Cool Counseling, Counseling and Psychotherapy Theory and Practice, Therapy with Adolescents, Tough Kids, Tough Kids Cool Counseling

What You Missed in Cincinnati: Part II

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While in Cincinnati, I ran short on time and we missed a chance to watch a video clip on “Generating Behavioral Alternatives.” And so as a substitute, I’m posting the verbatim script of the clip we were supposed to watch, and although we’ll miss out on discussing, the clip is fun on its own. Here it’s an excerpt from our Counseling and Psychotherapy Theories book and placed in the context of “Problem-Solving Therapy.”

Generating Behavioral Alternatives With an Aggressive Adolescent

As noted previously, problem-solving therapy (PST) focuses on teaching clients steps for rational problem solving. In this case vignette, the therapist (John) is trying to engage a 15-year-old White male client in stage 2 (generating solutions) of the problem-solving model. At the beginning of the session, he client had reported that the night before, a male schoolmate had tried to rape his girlfriend. The client was angry and planning to “beat the s*** out” of his fellow student. During the session, John worked on helping the boy identify behavioral alternatives to retributive violence.

The transcript below begins 10 minutes into the session.

Boy: He’s gotta learn sometime.

JSF: I mean. I don’t know for sure what the absolute best thing to do to this guy is . . . but I think before you act, it’s important to think of all the different options you have.

Boy: I’ve been thinking a lot.

JSF: Well, tell me the other ones you’ve thought of and let’s write them down so we can look at the options together.

Boy: Kick the shit out of him.

JSF: Okay, I know 2 things, actually maybe 3, that you said. One is kick the [crap] out of him, the other one is to do nothing . . .

Boy: The other is to shove something up his a**.

JSF: And, okay—shove—which is kinda like kicking the s*** out of him. I mean to be violent toward him. [Notice John is using the client’s language.]

Boy: Yeah, Yeah.

JSF: So, what else?

Boy: I could nark on him.

JSF: Oh.

Boy: Tell the cops or something.

JSF: And I’m not saying that’s the right thing to do either. [Although John thinks this is a better option, he’s trying to remain neutral, which is important to the brainstorming process; if the client thinks John is trying to “reinforce” him for nonviolent or prosocial behaviors, he may resist brainstorming.]

Boy: That’s just stupid. [This response shows why it’s important to stay neutral.]

JSF: I’m not saying that’s the right thing to do . . . all I’m saying is that we should figure out, cause I know I think I have the same kind of impulse in your situation. Either, I wanna beat him up or kinda do the high and righteous thing, which is to ignore him. And I’m not sure. Maybe one of those is the right thing, but I don’t know. Now, we got three things—so you could nark on him. [John tries to show empathy and then encourages continuation of brainstorming.]

Boy: It’s not gonna happen though.

JSF: Yeah, but I don’t care if that’s gonna happen. So there’s nark, there’s ignore, there’s beat the s**. What else?

Boy: Um. Just talk to him, would be okay. Just go up to him and yeah . . . I think we need to have a little chit-chat. [The client is able to generate another potentially prosocial idea.]

JSF: Okay. Talk to him.

Boy: But that’s not gonna happen either. I don’t think I could talk to him without, like, him pissing me off and me kicking the s*** . . . [Again, the client is making it clear that he’s not interested in nonviolent options.]

JSF: So, it might be so tempting when you talk to him that you just end up beating the s*** out of him. [John goes back to reflective listening.]

Boy: Yeah. Yeah.

JSF: But all we’re doing is making a list. Okay. And you’re doing great. [This is positive reinforcement for the brainstorming process—not outcome.]

Boy: I could get someone to beat the s*** out of him.

JSF: Get somebody to beat him up. So, kind of indirect violence—you get him back physically—through physical pain. That’s kind of the approach.

Boy: [This section is censored.]

JSF: So you could [do another thing]. Okay.

Boy: Someone like . . .

JSF: Okay. We’re up to six options. [John is showing neutrality or using an extinction process by not showing any affective response to the client’s provocative maladaptive alternative that was censored for this book.]

Boy: That’s about it. . . .

JSF: So. So we got nark, we got ignore, we got beat the s*** out of him, we got talk to him, we got get somebody else to beat the shit out of him, and get some. . . . [Reading back the alternatives allows the client to hear what he has said.]

Boy: Um . . . couple of those are pretty unrealistic, but. [The client acknowledges he’s being unrealistic, but we don’t know which items he views as unrealistic and why. Exploring his evaluation of the options might be useful, but John is still working on brainstorming and relationship-building.]

JSF: We don’t have to be realistic. I’ve got another unrealistic one. I got another one . . . Kinda to start some shameful rumor about him, you know. [This is a verbally aggressive option which can be risky, but illustrates a new domain of behavioral alternatives.]

