collaborative empiricism to explore negative expectations, sometimes the expectations can be managed . . . and sometimes clients will spontaneously start talking about the benefits of emotional expression.

My last idea is related to a component part of EMDR. When clients have an image or situation linked to a specific trauma, EMDR practitioners employ two questions that are IMHO quite powerful. Here they are, using a made up scenario:

  1. “When you imagine the scene at your mother’s funeral, what negative belief about yourself comes into your mind?”

You might have to repeat that question because it’s complicated. The assumption here is that the trauma memory is linked to a core negative belief about the self.

Then you move to the opposite question:

  1. “When you imagine the scene at your mother’s funeral, what positive belief about yourself would you rather have come into your mind?”

You don’t have to be using EMDR to find your client’s answers to these questions very useful. The first answer is the disturbing or dysregulating belief. It needs desensitizing or disputing or something. The second answer is a new belief about the self that may constitute a major therapeutic goal. It needs supporting; it needs to become a possibility.

So . . . how do you get there? Well, I’d go on, but we need to have something to talk about next week:).

Have a great evening.

John

 

News Flash: The 3rd Edition of Counseling and Psychotherapy Theories in Context and Practice is Now Available!

Theories III Photo

Hello Theories Fans.

I have exciting and good news! The third edition of Counseling and Psychotherapy Theories in Context and Practice is NOW AVAILABLE. Here’s the publisher’s link: https://www.wiley.com/en-us/Counseling+and+Psychotherapy+Theories+in+Context+and+Practice%3A+Skills%2C+Strategies%2C+and+Techniques%2C+3rd+Edition-p-9781119473312

The “less good” news (as the MI folks like to say) is that I wrote up a promotional piece for our publisher to distribute, but they thought it was TOO POSITIVE:) . . . so I’ll do what I can to temper my enthusiasm here.

What’s new in the Third edition?

Other than a massive reference overhaul, empirical updating, and re-writing and editing in response to reviewer feedback, the biggest news is that we added sections Sexuality, Neuroscience, and Spirituality.

The other good news is that our book (2nd edition) already had the highest average Amazon customer rating of all Counseling and Psychotherapy Theories texts, a whopping 4.6 out of 5.0 stars! [for comparison, 4.6 is the same rating as John Grisham’s “The Firm” and higher than Mary Pipher’s “Reviving Ophelia” . . . although, not surprisingly, Grisham’s and Pipher’s works tend to get a few more reviews]

It’s also important to note that our textbook is still relatively inexpensive (compared to other Theories textbooks).

This text also has excellent ancillaries. There is an accompanying video, test bank, online instructor’s resource manual, and a student study guide. The video clips are imperfect and spontaneous demonstrations of specific counseling skills that include counselors and clients with various cultural backgrounds.

Rita and I are humbled and happy to have the opportunity to publish the third edition of our Theories text with John Wiley & Sons. As in previous editions, our primary goal has been to translate complex theoretical material into prose that is engaging, reader friendly, easy to understand, and has a practical/skill-building emphasis. Most, but not all, of the reader reviews on Amazon are affirming and give us hope that we’ve accomplished this goal. To capture some of the positive responses, I’m sharing several Amazon reviews below:

  • The best text book I’ve ever read! Thoroughly enjoy the humor. Each chapter is written slightly different to capture the feel of the theory it describes. Laughed out loud at the final fantasy writing.
  • I love the writers of this book, it is like a conversation and sometimes humorous. Got the book right away.
  • Absolutely amazing read! Every line has important information and I actually enjoy when chapters are assigned for my theories class in this book!
  • While this was purchased for a class, I am really enjoying the information and case studies the author’s present. I do not mind reading this material and think this is one textbook I will not sell back to the bookstore, instead using it for reference throughout my new career.
  • This book was incredibly helpful to me as a counseling student. This is my first semester in the counseling program and this book was full of useful information, very easy to read and understand, and provided a vast overview of the different theories. I will definitely be keeping this book to use as a resource on future papers.

