Tag Archives: Montana Happiness Challenge

Happiness

Goal-Setting for Happiness

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One of my favorite old New Yorker cartoons, by Tom Cheney, features a man in a cap standing on a street corner next to a paper shredding machine. He’s smoking. A hand-written sign leans against his shredder; it reads,

It took me months to “get it.” Cheney’s man on the street is telling us to shred our ambitions, and not look back.

But why?

Probably because, in a hung-over stupor or on a misinformed high, we set a bunch of DUMB New Year’s resolutions.

Despite Cheney’s cynical irreverence (which I appreciate very much), the evidence on goal-setting is extremely positive. We do better when we set goals. The problem is, much like Cheney’s man on the street, most of us set ill-conceived, unrealistic, poor goals and double-down on that with ill-conceived, unrealistic, and poor plans—or no plans at all, which is another bad option).

We could be smarter. . . at least when it comes to goal-setting and planning.

There is literally a digital ton of information on the internet on what has been affectionately named, SMART goals. If you don’t know what they are do a search and learn. For brevity, and to keep our focus on happiness, I’m limiting my goal-setting advice to three main points.

First, set goals to increase positive behavioral practices in your life. Avoid setting goals to reduce or eliminate negative or undesirable behaviors. Turns out, usually we have greater success adding positive behaviors and using them to “crowd out” our negative behaviors. An example: Instead of thinking “I’ll stop procrastinating,” set a goal to get started on new projects within 24 hours (or sooner) of putting them on your list.

Second, set goals that are completely within your control. Don’t set goals for someone else, “I’m going to get my son to clean his room.” In that case, your goal might be to develop the best plan possible for trying to get your son to clean his room, while recognizing that him cleaning is slightly outside of your direct control.

Third, keep in mind that goal-setting—although a highly effective personal growth strategy—can be fraught. Imagine the athlete or musician who focuses exclusively on perfection. Although perfect performances may be aspirational, when reality sets in and the performance is less than perfect—as it always will be—frustration and disappointment ensue. Realistic and SMART goal-setting, along with self-compassion for facing failure, is a healthier road to success.

For this activity, identify a SMART, achievable goal within your control. Then, in contrast to how Americans approach New Year’s Resolutions, develop an excellent plan for accomplishing your goals. Here are some planning tips:

  1. Our brains are imperfect and so you should develop a sticky-note or smart-phone reminder system to aid you in remembering to implement your plan.
  2. Be very aware of the small and simple behaviors that lead toward your goal. For example, if healthier eating is your goal, when you drink a green smoothie instead of eating pound cake, stop, and immediately give yourself a “high-five” or anything physical to celebrate your very small accomplishment. Even better, say “Yesssssss!” or “Oh yeah!” aloud. Your self-reinforcement should be immediate and noticeable. If your goal is to get a school paper or work project done on time (instead of procrastinating) do a little dance, clap your hands, or sing a few lines from a celebratory song right after you power up your computer and open the document you want to work on. You may need to keep doing this every 5 to 15 minutes to give your brain the neurochemical push to make avoiding procrastination a habit.
  3. Link your challenging “goal” behaviors with something pleasant. The best example I ever heard of was a student in my happiness class who developed and sustained a running routine because she would only let herself listen to her favorite music when she was running.
  4. Get a goal-setting partner. Usually, we all do better with social support.
  5. Consider going public with your goal and plans. Usually, we all do better with social support.

Because there’s evidence that going public with well-thought-out goals and plans can enhance goal attainment, to the extent that you’re comfortable, please share your goals/plans on social media, encourage others to do so, and support them in their goal-setting efforts.

In the meantime, happy goal-setting!

Happiness

Exploring the Happy Places Activity

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Right now, maybe more than ever, there are plenty of places, spaces, and events in the world that evoke sadness, despair, anxiety, and hopelessness. Speaking for myself, I often feel the tug of despair, despite having so many people and things in my life for which I am grateful.