Boy: That’s a good idea.

JSF: I mean, it’s a nonviolent way to get some revenge.

Boy: Like he has a little dick or something.

JSF: Yeah, good, exactly. [John inadvertently provides positive reinforcement for an insulting idea rather than remaining neutral.]

Boy: Maybe I’ll do all these things.

JSF: Combination.

Boy: Yeah.

JSF: So we’ve got the shameful rumor option to add to our list.

Boy: That’s a good one. (Excerpted and adapted from J. Sommers-Flanagan & R. Sommers-Flanagan, 1999)

This case illustrates what can occur when therapists conduct PST and generate behavioral solutions with angry adolescents. Initially, the client appears to be blowing off steam and generating a spate of aggressive alternatives. This process, although not producing constructive alternatives, is important because the boy may be testing the therapist to see if he will react with judgment (during this brainstorming process it’s very important for therapists to remain positive and welcoming of all options, no matter how violent or absurd; using judgment can be perceived and experienced as a punishment, which can adversely affect the therapy relationship). As the boy produced various aggressive ideas, he appeared to calm down somewhat. Also, the behavioral alternatives are repeatedly read back to the client. This allows the boy to hear his ideas from a different perspective. Finally, toward the end, the therapist joins the boy in brainstorming and adds a marginally delinquent response. The therapist is modeling a less violent approach to revenge and hoping to get the boy to consider nonphysical alternatives. This approach is sometimes referred to as harm reduction because it helps clients consider less risky behaviors (Marlatt & Witkiewitz, 2010). Next steps in this problem-solving process include:

  • Decision making
  • Solution implementation and verification

As the counseling session proceeds, John employs a range of different techniques, including “reverse advocacy role playing” where John plays the client and the client plays the counselor and provides “reasons or arguments for [particular attitudes] being incorrect, maladaptive, or dysfunctional” (A. M. Nezu & C. M. Nezu, 2013).

Clinical Interviewing, Cool Counseling, Personal Reflections, Therapy with Adolescents, Tough Kids, Tough Kids Cool Counseling

What You Missed in Cincinnati

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For me, the hardest thing about presenting professional workshops is time management. I want participants to comment, but how can I plan in advance for exactly how long their comments will be? Even worse, how can I accurately estimate the length of my own impromptu moments? It seems obvious that there’s a need for spontaneity. I don’t want to cut off potentially valuable comments from participants . . . and I don’t want to cut off my own creative musings either. Clearly, the clock is my workshop enemy.

For example, how could I know in advance that I would suddenly feel compelled to share a personal dream of mine with 85 of my new Cincinnati counselor friends? Never before had I shared with a workshop audience that 45 years-ago I dreamt I was Felix-the-Cat and then while crossing the road (as Felix), I got hit by a car . . . and died.

But then I woke up and have kept on living.

I like to think that particular disclosure is a perfectly normal thing to do when you’ve got a group of professional counselors to listen to you.

The point was to bust the myth that some teenage client have (and will talk about in counseling) that if they dream they die, it is prophetic and means they’ll die soon in real life also.

And beyond my personal dream disclosure, how would I know that one of the participants would have such passion that he would accept an invitation to come up to the microphone and share a physical relaxation technique that he uses with elementary school students.

These are just two samples of the sort of thing you missed because you weren’t in Cincinnati at the Schiff Center on the Xavier University campus yesterday.

But you also missed the start of the workshop where I decided on the spot that it was just the right time and place for me to open the workshop with a story of the most embarrassing moment in my life. It struck me as an awesome idea at the time . . . and it really was the most embarrassing moment of my life . . . until a few hours later when I shared my Felix-the-Cat dream.

There are always bigger mountains to climb.

You also missed meeting my incredibly gracious hosts from the Greater Cincinnati Counseling Association including, Butch Losey (who’s the most humble and understated guy who should be famous I’ve ever met), Kay Russ (who’s right up there with the most responsible person I’ve ever met), and Brent Richardson (who is as irreverent and insightful as ever), and Robert Wubbolding (who may be on his way to Casablanca to do a week long choice theory/reality therapy workshop by the time I post this and yet took eight hours out of his life to attend the workshop anyway).

So that’s just a little taste of what you missed in Cincinnati.

I’ll bet you wish you were there. I know I’m glad I was.

Clinical Interviewing

A Brief History of the Clinical Interview

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This is a short excerpt (pre-publication) from the forthcoming Encyclopedia of Clinical Psychology, edited by R. Cautin and S. Lilienfeld. My coauthors on this were Waganesh Zeleke and Meredith Hood. Waganesh is now at Duquesne University and Meredith is busy working on her dissertation.