To see all 43 reviews, you have to go to the 2nd edition: https://www.amazon.com/Counseling-Psychotherapy-Theories-Practice-Resource/dp/1119084202/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1527631412&sr=8-1&keywords=John+Sommers-Flanagan

And here’s the 3rd edition on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Counseling-Psychotherapy-Theories-Context-Practice/dp/1119473314/ref=pd_cp_14_2?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1119473314&pd_rd_r=229a780b-638c-11e8-890c-a735446468c0&pd_rd_w=A4Hos&pd_rd_wg=zISf0&pf_rd_i=desktop-dp-sims&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_p=80460301815383741&pf_rd_r=SY3RS8RHYZYD8HPR7W7Y&pf_rd_s=desktop-dp-sims&pf_rd_t=40701&psc=1&refRID=SY3RS8RHYZYD8HPR7W7Y

As always, let me know if you have questions or comments on this post or on our third edition of Counseling and Psychotherapy Theories in Context and Practice.

Sincerely,

John SF

 

An Early Peek at the Suicide Assessment and Intervention Video Project

Helicopter CroppedBack in March, 2012, I settled into a Starbucks in Vancouver, Washington to reflect on my experiences at the annual American Counseling Association conference in San Francisco. Memories of Dr. Irvin Yalom’s keynote bubbled up in my mind, so that’s what ended up in my fingers, on my screen, and in my blog.

Several days later, I got an email from a “Dr. Yalom.” Seeing the name, I immediately felt anxiety and anticipation. First thoughts, “I meant to be positive. I hope I didn’t write anything offensive?”

The email was from Dr. Victor Yalom. It was nice . . . and supportive . . . and positive . . . and a big relief.

Victor is the owner/publisher/president or grand sultan of psychotherapy.net. Psychotherapy.net is a publisher of psychotherapy training and continuing education materials, mostly videos. Over the past 6 years Victor and I have struck up a collegial friendship. He is the biggest fan and proponent of our Clinical Interviewing video series (which he sells through psychotherapy.net). After viewing the Clinical Interviewing video, he has repeatedly asked Rita and I about doing a video for psychotherapy.net. Unfortunately, the timing never worked out, until this past fall, when we agreed to collaborate on a six-hour suicide assessment and intervention training video.

As they say in the film industry, everything is in the can. We’re down to final editing and other details. We filmed in Missoula and Mill Valley. Rather than working directly with imminently suicidal clients, we got volunteers to channel previous or potential suicide-related experiences. All this is just my way of introducing this sneak peek into this upcoming video.

Of course, reading isn’t the same as watching, but the next 2,000 words can give you a glimpse of one of the cases featured on the video. The client is a young Native American man and veteran. Many cultural issues emerge during the session, along with suicide ideation. Here’s the clip, along with my side “commentary” in bold:

***********************

John:            Cory, I know a little bit about you, but not very much. And so maybe the best place to start is for you to tell me some things about yourself, some things about how you’ve been feeling in your life, some things about the situations that you’ve been in, and maybe help me get a sense of how I might be of help.

Cory:            Yeah, I come from a small reservation in Eastern Montana, and I was kind of – it was a comfortable life growing up. I didn’t know anything different. And I remember sitting there with my family watching the war and kind of spurred us to want to help bring honor to our tribe. So, I signed up at 17.

John:            Yeah, what tribe?

Cory:            I’m from the Lakota Sioux tribe from the Fort Peck Indian Reservation.

John:            Okay. Great, thank you. Sorry.

Cory:            So, I left at 17, and it was kind of a big deal. We had a big honor, big gathering for me, big sendoff, and it was pretty great and feeling pretty good. Deployed when I was 18 years old over to Iraq. It was going great. I felt like I was doing something. I didn’t get to talk to my family much, maybe every three months. And I didn’t know what was going on at home. Had a fiancée when I left. Life was great. Eventually time to come home and came home. And my family’s kind of in disarray. My grandma died. I didn’t get to go to her funeral. They didn’t tell me.

John:            Yeah.

Cory:            So, kind of tore me up. My fiancée left me for one of my best friends, so that was the shock of my life.

John:            Yeah. So, at least at this point I’m hearing that you were on kind of a high and feeling good at 17, get a big sendoff from your tribe, from your family, and you go, and you go to Iraq. And you get back, and things are a mess.