The purpose of the happy places activity is to expand awareness of places where we experience meaning, safety, support, and happiness. At the same time, the purpose is also to develop awareness of places, people, and contexts, that stimulate negative affect in us, such as anxiety and unhappiness. We want to be aware of how all the many dimensions of our environments influence us. 

Although awareness is important, action is equally important. It’s easy to feel trapped by all the negative things happening around us and to us. Sometimes we need to push ourselves to intentionally move out of difficult places and spaces. This movement can happen mentally. As Victor Frankl wrote in his memoir about his concentration camp experiences, people can be wholly oppressed by external forces, and yet still exercise at least some mental freedom.

The happy places activity involves recognizing our power to intentionally move toward thoughts and places that are more pleasant and meaningful. As needed, when you need a break from your heavier work, you can take yourself to happier physical or mental places; you can take yourself to a pleasant mental space, or physically go somewhere—like the beautiful outdoors of Montana. Additionally, when we develop awareness of our unhappy, or unsafe spaces, we can prepare for and develop plans for dealing with those difficult places.

Below the dancing photo, you will find the long version of the happy places activity for this week. I hope you engage with it as you are able. And please, if you feel inspired, share some of what you experience with the rest of us, either here on this blog, or on one of the social media platforms listed below.

MHP TikTok

MHP Insta

MHP Facebook

MHP YOU TUBE

MHP Linkedln

Also remember, use the hashtags 

#MHPHappinessChallenge, 

#MontanaHappiness

As for myself, after having a rather rough weekend, I will be infusing some thoughts and activities around the happy places concept. Good luck to you (and me).

Active Learning Assignment 3 – Three Happy Places

John Sommers-Flanagan

University of Montana

The environment, setting, or context we’re in will directly influence our mood and sense of well-being more often than we think. This is most obvious when we’re in settings or environments that we find aversive.

To start this assignment, reflect on environments, settings, or contexts that you find aversive. For example, you may find cloudy days, rain, smoky skies (or rooms), or the news (or particular news channels) aversive or uncomfortable. Other people might find churches, schools, gyms, or libraries aversive. Your context or environment can also include people. You probably find being with some people easy, and with other people, it’s much less easy.

Often, we label particular environments, contexts, smells, and people as emotionally “triggering.” Naturally, we often feel like avoiding emotionally triggering environments. Sometimes that’s possible. However, if you VALUE something enough (e.g., supporting your loved ones, or being involved in a theatre performance, or camping), you may be VERY WILLING to face and work through anxiety or other situationally-based emotional triggers (e.g., a natural disaster, fear of public speaking, or a bear phobia), to be with the people or do the things that you VALUE. More on this later.  

Now, consider the opposite: What environments, settings, contexts, or people do you find pleasurable, comforting, or energizing? In Montana, many of us think of the outdoors, or the natural environment. In fact, researchers report that, in general, more time in the outdoors is linked to increased feelings of well-being and mental health.

The main point of this assignment is for you to explore and increase your awareness of “Your happy places.” Additionally, because we can’t always be in our happy places, we also encourage you to explore, increase your awareness of, and develop a personal coping plan for the situations, contexts, and people that you find triggering. As noted above, sometimes we want to face our fears or emotional triggers. If so, knowing yourself and making a coping plan can help.

After reading and reflecting on the above, contemplate, or write a few words, in response to the following prompts:

  1. List three settings that usually trigger negativity or discomfort in you.
  2. List three settings that usually trigger happiness and wellbeing in you (and be specific). These are your happy places
  3. What can you do to prepare for or cope with challenging settings that usually cause you discomfort? (Other than avoiding them)
  4. What can you do to increase the frequency of time you spend in environments that contribute to your feelings of wellness?
  5. What can you do to create places or spaces in your mind that you can use (anywhere and anytime) to increase your sense of comfort and wellness in the moment?