This section is an interesting–albeit academically oriented–description of the history of the clinical interview.

A Brief History of the Clinical Interview

The term “interview” was first used in the 1500s to refer to a formal conference or face-to-face meeting. The term “clinical” has origins from around 1780 and is linked to an objective or coldly dispassionate approach to bedside observations and treatment of hospital patients. Although difficult to determine the precise origin of the joining of clinical and interview in modern use, it appears that Jean Piaget (1896 – 1980) was the first psychologist to use a variant of the term clinical interview.

In 1920, as Piaget was working to develop a standardized French version of an English reasoning test with Theodore Simon in the Binet laboratory in Paris, he became more interested in the fundamental nature of children’s thinking than in the ranking of children’s intellectual ability on a standardized test. Realizing that existing psychological research methods were inadequate for studying cognitive development, he began using an interviewing approach that had much in common with psychiatric diagnostic interviews. He referred to his process as the “semiclinical interview” (Elkind 1964). Piaget’s semiclinical interview combined standard and nonstandard questioning as a means for exploring the richness of children’s thought.

Similar to Piaget’s initial efforts to combine a rigorously standardized protocol with spontaneous or unplanned questioning, the definition and implementation of the clinical interview has historically and presently been characterized by tension between a highly structured or protocol-driven interaction versus an unstructured or free-response process. In a report on structured clinical interviews, Abt (1949) provided an early articulation of this dialectical tension inherent to the clinical interview, noting that researchers did not want to lose the rich, projective, and idiosyncratic material obtained in a clinical interview, but also needed reliable interviewing procedures that were quantifiable.

Abt’s comments captured the qualitative vs. quantitative nature of most historical and contemporary controversies concerning the clinical interview. On the one side, adherents to the medical model view the clinical interview as a scientific assessment endeavor, emphasizing its quantitative nature and psychometrics (e.g., reliability and validity). On the other side, many practitioners view the clinical interview as a means for obtaining qualitative and idiosyncratic data about patients, using both the process and the data obtained to strengthen the therapeutic relationship and move toward a culturally and individually tailored intervention. Since the 1940s the clinical interview has been considered as either a method for gathering facts about symptoms that align with a scientifically valid diagnosis or a relational experience designed to understand the subjective world of another. There are some who contend that the clinical interview can and should be both a scientific and relational process (Sommers-Flanagan and Sommers-Flanagan 2012).

Clinical Interviewing, Cool Counseling, Therapy with Adolescents, Tough Kids, Tough Kids Cool Counseling

January is an Excellent Month to Attend Workshops in Cincinnati

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Just in case you’re planning to be in or around the Cincinnati area this weekend, the Greater Cincinnati Counseling Association (GCCA) is offering a day and a half of workshops starting on Friday afternoon, January 10 and two workshops with one of my favorite workshop presenters on Saturday, January 11. Here’s the info:

On Friday, January 10, there are two Ethics workshops to choose from:

2:00-5:15

School Counselor Ethics: Case

Discussions and Current Trends

Tanya Ficklin

Or

2:00-5:15

Ethical and Professional Issues:

Therapeutic Alliance Building and

Ethical Considerations When

Working with Children and

Families

Barbara Mahaffey

On Saturday, January 11, I’m doing two separate ½ day workshops:

Tough Kids, Cool Counseling

John Sommers-Flanagan

Saturday 8:45-12:00

Therapy with adolescents can be immensely frustrating or splendidly gratifying. The truth of this statement is so obvious that the supportive reference, at least according to many adolescents is, “Duh!” In this workshop participants will sharpen their therapy skills by viewing and discussing video clips from actual sessions and participating in live demonstrations. Over 20 specific cognitive, emotional, and constructive therapy techniques will be illustrated and/or demonstrated. Examples include acknowledging reality, informal assessment, the affect bridge, therapist spontaneity, early interpretations, asset flooding, externalizing language, and more. Countertransference and multicultural issues will be highlighted.

Suicide Assessment Interviewing

Saturday 1:00-4:15

John Sommers-Flanagan

Freud once said, “By words one person can make another blissfully happy or drive him to despair.” Ironically, traditional adolescent suicide assessment and intervention procedures overemphasize a pathology-based biomedical model that orients adolescents toward despair. In this workshop suicidal crises are reformulated as normal expressions of human suffering and a specific, positive, and practical approach to adolescent suicide assessment interviewing is described. This contemporary adolescent suicide assessment model has a constructive focus, addresses diversity issues, and integrates differential activation theory and Jobes’s approach to Collaborative Assessment and Management of Suicidality. Specific suicide intervention procedures will be described and reformulated.