Cory:            Yeah. Meth kind of hit our reservation pretty hard. And family members on meth and prison and kind of whole world changed, I guess. Eventually, I didn’t – just came back and started drinking. Not sure who I was anymore. So, that was difficult, didn’t have very many people to turn to anymore. Never had a father growing up. My mom was always raising us with a couple jobs. And eventually her and her boyfriend got into drugs, so that’s kind of pretty difficult. And I didn’t know what to do anymore. And I was kind of feeling down and just kept drinking, and I kind of don’t know what to do anymore. For us it’s a honor to serve and kind of makes us who we are.

John:            Yeah.

Cory:            We view it as becoming a warrior man.

John:            Yeah.

Cory:            And I felt like I did that, and I’d bring honor back to my culture, my tribe. Yeah, just I came home. Everything’s in disarray, and I thought I was pretty stable. Eventually – and one thing, on the reservation we don’t – or culturally we don’t talk about our feelings or emotions. So, every time we do, feel pretty shame. A lot of shame comes from it. So, it’s kind of you just deal with it.

John:            Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so a couple of cultural pieces. One is that sense of honor of serving, and you hooked onto that and were living that. And then another cultural thing is, it’s a little shameful to express emotions, sadness, that kind of emotion or others.

Cory:            Yeah, I mean, I guess I could just describe it as shame. Like I feel guilty talking about it because we’re supposed to be men.

John:            You’re warriors. You’re strong.

Cory:            Yeah.

John:            And so you keep it all –

Cory:            Yeah, it’s part of who we are, death, fighting, honor, celebrating together, just part of who we are.

John:            Yeah, yeah. And then as you get back, and you’re in this disarray, and the meth on your reservation is prevalent, and you start drinking, and it sounds like that could be connected with the emotional warrior. Is that one of the ways that you might cope?

Cory:            I guess I just – kind of just helped me feel nothing.

COMMENTARY: Cory has covered lots of ground quickly. He has articulated his collectivist identity. Knowing about his collectivist identity early in the session is a very good thing. He has also mentioned multiple stressors and losses; these stressors and losses are traditional risk factors and load onto the various risk dimensions. These include: coming back from war, being a veteran, loss and betrayal by his girlfriend, his grandmother’s death, the disarray of his tribal community from meth, and other issues. In addition, one immediate challenge that’s coming into my mind is how to address alcohol, because it’s a suicide desensitizer, but it’s also helping him “feel nothing” which is consistent with his cultural value of not expressing his feelings. At this point I’m choosing to build a relationship with Cory before jumping in and discussing alcohol directly.

John:            Okay.

Cory:            Just kind of, I guess, how I dealt with it because I couldn’t talk about stuff that happened over there, and I didn’t have no male role models in my life to kind of talk about culturally with or anything.

John:            Yeah. So, I’m aware of the fact that you’ve told me, and I really appreciate it, some cultural things about you, about being a Lakota Sioux, about the reservation that you grew up on and some of the things you experienced, about the honor, about the shame, about the warrior mentality. And I’m going to do my best to track all those things. Occasionally if you think I’m just not getting it from your cultural perspective, I would love it if you would tell me, but I don’t want to put all that responsibility on you. So, I will probably every once in a while just check in to see, am I getting this right? Is that okay with you if we –

Cory:            Yeah, that’s fine.

John:            Yeah, because I just don’t want to misunderstand things because of my lack of the same cultural experience as yours. And so as I’m imagining it, you’re back. You’re drinking. It’s part of being numb.

Cory:            Uh-huh.

John:            And getting rid of those emotions. And as you talk, one question that comes to mind to me, and my guess is that this would be a dishonorable thought to have, although not an abnormal thought because it’s not unusual when people come back and life is disappointing and hard, and you’re drinking, and you’re managing those emotions, it’s just not unusual to have a thought about suicide or about killing yourself. And my guess is that would be in opposition to your culture, too, but I don’t know.

Cory:            Yes and no. One way we look at is from we’ve had everything taken from us. That’s one thing you can’t take from us. Our life is ours to give to the Creator, to Wakan Tanka which is our God. So, when it’s our time, it’s kind of our choice.

