Happiness, Love, Personal Reflections, Writing

On This Gratitude Eve

26 Comments

Tomorrow is a celebrated holiday involving gratitude. Given the American history of mistreatment, oppression, and abuse of indigenous peoples, I have trouble saying the holiday name. You may think I’m being over-sensitive or politically correct, or you may find yourself seeking some other label to describe me. No worries, I’m here to help. My current labels (which switch with considerable frequency) are grumpy and discouraged.

I know better than to dwell too long on my grumpy and discouraged thoughts, feelings, and somatic complaints. Those of you who know me well know that it makes me grumpy to even use the word somatic, and so the discouragement is deep. While I’m drilling down into my negativity, I’ll add that it also makes me grumpy to hear the words “fight-or-flight” and “brain shut-down” and “amygdala hijack” and “PHQ-9 or GAD-7” and “mental illness” and the mispronunciation of “Likert” and everything else our culture is using to push us into negative mental and emotional states—and keep us there.

I also know that some of the preceding linguistic pet peeves may seem cryptic. That’s okay. I like being mysterious. I’ll just say that I would prefer “amygdala hijinks” over “hijack,” and leave the mystery unsolved.

Not surprisingly, the bigger laments are what give the smaller laments most of their negative power. My bigger laments are probably obvious, but here are a few: How did we develop into a culture where the voices and opinions of people like Andrew Tate and Joe Rogan shape the psychology, emotions, and behavior of so many young men? How did we become a nation that could elect a convicted felon, rapist, racist, sexist, reality television star as the next president? When did Christianity take a turn and become a narcissistic, nationalist, anti-immigrant movement? How did our mainstream media become an entity that gives voice to social media posts from the president elect? And, because the president elect is a well-known serial and pathological liar, how did the media decide they should center their reporting around his likely dissembling bloviations as potentially truthful statements?

I do have to admit that it makes me a little bit happy to use the word bloviations. That was fun.

Now that I have you (my six faithful readers) grumpy and discouraged along with me, maybe I should pause to take stock of the many things and people toward whom I feel gratitude. If, by chance, you’ve also been feeling your share of doom and gloom, I hope you’ll consider joining me in a gratitude activity.

First in line is Rita. Only minutes ago, while planning a few Turkey Day dishes, I offered up one simple suggestion that may have required only one or two brain cells and could easily have been brought forth during a so-called fight-or-flight brain shut-down. Her response of, “That’s a REALLY good idea!” made me laugh out loud (even amidst my gloomy mood). This small interaction reminded me of the many ways that I am lucky to be supported and inspired by Rita every day.

Our children (and son-in-law) are basically overachieving geniuses who work every day to make the world a better place. I won’t go into details here, but this is more good fortune on a rather magnificent scale.

This past weekend I hung out with my sisters, attending a Bat Mitzvah with my Jewish cousins who welcomed us into their celebration with open arms and hearts. We mercilessly teased each other, laughed together, played games, and did what family does. My sisters and I often marvel at our mutual family experiences . . . as given to us by our amazing parents. More big gratitude.

First thing this morning, I got to lightly supervise a few interns who are facilitating a group for dads, prepping to present to classrooms of 8th graders, and being coached by Dylan Wright, who just might be the most dynamic presentation coach of all time. These young people are smart, capable, and committed to being therapeutic forces in the world. . . and I get to work with them.

Tomorrow Rita and I will have dinner with a long-time friend who, having already made substantial contributions to the mental health of a multitude of Montanans, invited us over to help her eat up a frozen turkey that she surprisingly found in her freezer. We have gratitude to her for the past, present, and future.

Just in case you’re wondering, the empirical research on gratitude is pretty fantastic. Focused and intentional gratitude will not immediately transform your life, but in general, gratitude practice is linked to improved mood, increased positive communications with others, hope, and improvements in physical exercise. That last one is as cryptic as my linguistic pet peeves. How could gratitude make you exercise more? Nobody knows. All I can say is this: How about you practice gratitude tonight, tomorrow, and into the future and then see if it helps you exercise more? As B.F. Skinner might say, we should all experiment with our experiences.

Given all the world-wide and local reasons to be grumpy and discouraged, my plan is to counter those feelings by spending more time being grateful. I know it won’t fix the world . . . but I know it will create nicer feelings . . . and that, I suppose, is plenty good for now.

26 thoughts on “On This Gratitude Eve”

  1. Hi John,

    I am hoping I may be lucky number seven of your readers…and while I don’t necessarily subscribe to the belief that “luck” or being “lucky” has anything to do with most things, I do believe in things that are fortuitous and like to think somehow fortuitousness and gratefulness are good friends.

    I appreciated your article as it made me pause. I have been reflecting on a number of the items you mention with a “how on earth did we get here” set of musings. It gives me a small measure of comfort to know that there are other like-minded beings out there on this gratitude eve.

    This brings me back to the whole concept of fortuitousness and that I find it fortuitous we briefly crossed paths and I am grateful for it.

    Thank you for sharing your grumpy gratitude with others. It makes a difference.

    Cheers to you and your family.

    Reply

    1. Thanks Teressa! We watched a movie in Red Lodge a couple months ago. It was about the flood. Your name was on the sign outside of a church. You must have been preaching around that time. Have as great of a holiday as possible. JSF

      Reply

      1. I’m currently the part time Transitional Pastor at Red Lodge Community Church (UCC) so I’m sure I was preaching that weekend. If my name’s on the sign, I’m there on Sunday. If someone else’s name is on the sign, I’m somewhere else (always gone on the 3rd Sunday of the month). If no name is listed, it’s probably me in the pulpit.

        I intend to enjoy the day! Hope you and Rita do, too.

  4. Definitely grateful for you this Thanksgiving. If we stop being the light in the darkness, it will be dark indeed./

    Reply

  6. I learned recently that some of the best story’s are the ones that oscillate between being ascending (hopeful) and descending (despair). This one is right on target! I felt annoyance and frustration followed by hope and joy! Plus I learned a new awesome word… bloviation. Thank you for this wonderful though provoking post John.

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  7. Or maybe it might just fix the world because honestly, if we all start to be grateful for what we have and to appreciate the beauty and humanity of those around us, the ripples will spread and who knows where that might lead? I hope there is plenty for you to give thanks for today Dr John.

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  8. Grateful for you, your musings, your reflections, and generous spirit. I’m even grateful for your grumpiness since it seems to spur you on to create blog posts that I benefit from. I thank you.

    Kate, Reader number 7

    Reply

    1. Thanks very much Kate. I’m glad my grumpiness can have a positive outcome. Often, it helps me very much to write through what I’m experiencing. At first I thought “Reader number 7” meant I should be awarding you a prize. But NOW I get it. Haha. Thanks! JSF

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  10. I’m also grumpy and discouraged, but less so having read your post. Thank YOU, as always (see what I did there -I took the info you shared to heart and am practicing gratitude 😂).

    Reply

  11. Not sure if this will reach out! But late on the read, but once again am so enthralled and inspired by your wisdom and empathy -and humor. Could read your posts for days……fills me up!

    THANK YOU! For such insight and love that you share with others.

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  12. Amen! I HAVE BEEN READING THE BOOK BY THE LIFE IS GOOD PEOPLE AND ENJOYING IT BECAUSE IT ALSO ADDRESS GRADITUDE. Thanks for your posts.

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