You can register for these workshops by phone by calling: 513-688-0092

 

Boys and Men, Counseling and Psychotherapy Theory and Practice, Personal Reflections

Why Evolution is a Bad Explanation for Human Behavior

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Nearly every day I hear, read, or see the latest news story about how the human brain is hard-wired to make all humans act in one particular way or another. These stories annoy me because:

  1. They emphasize that all humans are the same and ignore the fact that we’re all unique and, to a large degree, unpredictable.
  2. They imply that humans are unlikely to change or deviate from one another.
  3. They repeatedly claim we’re all hard-wired despite the fact that the human brain has NO WIRES.

Even worse, at the bottom of most of these “Your brain is hard-wired” stories is a mythical evolutionary explanation. This annoys me even more . . . because when it comes to everyday human behavior, evolution makes for very bad explanations. But if you’re listening to what pundits and scientists say in the media, you’d be inclined to believe the opposite of what’s really true about humans.

For mysterious reasons, many scientists—especially evolutionary scientists—want to put humans in a box. They suggest and imply and assert that human behavior is predictable. But the truth is that—apart from breathing—there are very few predictable human behaviors. As decades of controlled psychological experiments have shown, even under laboratory conditions where little choice is possible, scientific predictions typically account for no more that 30-40% of the variation in human behavior. This means that humans are 60-70% unpredictable . . . even under highly controlled conditions.

Aside from being mostly wrong, simple evolutionary and biological explanations for human behavior also often are translated into messages that are generally unhealthy for society. Let’s take one big example.

An especially popular media and science topic is male sexual behavior. The argument usually goes like this: Over millions of years males have become hardwired to be attracted to fertility and novelty in sexual partners. This is because . . . the argument continues . . . males seek to perpetuate their gene-pool. This is why, they say, males are attracted to younger females who exhibit signs of reproductive health. This also explains why males—especially young males—are driven to have sex with multiple female partners.

Given current U.S. social problems—think sexual assault and high divorce rates—it makes little sense to promote the mostly false ideas that males seek sexual novelty to perpetuate their gene pool. This information is unhelpful to women who want safe and stable relationships with men and it’s unhelpful to the majority of men who—in contradiction to evolutionary theory—want safe and monogamous intimate relationships with women (or other men).

Most of the time, most males engage in sexual behavior that’s not at all designed to spread their seed or perpetuate their gene pool. Young men are often strongly motivated to NOT get their girlfriends pregnant. Recent data indicate that many young men are NOT especially interested in engaging in indiscriminate sexual behavior.

Even in a 2011 research study at Syracuse University, 333 undergraduate males apparently hadn’t gotten the memo about being hardwired to want sex with novel partners. When asked, whether they could “. . . imagine themselves enjoying casual sex” these young men showed an average response that was largely in the “undecided” range. Think about that: males from 18-22 years-old at Syracuse University couldn’t really decide if they might enjoy casual sex. This is good news. And it’s not consistent with evolutionary-based myths about contemporary young men.

In the same study, 300+ Syracuse University women reported—in direct contradiction to evolutionary theory—that they had been engaging in casual sexual encounters at approximately the same rate as the males.

And so next time you hear or read or view a media story about how millions of years of evolution explains why human males or females behave one way or another, remember that many immediate conditions can and do override evolutionary-based predictions. Evolution is a generality that may or may not apply to a single organism living in the 21st century. Evolution does not trump choice. And that’s the point: Your choices tomorrow will have much more to do with the situations you’re facing today (and that you’re anticipating tomorrow) than they’ll have to do with yesterday.

Boys and Men, Personal Reflections

Raising Boys in the 21st Century

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As some of you may already know, yesterday I had a blog piece posted on the American Counseling Association website. The piece was titled, “Boys will be Boys . . . Unless we teach them something Better.” Check it out here, if you like: http://www.counseling.org/news/blog

There’s also much more helpful information on “raising boys” on the internet. One example is this featured blog on the Good Men Project website: “How We Can Improve Sex Ed for Boys.” Here’s the link for that: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-good-life-how-we-can-improve-sex-ed-for-boys/

I hope you’re all doing well in the run-up (as the Brits would say) to some major holiday activity.

John SF

 

Clinical Interviewing, Therapy with Adolescents, Tough Kids Cool Counseling

The Therapist’s Opening Statement (or Question) with Adolescents

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           Working with adolescents or teenagers is different from working with adults. In this excerpt from a recently published article with Ty Bequette, we briefly focus on how the opening interaction with an adolescent client might look different than an opening interaction with an adult client. This is from: Sommers-Flanagan, J., & Bequette, T. (2013). The initial interview with adolescents. Journal of Contemporary Psychotherapy, 43(1), 13-22.