John:            Okay.

Cory:            The sad thing about it is, I’m feeling down, and a lot of times like as I grew up I had – I was probably nine years old. My first friend committed suicide. And it brings the community together. We have big honoring, big feast for his family, for him, and just days of celebrating. It’s kind of like bring the family back together. I had another friend do it after that because he was – couldn’t graduate high school and didn’t have nobody there, and he wanted his family to come back together, so he committed suicide, just felt like it’s going to bring his family back together. And it did for a bit, but meth came in again, so it kind of tore it apart.

John:            Uh-huh.

John:            So, I’m hearing two suicides of people that you knew well around the time that you graduated high school?

Cory:            Oh, one was when I was 9, and a good friend was 16. And by the time I was 18, I probably lost maybe 7 friends from drinking and driving, drugs, stabbings. So, I guess to us, I mean, death is death, so it wasn’t really a big deal, kind of a celebration and we’ll see them again.

John:            Yeah. So, for each one the family celebrates, the community celebrates –

Cory:            Uh-huh.

John:            – the life. And sometimes it almost sounds like somebody might choose suicide as an effort, it sounds like, to pull the family together to get everybody closer.

Cory:            Yeah, I guess, too, they know people will care. Pretty big sense of hopelessness there. Not many people know where to turn.

John:            Yeah. Yeah, so that’s a lot of death that you saw even by the time you graduated high school. Have you had some thoughts of suicide yourself?

Cory:            Originally when I first came back, I did. I just didn’t know what to do anymore. Then I came to college, thought I was going to – wanted to do something honorable again. Again, big celebration and sent us off to college. And I get here, and things are going well at first. Then just the culture differences, like nobody understood me, didn’t know what to do. I was doing all right in classes, but I just kind of couldn’t fit in, didn’t feel like anybody understood me. I mean, they’re all pretty nice guys and gals. I could tell they were trying to, but just something I knew they didn’t.

And then now things are getting bad again. I’m trying to sleep at night. Yeah, just every time I go to sleep, I remember one time in Iraq we were sitting there, and they decided – well, I guess Al-Qaeda, they blew a whole street, whole city block, and it just – I mean, every building came down. And we were there trying to help, and you had kids with missing arms and missing eyes and moms with no legs and crying, screaming. We were trying help as best we can, and same time people shooting at us and just didn’t know what to do.

My friend’s crying. Like why the fuck are we here? Like what are we doing here? Like this isn’t what we – not what we’re here for. Yeah, I just remember a mom with no leg carrying her helpless child just in her arms, and the child was dead. I mean, just every time I go to sleep, I just remember that kid helpless laying there. And so I’m not sleeping much, a lot of drinking still. I guess I don’t know what to do anymore.

COMMENTARY: It’s not unusual for suicidal clients to present with a vast array of psychological pain. That can be overwhelming to the client and to the therapist. Cory has shared several layers of unresolved grief, traumatic war memories. The number of people whom he has known who have died by suicide is immense. Additionally, because of his cultural norms of stoicism, I’m wanting to address these parts of his experience, while not activating intense emotions. my strategy has been and will be to use reflection of content, to avoid reflecting back strong emotions like sadness or anger, to keep his collectivist perspective in mind, and to take notes in a way so that he and I can take a more intellectual and problem-solving approach to working with him on his experiences.

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If you made it this far, a big congratulations. Acquiring skills to work effectively with clients who are suicidal is challenging, but dealing with the emotions that come up is probably even more difficult. The purpose of this training video (when it becomes available) is to help practitioners obtain knowledge, learn skills, and refine their awareness of the inner and interpersonal dynamics associated with suicide assessment and intervention. When I have more information on the video’s availability, I’ll let you know.

Building Therapeutic Relationships: The Essence of Evidence-Based Counseling

Hey. I’m sitting in an ACA session right now and inappropriately typing on my computer. There’s so much I could type right now . . . but self-censoring is nearly always a good thing.

Attached you’ll find the ppts for my presentation today. I hope you’re all well, and self-censoring in ways that are adaptive and prosocial. I’d write more, but self-control is advisable.

