Tag Archives: magic

The Birth of My New Secret Magic Unprofessional Blog

John Rap

People sometimes say, “Rules are made to be broken.”

I always say, “That’s just ridiculous. Rules were made to be followed.”

But every yang has a yin and it’s come time for me to let a little of my rule-breaking yin out.

As you know, I have this (Dr. John Sommers-Flanagan) professional blog. It’s serious, with a side of irreverence. But despite my irrepressible irreverence, being narrowly professional left me feeling like an academic in a tweed jacket. As an example, I felt compelled to avoid politics and profanity. I began realizing that this professional blog was too much yang.

So I invented a yin-flavored unprofessional blog. In my unprofessional blog I speak more freely about politics and personal experiences. It’s also a secret blog, and I use a mysterious yin alias, so that helps.

In this professional blog (the one you’re reading now), I avoid particular words, especially words like “secret” or “magic.” I avoid these words because magic is fake, and my professional self thinks that whenever writers use “secret,” it means they’re marketing something. It’s like unveiling the “secret rules to happiness.” The rules aren’t really secret and they won’t bring you happiness, but the words work to sell books and get likes on Facebook and Twitter. I also avoid words that don’t fit with my scientific, academic persona. That means I don’t use words like countless or tireless, because they’re just stupid words; nothing is countless and no one is tireless.

The inaugural post of my new Secret Magic Unprofessional Blog is about gun safety. It’s unprofessional, so don’t click on this link unless you want to read my thoughts on the social and political issue of gun violence and gun safety. Here’s the link:https://mysecretmagic.com/

Okay, I know, gun safety isn’t even controversial and my Pathetic Open Letter to the NRA is political like oatmeal is political. That’s because gun safety is all about professional issues related to suicide, mental health, and child safety. Okay, so I use the F-word and called a certain politician a dip-shit, but that’s just me tossing in some unprofessional language to make a point about what’s right and good and I know you know that making a point about what’s right and good isn’t really much political.

If you enjoy my Secret Magic Unprofessional Blog, please LIKE it and FOLLOW it and share it NOW and OFTEN: https://mysecretmagic.com/. As is the case with most bloggers, my purpose isn’t to become rich and famous. Instead, I’m all about exercising my freedom of expression, while irrationally hoping that someone on the planet might hear my voice and experience learning or pleasure or meaning or inspiration or solidarity. Now that would be magic.



Reflections on Magic

I have a former graduate student (you know who you are) who always talks about using magic. If she wants something to work out a certain way, she simply “casts a spell” to make things right. Of course, like most of us, she expertly avoids paying attention to evidence refuting her magical abilities, while studiously attending to moments when it appears her spells have somehow affected reality.

This was all in good fun. We were driving many miles back and forth to an internship site at Trapper Creek and in some ways her spells were designed to counter my tendency to construct a firm deterministic viewpoint. Although I agree there are many mysteries in life and that there’s likely room for magic, I get quickly impatient with too many attributions about magic, miracles, past lives, and sinister ghosts in the halls of the female dorm at Trapper Creek Job Corps.

Despite my general avoidance of magical thinking, I find myself very intrigued with this old quotation of Freud’s that Steven de Shazer turned into a book title:

“Words were originally magic and to this day words have retained much of their ancient magical power. By words one person can make another blissfully happy or drive him [or her] to despair . . . . Words provoke affects and are in general the means of mutual influence among men [or women].”

I do think words have powerful influence . . . but it’s equally true that what we don’t say—the nonverbal, and listening in particular—can be just as magical. All this is a way of introducing the following excerpt soon be published in the 2nd edition of our Counseling and Psychotherapy Theories in Context and Practice textbook as food for thought this Monday morning. Here it is:

The Magic of Person-Centered Listening

Person-centered listening isn’t in vogue in the United States. It might be that most of us are too busy tweeting and expressing ourselves to dedicate time and space to person-centered listening. The unpopularity of person-centered approaches also might be related to the prominent “quick fix” attitude toward mental health problems. And so, call us old-fashioned, but we think that if you haven’t learned to do person-centered listening, you’re missing something big.

Years ago, when John was deep into the “Carl Rogers” stage of his development, he decided to create a person-centered video recording to demonstrate the approach. He recruited a volunteer from an introductory psychology course, obtained informed consent, set up a time and a place, welcomed a young woman into the room, and started listening.

Lucky for John, the woman was a talker. It’s much harder to get the magic to happen with nonverbal introductory psychology students.

It wasn’t long into the session when John attempted a short summary of what the woman had said. He felt self-conscious and inarticulate, but was genuinely trying to do the person-centered listening thing: He was paraphrasing, reflecting feelings, summarizing, walking within, and doing all he could to be present in the room and make contact or connect with the “client.” After his rambling summary, there was an awkward silence. John remained silent, trusting that the client knew where to go next. And she did. She cut through the awkwardness with a disclosure of having been sexually molested as a child. John continued listening non-directively as the woman told her story, shed a few tears, and spoke powerfully about her journey toward building inner strength.

The demonstration recording was a huge success . . . except for the fact that the audio was terrible. To hear the powerful disclosure and share in the magic of person-centered process, John had to force his class of 15 graduate students to gather within three feet of the television in perfect silence . . . which was also rather awkward.

The lesson of person-centered listening is that sometimes when you put it all together the client can take you places you never knew existed. There are many things about our clients that we’ll never know unless and until we listen empathically, communicate genuinely, and experience respect for the other person with our heart and soul. As Rogers (1961) said, “. . . the client knows what hurts. . .” and so it’s up to us—as therapists—to provide an environment where clients can articulate their pain and re-activate their actualizing tendency.