            When working with adults, therapists often open with a variation of, “What brings you for counseling” or “How can I be of help” (J. Sommers-Flanagan & Sommers-Flanagan, 2012). These openings are ill-fitted for psychotherapy with adolescents because they assume the presence of insight, motivation, and a desire for help—which may or may not be correct.

Based on clinical experience, we recommend opening statements or questions that are invitations to work together. Adolescent clients may or may not reject the invitation, but because adolescent clients typically did not select their psychotherapist, offering an invitation is a reasonable opening. We recommend invitations that emphasize disclosure, collaboration, and interest and that initiates a process of exploring client goals. For example,

I’d like to start by telling you how I like to work with teenagers. I’m interested in helping you be successful. That’s my goal, to help you be successful in here or out in the world. My goal is to help you accomplish your goals. But there’s a limit on that. My goals are your goals just as long as your goals are legal and healthy.

The messages imbedded in that sample opening include: (a) this is what I am about; (b) I want to work with you; (c) I am interested in you and your success; (d) there are limits regarding what I will help you with. It is very possible for adolescent clients to oppose this opening in one way or another, but no matter how they respond, a message that includes disclosure, collaboration, interest, and limits is a good beginning.

Some adolescent clients will respond to an opening like the preceding with a clear goal statement. We’ve had clients state: “I want to be happier.” Although “I want to be happier” is somewhat general, it is a good beginning for parsing out more specific goals with clients.    Other clients will be less clear or less cooperative in response to the invitation to collaborate. When asked to identify goals, some may say, “I don’t know” while others communicate “I don’t care.”

Concession and redirection are potentially helpful with clients who say they don’t care about therapy or about goal-setting. A concession and redirection response might look like this: “That’s okay. You don’t have to care. How about we just talk for a while about whatever you like to do. I’d be interested in hearing about the things you enjoy if you’re okay telling me.” Again, after conceding that the client does not have to care, the preceding response is an invitation to talk about something less threatening. If adolescent clients are willing to talk about something less threatening, psychotherapists then have a chance to listen well, express empathy, and build the positive emotional bond that A. Freud (1946, p. 31) considered a “prerequisite” to effective therapy with young clients.

Some adolescents may be unclear about limits to which psychotherapists influence and control others outside therapy. They may imbue therapists with greater power and authority than reality confers. Some adolescents may envision their therapist as a savior ready to provide rescue from antagonistic peers or oppressive administrators. Clarification is important:

Before starting, I want to make sure you understand my role. In therapy you and I work together to understand some of the things that might be bugging you and come up with solutions or ideas to try. But, even though I like to think I know everything and can solve any problem, there are limits to my power. For example, let’s say you’re having a conflict with peers. I would work with you to resolve these conflicts, but I’m not the police, and I can’t get them sent to jail or shipped to military school. I can’t get anyone fired, and I can’t help you break any laws. Does that make sense? Do you have any questions for me?

A clear explanation of the therapist’s role and an explanation about counseling process can allay uncertainties and fears about therapy. Inviting questions and allowing time for discussion helps empower adolescent clients, build rapport, and lower resistance.

Personal Reflections

A New Book from Pamela Hays

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You may not have heard of Pamela Hays, but you should know about her work and so I’m posting a short comment here.

Pamela Hays, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist and author of my favorite multicultural counseling book: Cultural Complexities in Practice: Assessment, Diagnosis and Therapy. She has several other books out and what I like best about them is that she takes complex issues and makes them clear and easy to understand; not an easy task.

Below is some information about her latest book . . . which is hot off the press. The title is: Creating Well-Being: Four Steps to a Happier, Healthier Life.

If you know me, you know that I’m sometimes critical of work in the field of counseling and psychotherapy . . . and don’t worry, I’ll re-embrace my more critical self in my next couple blogs. However, for now I’m focusing on the positive and focusing on the positive includes focusing on Dr. Pamela Hays and so here’s the information about her latest book!

Pamela’s book is currently available directly from the publisher (American Psychological Association) http://www.apa.org/pubs/books/4441020.aspx, Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and some independent book stores. The book combines the latest info on happiness and well-being with CBT tools (including mindfulness practices) to get on the wellness path.

And now here’s a description of the book.

Texts. Emails. Errands. Endless to-do lists. Even if we’re keeping up, are we truly enjoying our lives? Remedies like a day at the beach may bring short-term relief, but what brings the lasting changes that help us be our best selves? Pamela Hays has written this book to help you take control and fulfill your dreams. Full of fun exercises and real-life examples, the book shares a tried and true approach that is easy to understand, learn, and accomplish. Get started by taking stock of your personal strengths. Learn to realistically assess problems and connect each to a solution. Become aware of the thought traps that hold you back. Take action on the problems that can be changed, and manage your emotions when problems are beyond your control. Based on the author’s 20+ years of experience and sound psychological principles and research, this book will help you cultivate a lasting talent for self-care and well-being.