Evidence Based #174 ACA 18

 

What’s Happening at the 2018 American Counseling Association Conference in Atlanta?

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The American Counseling Association annual world conference is coming to Atlanta next week (4/25-29) . . . and so am I.

This year, the ACA conference includes inspiring keynotes, 500+ unique sessions and up to 33.5 hours of CEs. I’m honored to be a part of this exciting learning and networking event. Here’s a link to general conference information: https://www.counseling.org/conference/atlanta-2018

As a part of the 500+ sessions, I’m involved in several events and would love to see you there. Here’s where you can catch me.

On Wednesday, April 25, I’m doing a full-day (6 hour) workshop titled, Tough Teens, Cool Counseling. There are plenty of seats left and you can get registration and other information at the ACA conference website: https://www.counseling.org/conference/atlanta-2018/sessions-events/pre-conference-learning-institutes

On Friday, April 27, from 2 to 3:30pm in Room A313, Kindle Lewis, Kim Parrow, and I will present: Building Therapeutic Relationships: The Heart of Evidence-Based Counseling

On Saturday, April 28, from 10:30 to Noon in Room A410, Sara Polanchek, Maegan Rides At The Door, Salena Beaumont Hill, and I will present: Using (Magic) Words to Influence Challenging Parents . . . With Cultural Commentary

Also on Saturday, April 28, from 1pm to 2pm, John Wiley and Sons is having an event in the Exhibit Hall to launch the publication of 3rd edition of Counseling and Psychotherapy Theories in Context and Practice. There will be coffee and cookies. Although I was tempted to select excerpts of this exciting new textbook and offer dramatic readings, instead, Rita and I will just be low key at the Wiley booth, meeting and greeting people, and answering any questions that might come up about the book or about life. Please come have a cookie with us so that we’re not standing there awkward and alone.

Last, but far more than least, on Saturday night I have the honor of receiving the Don Dinkmeyer Social Interest Award. The ACA National Awards event is from 6-7pm at the Omni Hotel at CNN Center, in the International Ballroom E & F.

Whether you attend ACA or not, I hope you’ll join the 55,000 members (and me) in working to facilitate greater mental and emotional health around the world.

Can Male Therapists Do Feminist Therapy with Male Clients? You Decide — A Feminist Case Example

Fishing Big Davis

The 3rd edition of Counseling and Psychotherapy Theories in Context and Practice will be available very soon. Just in case you’re longing to see the cover as much as I am, there’s a link to the new edition on Amazon. Although I’m betting your longing is much smaller than my longing, here’s the link anyway: https://www.amazon.com/Counseling-Psychotherapy-Theories-Context-Practice/dp/1119279127/ref=dp_ob_title_bk

To celebrate this forthcoming epic publication (it’s not really epic, but some days it felt like a long poem), I’m posting a case presentation from the feminist chapter. Honestly, I don’t know who gets to decide what’s epic or what’s feminist therapy. That being the case, you can decide on both points. Or you can decide you’ve had enough of JSF for today.

Here we go.

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In an interesting twist, we’re featuring a case with a male therapist and male client in the feminist chapter to illustrate how working within a feminist model can work for boys and men. This case focuses on a 16-year-old male’s struggle with emotional expression. John SF is the therapist.

Josh was a White, 16-year-old heterosexual sophomore in high school. He had never met his biological father and lived in a middle-class neighborhood with his mother and three younger sisters. His mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Josh’s main loves were consistent with his gender identity. They included basketball, cars, girls, and sarcasm. He very much disliked school.

Josh and I met for therapy for several years. At the beginning of one of our sessions Josh handed me a packet of photos.

“Hey, what’s this about?” I asked.

He responded with a half-mumble about a recent awards ceremony. I thought I discerned pride in that mumble. I looked through the pictures while he told me about each one. There was one in particular that he gently lifted from my hands. It was a picture of him in a line-up with five other people. He carefully pointed out that he was standing next to the Lieutenant Governor of Oregon. I teased him because there were no pictures of him and the actual governor.

