Often, I have the honor of getting a personal preview of Rita S-F’s Godblogs. I sit in a cushy chair, shut my eyes, and let her words create images in my brain. It’s not unusual for her readings to stimulate unusual thoughts. But, last week, while listening, I was taken with a particular epiphany.
She was reading about how easy (and destructive) it is to be judgmental; I can’t recall the details. In response, a voice in my head spoke gently,
“I wonder if it might help if you could try, just a little, to be even more judgmental. . .” followed by an additional internal commentary “. . . said no one ever.”
The thought—of trying to be even more judgmental—made my lips curl upward into a smile. I felt an urge to laugh. Then, naturally, I thought of Viktor Frankl.
As I wrote in my last blog (https://johnsommersflanagan.com/2021/12/06/paradoxical-intention-dont-try-this-at-home-or-maybe-dont-try-it-anywhere/), Frankl was the first person I know of who explicitly discussed paradoxical intention as working like a joke to the psyche. I’ve written about that, but I’d never felt it in my gut. This time I did actually feel it. Then, and in response to the thought of intending to be “even more judgmental,” along with the urge to laugh, I also felt a small internal push back toward acceptance.
Paradoxical intention has two parts. First, there’s the intention. I’ve tried the intention part of paradoxical intention with myself (and used it with clients) in specific situations when physical behaviors or responses feel outside of voluntary control. One example is the twitching eye syndrome. If you have an eye that’s prone to twitching, you can try to make it twitch more or try to make it twitch when it hasn’t been twitching. That’s the intention part. The other part is for the intention to be aimed toward the opposite of your goal. In the case of listening to Rita’s blog, the thought of intending to be more judgmental was received and then produced psychological push-back. What was different than any other response I’ve ever felt about paradoxical intention was my urge to smile and laugh. I’d never felt like laughing when I tried to make a bothersome eye twitch . . . twitch more.
Later—while driving I-90 west—a place where I’m prone to feeling intermittent anger toward drivers I label in my mind as “stupid,” I did another experiment.
“I wonder,” I thought to myself, “if maybe I could try to start feeling just a little angrier toward those other drivers. Being alone in the car, I tried it out with a brief litany of profanity. In response, I felt increased anger. That wasn’t good. But within seconds, my brain started the natural push-back. I took note of my greater anger and quickly judged it as unpleasant. Then, I noticed an internal psychological push-back toward the center. I suddenly wanted the anger—which usually feels so justified in the moment—to go away. And so, I let it go.
Paradoxical intention isn’t a magic trick. Nothing in the world of human psychology is magical. Paradoxical intention operates on natural psychological dynamics. Laura and Fritz Perls would have called it an internal polarity. Behaviorists like to call it a form of overcorrection. The popular press tends to reduce it to a term I can’t help but find offensive: reverse psychology.
Although you might try paradoxical intention on your children or your friends, because of one central underlying principle, that’s not a great idea. The underlying principle is best expressed by an old (and bad) joke.
“How many mental health professionals does it take to change a light bulb?”
“Only one. But the light bulb has to want to change.”
You could try a little paradoxical intention . . . on yourself . . . but only if you want to experience a new transformative epiphany.
9 thoughts on “Paradoxical Intention, Part II: Transformative Epiphanies”
Th, John. Clearer than ever before. Never thought of you as a sash artist before, but you have many talents.
Thanks Gary! Now you have piqued my curiosity. What’s a “sash artist?” I tried Googling it, but nothing came up. I hope all is well in your world.
This is great John. Now I have a true scientific purpose for my overindulgence this holiday season! Thanks!
Dylan, glad to see my personal message to you was received!
I love this! I hadn’t thought of trying it on myself before, and as you describe your experience, I wonder if it would help in certain situations.
I’ll keep you updated on my efforts and outcomes.
Thanks Bridgette. I will look forward (or backward) to your paradoxical updates.
Hi John, Happy Holidays to you Rita and Family
We used to try something like that in domestic violence groups. WE would ask guys to describe their partners in their worst terms. They would start out saying horrible things then in the middle they would say NAH, She’s really a good person, She isn’t all those things I’m really the asshole. Then we would ask them to describe themselves in worst way. They would say terrible things but had a harder time taking it back They would be laughing and saying it’s true I’m a dick.
Not sure thats what your talking about
Anyway can you believe I’ll be 70 this year, that just ain’t right, and pot is finally legal Nice to be able to come out of the closet
Hi Ric! Happy holidays and Merry Christmas and all that. My sense is that you did all kinds of cool things in your DV groups. And nope, I refuse to believe you’ll be 70. Can’t be true. Stay young. Have a great holiday. All my best, JSF
Thank you, John for a new way of looking at life and feelings in this difficult era. You always give me pause to smile and think. Wishing you and Rita a happy new year of 2022. May you continue to laugh and love and be content.