Pamela A. Hays, PhD

Pages: 221

Item #: 4441020

ISBN: 978-1-4338-1573-7

List Price: $19.95

Publication Date: October 2013

Format: Softcover

About the author:
Pamela A. Hays is the author of Addressing Cultural Complexities in Practice: Assessment, Diagnosis and Therapy; and Connecting Across Cultures: The Helper’s Toolkit; and co-editor of Culturally Responsive Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy. A DVD of her work has been produced by the American Psychological Association as part of their expert therapist series, entitled Culturally Responsive Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy in Practice. She holds a Ph.D. from the University of Hawaii, served as a National Institute of Mental Health Postdoctoral Fellow at the University of Rochester School of Medicine, and from 1989-2000 worked as a core faculty member in the graduate program at Antioch University, Seattle. She currently maintains a private practice in Soldotna, Alaska, works part-time for The Kenaitze Tribe’s Nakenu Family Center, and conducts workshops internationally. She can be reached through her website at www.drpamelahays.com

Counseling and Psychotherapy Theory and Practice

Feminist Culture in Music

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This afternoon I’m doing a guest lecture for Sidney Shaw on Feminist Theory and Therapy. In honor of this, I’m posting an excerpt from our “Study Guide” for Counseling and Psychotherapy Theories in Context and Practice. Here you go:

Most dominant cultural media is clearly NOT feminist. A quick perusal of movie trailers (which generally include men with guns and women quickly undressing because they’re so darn aroused by men with guns) or popular music filtering into the ears of our youth will affirm this not-so-radical-reality.

For this activity we were interested in music, films, and books that ARE feminist in orientation and so we conducted a non-random survey of participants on counseling and psychology listservs and online blogs. We simply asked: Please share your recommendations for first, second, and third wave feminist songs, films, and books (and then did a few online searches). Interestingly, the most significant finding was that listserv respondents clearly had a much stronger passion for music than anything else. We received only one book recommendation and one film recommendation. In contrast, we got flooded by song recommendations. Consequently, we decided to focus our survey specifically on songs and will leave the books and films for another project.

Before we get to our non-comprehensive and nonrandom feminist song list, we should briefly discuss the three waves of feminism . . . despite the fact that doing so may raise issues and stimulate debate. No doubt, individuals who experienced or are knowledgeable about each wave may take issue with the distinctions offered below. Nevertheless, here’ son look (Susan Pharr, 1997) at the evolution of feminism:

We are examining sexism, racism, homophobia, classism, anti-Semitism, ageism, ableism, and imperialism, and we see everything as connected. This change in point of view represents the third wave of the women’s liberation movement, a new direction that does not get mass media coverage and recognition. It has been initiated by women of color and lesbians who were marginalized or rendered invisible by the white heterosexual leaders of earlier efforts. The first wave was the 19th and early 20th century campaign for the vote; the second, beginning in the 1960s, focused     on the Equal Rights Amendment and abortion rights. Consisting of predominantly white middleclass women, both failed in recognizing issues of equality and empowerment for all women. The third wave of the movement, multi-racial and multi-issued, seeks      the transformation of the world for us all. (p.26)

If we go with Pharr’s distinctions, we would broadly categorize first, second, and third wave feminism as:

 

  1. Campaign for the vote
  2. The ERA and abortion rights
  3. Multi-racial, multi-issued world transformation

 

What’s problematic about this categorization is that it’s too darn simplistic. The vote, ERA, and abortion rights were key or central issues, but first and second wave feminists we know would take issue with the narrowness of this depiction and would rightly point to first and second wave feminist efforts at including—not marginalizing—minority groups.

With this in mind, although we initially anticipated creating a nuanced and organized Table with books, films, and songs tightly organized by their connection with a particular “feminist wave” we’ve now decided to make a less organized list of feminist-oriented songs that have inspired individual women and men. And while the less organized list is perhaps less satisfying to our more compulsive sides, it also provides freedom for you as a reader to listen to the music, appreciate or explore the various messages, and then categorize or refuse to categorize the songs based on your preference. In the end, we found ourselves a little surprised to find that this less categorical, more dimensional, and more personal approach feels more consistent with feminist ideals . . . ideals that focus on the personal as political and that assert that authority figures should resist the impulse to tell others what and how to think.

As you read through these recommendations we suggest you think about what songs hold meaning for you and why. Along with many of the recommendations listed, we also received explanations for why the particular song was meaningful—in a feminist way. There’s always space in any list for additions and subtractions and your personal additions and subtractions might help you create an inspiring feminist playlist for yourself.