“What’s the deal?” I asked. “Wouldn’t the Guv pose with you?” Josh rolled his eyes and signaled for me to move on to the next photo.

The Problem List and Problem Formulation

Unlike CBT, feminist therapy doesn’t involve collaboratively generating a concrete problem list and formulating problems as if the problems resided in the client. Instead, because problems and problem-formulation are inseparable, we can’t talk about the problems without also talking about cultural factors creating and contributing to the problems.

If client issues are discussed as problems, they’re likely discussed as situational challenges. In Josh’s case, his mother initially had brought him to therapy for anger management. Anger was consistently a regular focus in Josh’s therapy. Like many 16-year-old boys immersed in the dominant U.S. culture, Josh’s emotional life was highly constricted. He was living by Pollack’s boy code (2000) and unable or unwilling to risk feeling anything other than anger and irritation. From the feminist worldview, this wasn’t Josh’s problem; his issues around anger stemmed from him living in a culture that kept him in an emotional straitjacket.

Josh’s issues (and case formulation from a feminist perspective) looked like this:

  1. Learning to deal more effectively with sadness, grief, and anger within the context of a repressive emotional environment.
  2. Coming to an understanding that his beliefs and views of emotional expression were not in his best interest, but instead, foisted upon him by toxic cultural attitudes about how boys and men should experience and express emotion.
  3. Developing trust and confidence in himself—despite not having a father figure or a mother who could provide him and his sisters with a consistently safe and stable home environment.
  4. Learning to talk about what he really feels inside and pursue his life passions whatever they might be instead of reflexively pursuing culturally “manly” activities.
  5. Expanding Josh’s limited emotional vocabulary through consciousness-raising.

Interventions

Feminist therapists are technically eclectic; they use a wide range of interventions imbedded in an egalitarian and mutually empathic relationship:

  1. Encouraging Josh to speak freely and openly about his life experiences.
  2. Empathic listening with intermittent focusing on more tender emotions, depending on how much of this Josh was willing or able to tolerate.
  3. Therapist self-disclosure and modeling.

As Josh and I looked at photos together, I responded with interest and enthusiasm. Because interpersonal connection is a core part of therapy, I didn’t rush him to move on to our therapy agenda. Instead, I shifted back and forth between saying, “Cool” or “What’s going on there?” to making sarcastic wisecracks like “Why exactly did the government let you into the capital building?” Sarcasm was used to express interest and affection indirectly, mirroring Josh’s humor and style. After seeing most of the photos I asked, “Who’s the person standing next to you?” I could tell from his response that I had asked a good question.

“Oh, yeah, her. Her name is Sharice; her mentor was getting the same award as my mentor. I danced with her. She’s a good dancer.”

We talked about dancing and what it was like for him to feel attracted to her. We were ten minutes into therapy and both of us had completely ignored the fact that we hadn’t been able to see each other for five weeks. Finally, I decided to break the avoidance pattern. I asked “So…how are you doing with all that’s been going on?”

He looked toward me, glancing downward.

“I’m doing okay, I guess.”

Because this was a young man who had been socialized to keep his emotions tightly wrapped, I probed, but gently.

“I understand it’s been pretty wild times?”

He looked up, eyes fixed on some invisible spot on the ceiling. I recognized this strategy—a surefire way avoid crying in public. An upward gaze constricts the tear ducts; tears cannot flow.

He looked back down and said, “I’ve been busy. My mom’s been in the hospital for about a month.”

“I heard she had a pretty hard time.”

He grunted and then, in a quiet growly voice, the words, “Let-me-tell-you-about-it” seeped out from behind his teeth. Silence followed. I cautiously probed a bit more by sharing more of what I knew.

“I talked with your mom yesterday. She told me that she got pretty caught up in some housing project.” This statement lit a fire in Josh and he plunged into the story.

“You won’t believe what she did. It was so f*ing stupid. Some punk developer is gonna build three houses. Three houses at the end of our street. This is no big deal. She just f*ing freaked out. She chained herself up to a tractor to stop them from building a house. Then she called the f*ing senator and road department and I don’t know who in hell else she called. She was totally nuts. So I told her she had a choice. I told her that she could go back home or I’d call the police and have her committed. She wasn’t taking care of my sisters. She was being a shit for a mom. So I just gave her a choice.”

