Like many, I woke up this morning thinking about my father (Max Sommers).

When I saw a photo of him, it made me think about how long it has been since I’ve seen him standing up. For the last 3+ years of his life he was in bed, due to an un-repairable broken hip and severe neuropathy.

Despite being stuck in bed every day, Max stayed upbeat. Every visit—until he died—started with a cheerful greeting and ended with him saying, “I love you” and “big hugs.”  

I could never maintain such a sunny disposition. Here’s what I wrote about him back in 2014:

This is the man I can never live up to. But that’s okay. That’s the way it SHOULD be. To have a role model who is really a role model because he is so good and kind and compassionate and smart. Just being around someone like him makes me want to be a better person.

Reflecting on my father’s metaphorical (not literal) big shoes, made me think of Adler’s concept of the inferiority complex. Adler says inferiority is all-natural, because all children experience many years of being inferior to their parents or older siblings. I also had the good luck of having two incredibly competent and capable older sisters. I experienced many years of natural inferiority. That’s probably why, in most situations and most of the time, my first reactions usually involve feeling inferior.

Nowadays, people seem to use the term imposter syndrome instead of inferiority. I like Adler’s terminology and explanations better.

Adler also said the cure to all mental health problems was a thing he called encouragement. Encouragement comes in many forms. When parents and others give their children encouragement, it translates into giving their children the “courage” to face and embrace the challenging tasks of life. Given that Max was and is impossible for me to live up to, I’m especially lucky that he gave me the gift of encouragement. His encouragement (along with my mom’s and sisters’) gave me the courage to face my feelings of inferiority.

Max has been gone for 13 ½ months now. I miss him terribly. I know I’m not the only one feeling sad and grateful on Father’s Day. If you’re feeling the pangs and pains of loss along with me, I wish you as much peace, purpose, and encouragement as you can find.

May we all be more like Max.