One final caveat: When we searched online for top feminist songs and anthems, we came across the occasional angry blog or posting demonizing the feminist perspective. We found this a little creepy and a little fascinating. One example was a comment (we’re paraphrasing now) about the heathen feminists . . . who sing into microphones and sound systems all of which were ‘invented’ by men. We include this comment primarily to emphasize that, in fact, you also may find yourself having strong emotional reactions to the music or the lyrics or the preceding comment. If your reactions are especially strong, we recommend you conduct a feminist power analysis and/or have a discussion about your reactions with someone you trust (and who has a balanced feminist perspective).

 

Table 10.1: A List of Feminist Songs that Counselors and Psychotherapists have Found Inspiring

 

18 Wheeler – Pink

A Sorta Fairytale – Tori Amos

Alien She – Bikini Kill

All American Girl – Melissa Etheridge

Ampersand – Amanda Palmer

Androgynous – Joan Jett

Be a Man – Courtney Love

Beautiful Flower – India Arie

Beautiful Liar – Beyonce and Shakira

Been a Son – Nirvana

Black Girl Pain – Jean Grae and Talib Kweli

Butyric Acid – Consolidated

Can’t Hold Us Down – Christina Aguilera

Cornflake – Tori Amos

Crucify – Tori Amos

Daughter – Pearl Jam

Double Dare Ya – Bikini Kill

Express Yourself – Madman

Fixing her Hair – Ani Difranco

Glass Ceiling – Metric

God – Tori Amos

Gonna Be an Engineer – Peggy Seeger

Goodbye Earl – The Dixie Chicks

He Thinks He’ll Keep Her – Mary Chapin Carpenter

Hey Cinderella – Suzy Bogguss

Human Nature – Madonna

I am Woman – Helen Reddy

I Will Survive – Gloria Gaynor

I’m a Bitch – Meredith Brooks

I’m Every Woman – Chaka Khan or Whitney Houston

It’s a She Thing – Salt and Peppa

Just a Girl – No Doubt

Man! I Feel Like a Woman – Shania Twain

Me and a gun – Tori Amos

My Old Man – Joni Mitchell

No More Tears – Barbra Streisand and Donna Summer

Not a Pretty Girl – Ani Difranco

Not Ready to Make Nice – The Dixie Chicks

One of the Boys – Katy Perry

Poker Face – Lady Gaga

Pretty Girls – Neko Case

Professional Window – Tori Amos

Promiscuous – Nelly Furtado

Rebel Girl – Bikini Kill

Respect – Aretha Franklin

Silent All these Years – Tori Amos

Sisters are Do – Aretha Franklin and Annie Lennox

Sisters are Doing It for Themselves – Aretha Franklin and the Eurythmics

Spark – Tori Amos

Stronger – Britney Spears

Stupid Girls – Pink

Superwoman – Alicia Keys

Swan Dive – Ani DiFranco

The Pill – Loretta Lynn

This Woman’s Work – Kate Bush

Why Go – Pearl Jam

Woman in the Moon – Barbra Streisand

Women Should be a Priority – Sweet Honey and the Rock

You Don’t Own Me – Lesley Gore

You Oughta Know – Alanis Morisette

Your Revolution – Sidebar

Personal Reflections

In Search of the Mystical Ravalli Doughnuts

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A couple of Fridays ago I had the honor of going on a road trip to Whitefish with Erika Twedt. Erika—who somewhat mysteriously goes by “Twedt” (pronounced Tweet)—is the Director of Development and Alumni Relations for the Phyllis J. Washington College of Education and Human Sciences here at the University of Montana.

Twedt and I hit the road at 8:03 a.m. She was on time. I was three minutes late. When these things happen (me being late) I typically blame the University of Montana because classes here begin at 10 minutes after the hour. The University of Montana has trained me to never be able to get somewhere at the “top” of the hour. Of course, I’m often late for things that happen at the bottom of the hour, but let’s not go there. I recall being five minutes late for a psychotherapy appointment back in 1986 and when I apologized, my psychotherapist simply said, “It’s your time.” Good point. Lesson number one: When I’m late, I’m the one who’s late and I’m the one who bears the responsibility and cost.

Not long into the trip Twedt described herself as a “luddite.” So I used my smartphone to figure out what the heck she was talking about.

Merriam-Webster online informed me that Twedt-the-luddite was “. . . one of a group of early 19th century English workmen who were destroying laborsaving machinery as a protest.” She didn’t look like an English workman, but looks can be deceiving. And all this time I thought she was into fundraising and not destruction. But maybe our trip to Whitefish was really to sabotage some cutting edge technology.