I nodded and said, “You must be practicing to be a parent. That’s the kind of choice parents give their kids.”

His voice grew louder: “I gave her the choice five times. Five f*ing times! She tried to buy a Mercedes and a Volvo over the phone. So I called the cops. And the woman asked ME what to do. I’m f***ing 16 years old and they f *ing ask me what to do. I didn’t know what to say. I told ‘em to come get her. They finally sent some really big cops over to take her away.”

“Then what happened?”

“My mom was still acting nuts and my sisters were crying. So I just picked them up and held them and they took her away. We sat and they cried and we snuggled a while. And then I drove us home. I don’t have my license, but I can drive. My mom is still pissed at me about that, but I don’t give a shit!”

While listening to Josh, I formed an image of him in my mind. I saw an awkward 16-year-old boy “snuggling” his sobbing sisters, as the cops take their mother away. The girls were 9 and 6 and 4 years old—the same sisters he had complained about in previous therapy sessions.

Talking with teenage boys about emotional issues is tricky. Too much empathy and they retreat. No empathy and you’re teaching the wrong lesson. Throughout Josh’s storytelling, I used sarcasm, empathy, and emotional exploration, like, “What was that like for you to gather up your sisters and take care of them?” I suspected that if I asked too much about feelings or forced him to go too deep too fast, I would lose my “coolness rating” and there would be a relationship rupture.

Much of the session focused on empathy for Josh’s anger. Josh ranted and I listened. He was immensely angry and disappointed and hurt about his mother’s behavior. But I wanted to find a way to let Josh know that it’s okay, even a positive thing, for boys and men to feel and express more tender feelings.

About halfway through our session, I asked:

“So Josh,” I said, “When was the last time you cried?”

After a short pause he spoke with extreme deliberation, “I… don’t… cry… I… just… get… pissed.”

Josh expressed this masculine emotional principle very efficiently and then offered more about his socially coerced, but internalized emotional philosophy.

“Crying doesn’t do any good. It doesn’t change anything. It’s just stupid.”

“I know, I know” I said. “The whole idea of crying sounds pretty stupid to you. It’s not like crying will change your mom and make her better.”

“Nothing will ever change her.”

I renewed my pursuit of when he last cried. He insisted that was so long ago that he couldn’t recall, but we both knew that several years ago, after an especially hard week with his mother, he had sat on my couch and sobbed himself to sleep. Instead of bringing that up, I asked him what might make him cry now. Would he cry if his girlfriend broke up with him… if he lost his cell phone… if one of his sisters got cancer… if he didn’t graduate high school? Josh fended off my questions about tears by repeating his resolve to get “pissed” about everything that might make him feel sad. But the question about one of his sister’s getting cancer stumped him. He admitted, “Yeah, I might cry about that…” while quickly adding, “…but I’d do it alone!”

I responded, “Right. Absolutely. Some things might be worth crying about… even though it wouldn’t change things… but you’d want to do the crying alone.”

We talked indirectly and intellectually about sadness and tears, trying to model that we can talk about it—once removed—and if he cried someday, it would be perfectly okay, there would be no need to feel ashamed.

Toward the end of the session, I decided to lighten things up by teasing Josh about his social insensitivity. I said, “I can’t believe that we’ve talked this whole hour and you never asked a single thing about me.”

Josh grinned. He knew therapy was all about him and not about me. He probably thought I was playing some sort of therapy game with him. He was a good sport and played along.

“Okay. So what am I supposed to ask?”

I acted offended, saying, “After all those questions I asked you, at least you should ask me when I last cried.”

“God you don’t know when to drop things. Okay. So when did you cry?”

I said, “I think it was yesterday.”

Our eyes met. He looked surprised. I continued, “Yeah. I feel sad sometimes. It can be about really hard stories I hear in here or it can be about my own life. Even though it doesn’t change anything, it can feel better to let my sadness out.”

It was time for the session to end. We both stood and I said, “We have to stop for today, but we can talk more about this or whatever you want to talk about next time.”