It also struck me that perhaps I should hide my phone. But I’m bigger than Twedt and I don’t think she (or really anyone named Twedt) could wrestle my phone away from me—at least not while driving. So I boldly connected with the Urban Dictionary online. The U-B gave me a more contemporary take on luddite: “One who fears technology (or new technology, as they seem pleased with how things currently are…why can’t everything just be the same?).”

Turns out Twedt had a smartphone of her own and she didn’t really look like she was afraid of it; so much for dictionary definitions off the internet.

I soon discovered that Twedt was a pithy quotation machine. And so I pulled out my laptop to intermittently type up and save her quotes. As a luddite, Twedt doesn’t go online (she’s probably afraid to) and so she’ll never read what I’m writing about her anyway. Nevertheless, I offered her informed consent by saying, “I’m going to turn this trip into a blog-post” and then typing her pithy statements into my computer and occasionally reading them back to her. This was my way of being an especially fun person to ride with to Whitefish and back. And since she never said, “You can’t blog about this trip” it appears I have consent to write this.

We were only about 37 miles North of Missoula and nearing Ravalli, MT (not Ravalli County—and this is a big difference), when Twedt said:

“We have extra time. We need to stop here and find the amazing donuts.”

Twedt didn’t really know what she was doing and she doesn’t use technology, so she stopped at a café and we entered together, seeking donuts. Twedt also didn’t realize that I’m a bit of a donut aficionado, if I do say so myself. We entered the café and Twedt suddenly became shy and so because I was suddenly on the hunt for amazing donuts I took the lead.

“Is this the place in Ravalli with the amazing donuts?”

The owner/proprieter simply said, “I wish we had amazing donuts.” Twedt then began shouting at the woman, saying, “I wish you had some ________ amazing donuts too . . . but all you have is some old _______ coffee . . .” and so I had to pull her out of the café and calm her down. Of course, Twedt didn’t really say any of that, but it could have happened. Instead, we just meekly retreated from the café and doubled back south to find the amazing donuts. This is when I started to get nervous because now we were headed back to Missoula and away from Whitefish. Twedt clearly had a thing about donuts.

We made it to the Windmill Village Bakery at 26715 US 93, Ravalli, MT 59863. I’ve included the whole address because if you’re reading this and care at all about the state of donuts in America, you’ll want to plan your next trip around a visit to the Windmill Village Bakery. And I just checked and Yelp includes five different ratings for the Windmill Bakery and they’re all five stars.

We entered. There was an ethereal glazed sugar quality to the air. And then we saw the donuts. These were not donuts. They were full-bodied, take-no-prisoners, make-no-mistake-about-it, I-have-to-get-a-picture-of-this doughnuts. The dough was six feet away from me. Here’s the scene.

Doughnuts 1

Twedt bought nine doughnuts. Because I’m a man and obviously have better judgment and more experience than she does when it comes to things like doughnuts, I only bought one.

Then, under the influence of Ravalli doughnuts, the Twedt quotations (that should be tweeted) really began to flow.

I apologized for making a big doughnut mess in her car, which prompted:

“That’s what this car is for.”

Later, after she was clearly drunk on doughnuts:

“You can’t put a price on a good doughnut.”

I didn’t argue.

Drunken doughnut talk continued for nearly 50 miles. She began free associating to other doughnut purchases.

“The Walmart donuts are surprisingly good.”

I used some Carl Rogers reflective listening. Twedt went deeper.

“I don’t know why I bought the first one.”

And then she began, quite naturally, to share family of origin issues.

“My dad really likes donuts too.”

Maybe there was some unfinished business.

“I’m bringing him to Ravalli when he visits.”

Only so much doughnut therapy can get done on a single trip to Whitefish. We finally pulled into the parking lot for our 11:00am lunch meeting with an incredibly generous woman who is considering a substantial contribution to our Department of Counselor Education. Twedt handed her a bag of four doughnuts. I tried to warn the generous woman not to try to eat a whole doughnut without adequate preparation and then proved my point by not being able to finish my lunch . . . which was precisely the first time that had ever happened in 56 years.

We had a great lunch and conversation.

Then, on the way back to Missoula, due to the extra weight from the doughnuts, Twedt’s left rear tire started going flat and we had to stop in Kalispell to switch it out for the spare. Apparently luddites never check their tire tread and Twedt had been driving me up and down Highway 93 on completely bald tires.

We finally hit the road again and I felt safe because if we were hit by a blizzard and stuck in the car for a week, I knew we could survive because we still had four doughnuts in a greasy white bakery bag.

In the end, I had an amazing trip with Twedt, ate an amazing doughnut, helped Twedt work through her doughnut issues, met with an amazing woman for lunch, and was amazed to get back alive. Thanks Twedt—even though you’ll never see this.

Doughnuts 2

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